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Rape...Please help me feel better about this....Edited!

Posted by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 6:28 PM
  • 8 Replies

What do you do if you find out one close friend raped another close frind? Especially when the one close frind is 8 yrs younger than the male friend. Me and hubby went away this weekend for his guard duty stuff and left my friend with the kids. We didn't think anything would happen, who does? Anyways, my friend/babysitter called me at the hotel around 12:30 or so, and told me that the male friend had showed up drunk off his ass and I told her to tell him to leave that he wasn't supposed to be there. I tried to call her 10 min. later and didn't get an answer and kept trying, like 15 times. I was worried and felt something was going on. If it wasn't for the long drive, I would have left my hubby and came home. Well, today, my babysitter/friend, told me that he had raped her. I didn't know what to say or think. I was upset that she didn't tell me before hand. As for the phone calls, she couldn't answer them because thats when he was raping her. Luckily my kids were upstairs sleeping and no nothing about this. How could I trust someone around my kids when they eventually turn into this monster? I've known him for 2 yrs but hubby has known him all his life. I'm sure his excuse is that he was drunk, but in my mind, that is no excuse. He knew we weren't oing to be home, cause he works with my hubby. I know now to never leave my babysitter here alone for an overnighter. Am I at fault for this too?

I did take her to our police cheif. And he is making her file a report. Its too late to go to hospital since it happened on Friday. The male friend did know she was going to be here alone. When she called me he followed her to basement and thats where it took place. I told my hubby about it and all he can say is that the male friend is a piece o shit, which he is. And then what gets me the most is that we let him live here with us for like 2 months.

by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 6:28 PM
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Replies (1-8):
randi1978
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 6:32 PM

Has she reported it to the police?  If not, encourage her to do so!  OMG.....I don't know how I would react if my friend told me that.  Ban the male "friend" from your home and encourage your friend to report the assault to the police.  Drunk or not, you are right, it is NO EXCUSE!

USAF.Wife
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 6:37 PM

you need to be there for the friend who needs you the most. and that is the rape victom.she needs your help in getting this guy behind bars. its not your fault that he raped her,and him being drunk is no excuse at all. do the right thing.

dancer5722
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 6:41 PM

You are definitly not at fault!  This is by no means your fault at all.  And, by taking away the right to your friend babysitting overnight again, you are only adding to her pain.  Unless she specifically tells you she is not comfortable staying with them in case something like that happens again.  Also....because your children were involved.  I would look into pressing charges on her behalf.  Not sure if you can....but if she's not willing to do it....

Good luck!

about2beamommy
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 6:42 PM

wow this is a tough one let me ask u this do you believe your friend? i think that you need to make sure your friend reports this asap this is terrible that this happened to her but no it is not your fault and i wouldnt blame myself if i were u. being drunk is never an excuse and why would he come over A. drunk which means he was driving and B. if he knew you werent at home did he know she would be there? i would make sure your husband knew what was going on so that he could make sure this guy stays far far away from your friend and your family. i think he seriously needs help if he could do something like that to someone. you need to stay strong for your friend and just be there for her best you can.

USAF.Wife
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 6:43 PM


Quoting dancer5722:

You are definitly not at fault!  This is by no means your fault at all.  And, by taking away the right to your friend babysitting overnight again, you are only adding to her pain.  Unless she specifically tells you she is not comfortable staying with them in case something like that happens again.  Also....because your children were involved.  I would look into pressing charges on her behalf.  Not sure if you can....but if she's not willing to do it....

Good luck!

i agree with all of this.

okrasin
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 6:46 PM

You are not at fault, I do hope that she reported this and went to the hospital. I am sorry to hear someone you trusted did this. I am also very sorry she had to go through something so horrible.


charlie06
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 6:46 PM

Being drunk is no excuse at ALL!! You and your friend should be reporting this. He should be charged, friend or no friend it is wrong what he did.

emilysmom8
by Bronze Member on Dec. 17, 2008 at 6:47 PM


Quoting USAF.Wife:

you need to be there for the friend who needs you the most. and that is the rape victom.she needs your help in getting this guy behind bars. its not your fault that he raped her,and him being drunk is no excuse at all. do the right thing.


I agee you do need to be there for your friend.. However I think you should talk to the male friend also and find out his verision of the story. One of my friends told me one time that a friend of ours raped her, she filed a police report and they talked to the guy and he said they had sex but she wanted it and so did he. Well after the police interviewed him and they talked to my female friend she told the cops a differant story than she first told them (all together she told 3 differant stories), the cops never filed charges because of the changes in my friends story. The whole time my male friends story NEVER changed.. About 6 months after this all happend my female friend and I where out and she got drunk and admitted to me that while she was hanging out with our  male friend they decided to have sex, she felt bad after the fact because she was engaged and she had to tell her fiance she had sex with another man and the only way she could think of was to tell him she was raped...

I am not saying your friend is lying but every story has 3 sides person A's person B's and the truth!  

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