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I’m so lost😔

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I already know what some will say but I’m still interested in hearing what others will say about this. And I expect the typical bashing responses so really if you have anything at all better to do than save the nastiness for someone else because I’ve heard it all already.

This will be long:
About 2 years ago I cheated on my husband. I know I’m horrible, save it. He forgave me and we are still together. We had a baby since then. We are doing ok and I do have love for him but I am unhappy and I started thinking about that. I feel like I’ve been unhappy for a very long time, I mean happily married people don’t just cheat on each other right? Isn’t the person you are married to supposed to make you want to be a better person, to bring out the very best in you? OR, do some of you chalk that up to a very poor decision and that you can still love someone you hurt and go on to make it work?
Then there is my family, he holds a few members who knew and didn’t say anything a little responsible and does not care for them anymore. Now I am having to keep them completely separate. I can’t talk on the phone to them in front of him, I don’t visit them for fear it will cause great tension in my home. My kids are missing out on being in their lives, my niece just had a baby and I can’t even talk to my husband about anything going on with my family because he doesn’t like them.
I know I need to do something and talk with my husband about this because it’s causing me great depression but I am waiting because I am not going to ruin the holidays for him. It will be our baby’s first xmas and I’m not going to mess that up or his first bday in a few months. So I’m just living here miserable, partly thinking I deserve it and partly thinking yes, I fucked up but I’m not going to pay for it for the rest of my life. I NEED my family. Maybe more than my husband. That’s a very sad thing to realize. I just wish he could have just blamed me, I’m the one who made the choice, not them.
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 6, 2017 at 8:08 AM
Replies (11-20):
BL2010
by BL on Dec. 7, 2017 at 10:07 AM

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} You need to try and sit him down and talk about this. He should not be holding your family responsible. It was not up to them to tell him. I might even suggest counseling for both of you.

cclun
by on Dec. 7, 2017 at 10:33 AM

The pain of being cheated on is indescribable and the wound is still fresh.  Give it some time for it to heal.  You may think he is completely healed from the wound but having a baby and all it is pretty overwhelming and might have "detour" the healing process.  You may also want to consider marital counseling.

andreamarie
by on Dec. 7, 2017 at 11:21 AM
Keeping my opinion to myself.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 7, 2017 at 11:41 AM
I’m guessing you have something not so nice to say. It’s ok really. I opened myself up to it. Maybe you could try to construct your comment in a useful way instead of just being all out nasty? But if you feel the need to be nasty, like I said I opened myself up to it. I’m a big girl, I can take it

Quoting andreamarie: Keeping my opinion to myself.
andreamarie
by on Dec. 7, 2017 at 12:05 PM
I am not really all out nasty. Thank you for the assumption.

Quoting Anonymous 1: I’m guessing you have something not so nice to say. It’s ok really. I opened myself up to it. Maybe you could try to construct your comment in a useful way instead of just being all out nasty? But if you feel the need to be nasty, like I said I opened myself up to it. I’m a big girl, I can take it

Quoting andreamarie: Keeping my opinion to myself.
Roo1234
by Member on Dec. 7, 2017 at 12:08 PM

No matter what he has told you, he hasn't forgiven you. 

Get marital and individual counseling before you make any decision.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 7, 2017 at 12:12 PM
No no no, I wasn’t meaning to sound that way, I’m sorry.
I just meant that if you wanted to say something that way that I can handle it. I was trying to let you know that I fully understand that I put myself out there so that if someone were to be ugly to me that I couldn’t really blame them. That’s all
I wasn’t trying to call you nasty

Quoting andreamarie: I am not really all out nasty. Thank you for the assumption.

Quoting Anonymous 1: I’m guessing you have something not so nice to say. It’s ok really. I opened myself up to it. Maybe you could try to construct your comment in a useful way instead of just being all out nasty? But if you feel the need to be nasty, like I said I opened myself up to it. I’m a big girl, I can take it

Quoting andreamarie: Keeping my opinion to myself.
andreamarie
by on Dec. 7, 2017 at 12:44 PM
1 mom liked this
Ok.
I remember a post similar to this. Was it yours ?
If it was I also remember telling that poster that her marriage if she chose to stay in it was going to be a long hard road.
Forgiveness is not the same as regained trust as I believe you have learned.
In your husbands mind anyone who knew about your affair is just as guilty as you .
I am not saying he will not come around, but honestly I do not see it.
Some people do but most cannot get past the cheating.
Everything you say or do is going to be suspect to him for a very long time if not permanently.
It seems neither of you are happy.
You are basically out of guilt allowing him to keep you in a prison.
You are under house arrest and he is the prison guard, warden and judge.
Now you have a child.
You need to decide if this is how you want your child to grow up, watching you constantly following every word of your husband. Having no friends or family around as he demands.
That is not a life.
At this point why you are in this situation is irrellivent.
You can either continue to deprive yourself and child of a NORMAL LIFE or tell your husband that the two of you need therapy and changes made.
Get day care, a part time job, make new friends and see your family.
If he fights this, you can be a prisoner with you child or live a normal decent life.
I would take the second choice.


Quoting Anonymous 1: No no no, I wasn�¢ï¿½ï¿½t meaning to sound that way, I�¢ï¿½ï¿½m sorry.



I just meant that if you wanted to say something that way that I can handle it. I was trying to let you know that I fully understand that I put myself out there so that if someone were to be ugly to me that I couldn�¢ï¿½ï¿½t really blame them. That�¢ï¿½ï¿½s all



I wasn�¢ï¿½ï¿½t trying to call you nasty


Quoting andreamarie: I am not really all out nasty. Thank you for the assumption.


Quoting Anonymous 1: I�¢ï¿½ï¿½m guessing you have something not so nice to say. It�¢ï¿½ï¿½s ok really. I opened myself up to it. Maybe you could try to construct your comment in a useful way instead of just being all out nasty? But if you feel the need to be nasty, like I said I opened myself up to it. I�¢ï¿½ï¿½m a big girl, I can take it


Quoting andreamarie: Keeping my opinion to myself.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 8, 2017 at 10:19 PM

How many kids do you have and how old are they? 

How long was the cheating done for and who was it?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 9, 2017 at 9:08 AM
We have 3 kids. A teen, a pre teen and a baby
The cheating lasted a span of 2 weeks. It wasn’t a type of thing where we spent time together like going out or anything, we got together to sleep together. It happened 4 times during that 2 weeks.

Quoting Anonymous 3:

How many kids do you have and how old are they? 

How long was the cheating done for and who was it?

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