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The Cafe The Cafe

Should she leave? (piog)

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My friend wanted me to put a post up for her......

Her husband is  a pothead and she hates it.. She wanted to know if she should leave him. She really does love him, the main problem for her is that she is a sahm  so she doesn't have a job, and her daughter is very young she is only 4 months old.

She wants her husband to stop this habit but he refuses to try or get any kind of help.

What do you ladies think.....

 

by on Apr. 2, 2008 at 3:08 PM
Replies (11-14):
fleurdeve
by on Apr. 2, 2008 at 4:03 PM
WOW!! Sound like my story only i have 2 children's..6 years old and 16 months old..

 BEFORE I STARTS""EVERYONE MUST KNOW: I AM NOT AGAINTS POT SMOKING!!

BUT: here is my 2 cents on the subject:

 My hubby smokes pot and yes because of this we are separating in July.

Because his mood change are too humongous for me to handle and deal with.It has not always been this way...There was a time where our family income could support his smoking habits,there are rules set, Not around the kids EVER, not as long has they are not in bed sleeping EVER, not in the house or around the house when he smoking it EVER, Not when he is alone with the kids EVER.

Now his smoking habit have grow,and so did our family, we can not afford it as much anymore but he refuse to let it go, when he doesnt have it there is like a bubble that forms around him and no one can burst it, he wont participate in the family activity's at all, burly speak to us, and aewww!!! : he has a hard time driving his nasty but into the shower..Now i had it, most time i take our bills cash and give it to him for it because i bother have the bills company call and bitch than have him like this in the house for weeks at the time( i know this is bad, really bad)..all he do is going to work(thank god!), sit on is butt, eat,sit on is butt some more,eat, go to bed.
He is not like this when he knows he will smoke some pot later on the evening...total opposite, he even became the BEST Father, husband and friend EVER.

So my point is: If it does affect her life and her kids life as much as it affect ours..well, maybe separating would be an option..if he refuse to stop,or at lease settle down with this..Or if she is not happy, cry about this, hurt..well, maybe leaving him is the answer...

But there is hope: she can get counseling for her, to learn how to live with someone who use drugs.I have gone to see interventionist,it has not work for me because i refuse to live the way we live, i refuse to leave him 3 weeks out of 4 acting like this, i have my own shit to deal with, and all ready have 2 kids, don't need his lazy,babyish attitude around here..

So in July, i am moving out with the kids,he has until then to find himself some where else to live.No one of us keep this appartment, it is too expensive for him to handle on his own and if i don't move out he wont either..so i am moving just a few floors down..hahaha...he just don't know this just yet..he dosent need to for now.
SStankiewicz721
by on Apr. 2, 2008 at 4:04 PM
OK so let the man toke up!!! He sounds like he works his butt off and its not as bad as alcohol, trust me!
Quoting Eveysmom527:

no he would never do it around his daughter and he does provide for the family... he goes to work everyday and works his butt off for them....
Quoting KatsMom921:

Not trying to be rude but......She knew what kind of guy she married.  To split a family up over pot is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.  If it were coke, heroine, meth or even alcohol I'd say yes.

As long as he smokes in moderation, NOT around the baby and provides for his family, I don't see a problem. 

Yes, I know it's illegal.  PLEASE NO PREACHY PM'S FROM MOM'S WHO THINK THEY ARE PERFECT!
Sylvain's Mommy
mommy2-3kiddos
by on Apr. 2, 2008 at 4:13 PM
I totally disagree....not even touching the issue itself, but the fact that you made a choice somewhere along the way that may not have been right for your life doesn't mean you live the rest of your life suffering because of it (mentally, emotionally, whatever).

My first husband was a controlling, manipulative, liar.  Did I know that before hand?  Yup.  Did I think I could "fix" it?  Yup.  Should I have married him?  HELL no, but I was young & stupid.....my son was 2 when I told him to go to hell & left.  I wasn't living like that forever.

Tell her to do what is going to make her happy. She either needs to learn to accept what he's doing (truly accept it & be ok with it) or leave & find happiness elsewhere.
Quoting KatsMom921:


Quoting Eveysmom527:

it has been an issue the whole time they have been together.... she just thought that it might get better...
Quoting KatsMom921:


Quoting Eveysmom527:

no he would never do it around his daughter and he does provide for the family... he goes to work everyday and works his butt off for them....
Quoting KatsMom921:

Not trying to be rude but......She knew what kind of guy she married.  To split a family up over pot is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.  If it were coke, heroine, meth or even alcohol I'd say yes.

As long as he smokes in moderation, NOT around the baby and provides for his family, I don't see a problem. 

Yes, I know it's illegal.  PLEASE NO PREACHY PM'S FROM MOM'S WHO THINK THEY ARE PERFECT!
Then I don't see what the big deal is.  She may hate it but why did she put up with it all this time??    If it were really an issue, why not bring it up when she found out she was preggers??
Then I'm sorry but she knew what she was in for before the "I dos" She has no right to make a huge family splitting issue out of it now.
I know she may be thinking she's doing what's best for her daughter but not having her father around will do more damage then him puffing a doobie here and there.
missi52407
by on Apr. 2, 2008 at 4:16 PM

Quoting KatsMom921:


Quoting Eveysmom527:

it has been an issue the whole time they have been together.... she just thought that it might get better...
Quoting KatsMom921:


Quoting Eveysmom527:

no he would never do it around his daughter and he does provide for the family... he goes to work everyday and works his butt off for them....
Quoting KatsMom921:

Not trying to be rude but......She knew what kind of guy she married. To split a family up over pot is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. If it were coke, heroine, meth or even alcohol I'd say yes.

As long as he smokes in moderation, NOT around the baby and provides for his family, I don't see a problem.

Yes, I know it's illegal. PLEASE NO PREACHY PM'S FROM MOM'S WHO THINK THEY ARE PERFECT!
Then I don't see what the big deal is. She may hate it but why did she put up with it all this time?? If it were really an issue, why not bring it up when she found out she was preggers??
Then I'm sorry but she knew what she was in for before the "I dos" She has no right to make a huge family splitting issue out of it now.
I know she may be thinking she's doing what's best for her daughter but not having her father around will do more damage then him puffing a doobie here and there.
I agree i mean gimmie a break...its not like hes lit up around the kid and the man busts his ass at work all day...maybe..she needs to look at all the good things that he does for them and stop looking to the negative!!


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