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My cousin...I'm sworn to secrecy so I have nowhere else to write this (sorta long)

Posted by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 5:47 AM
  • 11 Replies

Okay, well my cousin is 18. Or almost I think. Well, she had been dating this guy she met online for like almost 2 years. They never met because well, neither one had the money and he was in the Army and he went to Iraq almost a year ago. Their relationship was phone and computer based. Nobody knew this but her, but, she wasn't being completely honest with him about herself. I don't know the whole story but she lied big time about a lot of stuff. She said she was older, showed someone else's pics to him as her, basically told him she had a different life. She just now confessed this to me tonight.

I feel I should tell y'all this part, it doesn't make what she did right by ANY means. I think it was wrong but I feel like this is part of the story and y'all should know about it if you read this. Her father killed himself when she was about 6 years old. She didn't know him well due to him being in the Navy and being gone so many times but still, she was a little girl and that was her daddy. After that, her and her mom Anna moved in with my aunt and uncle, her mom's parents. Anna mourned for a year and then she met a guy I won't use his real name so lets call him T, and a few months after she met him, she moved him in with her, her parents and her daughter in there 3 bedroom house. I don't know when it was but well T had been in rehab before meeting Anna and i think about 3 or 4 years into the relationship they were both doing weed and cocaine. My cousin never knew about it till later being she was about 10. But they went to a 12 step program which is when my cousin found out, then they quit the program but as far as everyone knew, they were only drinking and that is why they quit. They went back to the program years later but then quit again. From what i know, being my family knows everything about everyone, T would never fully grow up, I don't know the whole story but he would expect Anna and him to go out and do whatever whenever and my aunt and uncle would watch my cousin. That did go on for awhile from my understanding. My mom told me they would stay in there room a lot. They were off and on for about 10 years, he moved out in 2007, but they were together just not living together. Then around this time last year, T told Anna he wanted to see other people and he moved onto a older woman, and then over the summer, Anna went a bit wild but then her and T got back together by August last year cuz he supposedly had changed but then in October, she gave him up for good. (Anna has finally met a nice guy and he has a great job and a good life and hes really good to her but that's kind of O/T.)

Well, my cousin told me tonight about how she made so much up. I asked her why she lied and she said she had never planned to let it get that far. She said it originally started because she didn't want to have to tell people about her dad and her mom and T and deal with their reactions because she had told guys in the past flat out and they told her she probably had issues and that she was being fake because shes peppy and bubbly, thats generally how she is because she said she isn't going to let her parent's mistakes ruin her life, and she said she got sick of hearing that so she made some stuff up. She told me she had planned numerous times that she was going to break it off and have him never find out but she honestly fell for him after she had already made up everything. She said she's regretted doing it for so long because she does love him. Her boyfriend got a leave from Iraq for so many days, and he got to chose where to go and he chose to come straight here to see her. I knew about this when he was on the way and at that time, I didn't know she hadn't been honest. Then, I think he got here last friday. She didn't see him friday. She was going to see him Saturday night but she was sick. He begged and pleaded for her to come see him. He was at a hotel. Then Sunday night she went to see him. She told me what happened, I'll try to remember what she said. She told me a great deal of what happened, I may leave some stuff out. She said she told him the truth on the phone at around 9pm. She broke down and told him. He told her to come over to the hotel and they'll talk about it and he wasn't ruling anything out and there was a chance for anything. He told her there was two beds and she could stay and he was getting a rental car in the morning and he would take her home. She got her mom to take her, her mom knew about him and everything but doesn't know about the lying part.

Well, she went over there and she said they were fine to begin with. He hugged her and and she said I know, i'm not pretty(she is pretty, she just doesn't think she is). He told her no, she really was. Then he kissed her. She said they sat down and talked and she answered all his questions and they talked for a few hours, I can't remember everything she said they talked about but she said they seemed kind of normal. Then he was going to bed because he was leaving in the morning to go home to see his family. And he asked her if she needed to say anything else and then she took his hand and then he full on kissed her and she said that she did pull him onto the bed and they made out. Then he asked her if she wanted to do anything. Well, she is a virgin. So she told him that she did not have protection. He didn't either. But well, she gave him a head job. Then he stopped her and she stood up and he pulled her pants down and she sat down and then he told her to turn around. She told him she hadn't ever had sex before and she wasn't ready just yet. She tried to finish him with her mouth but he stopped her and told her if they weren't having sex, there was no need.

Then he told her he didn't wanna be with her. She said why. He told her it was because she lied to him and all that. Then he got in one bed and turned off all the lights. She said she can't sleep in the dark. He told her she could leave. But she asked him if she could get in and he let her then she asked him to hold her and he did. Then he told her maybe he was being kind of harsh on her cuz she has had a hard life but it does not justify what she did. She told him she knew it didn't and she was sorry. Then he kissed her. Then she said a few minutes or so later he asked her to finish what she had been doing and she tried to but he had been drinking and he wanted to mess with her so she eventually stopped. Then they got in a HUGE fight, I am not really sure how it happened and he eventually told her to get the fuck out but she wouldn't so he tried to leave but she wouldn't let him. Then he got into the other bed and he let her turn the tv on but muted it and she said she wrote him a note while he was asleep and put it on his hat and then she went to sleep and then his alarm woke her up and he was getting dressed and she mentioned the note and he told her he read it and it was in the trash. She asked him to stay but he just kept telling her to shut the fuck up and then he called a cab to go get the rental car and well she got up and got her shoes and stuff back on then he left and she followed him and she tried to call her Mom and was trying to get a ride and she called a few people and well no answer so she asked him if he was getting a rental car and he nodded and she said she had no way home then he told her she could ride in the cab and they go straight to her place and he could get his stuff. He had had boots and some other stuff shipped to her house so he could wear when he saw her. Well they went to her house and she said she just went in and forgot about him and then he knocked on the door and she went and found something and gave it to him and she couldn't find the other stuff so she then told him she would send him the other stuff. He left then. She had told everyone they broke up but had not told anyone the whole reason why.

I'm the first person she has really told what happened. I don't really know why I'm posting it here, I guess to tell someone since I'm sworn to secrecy. I told her she is not a bad person. It wasn't right to do that but shes not a bad person. I think that was the best thing to say.

by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 5:47 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MissMandaz
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 8:02 AM

Wow that is crazy..

~Mandaz

mme
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 8:13 AM

How did she forget he was out there when she went in to get his stuff?!?!

MissMandaz
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 8:19 AM


Quoting mme:

How did she forget he was out there when she went in to get his stuff?!?!


i was thinking the same thing..

i also dont understand why the mom was ok wiht this hotel meeting?

~Mandaz

mme
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 8:35 AM

I don't wanna bash this girl b/c I'm sure she's heart broken BUT you have to think about the poor guy as well.  For two years he's been dating this girl he probably thought he loved and I bet more than not about her turned out to be a lie - she didn't even use her own picture!!  He wasted time on his leave from Iraq to visit someone that wasn't!!!  Considering they've never met before or spent any time together their whole relationship was built on trust (they only KNEW what each told one another) so without any trust there is no relationship.  The girl he met in the hotel was a stranger to him!!!  I understand she got carried away & didn't mean for it to go this far BUT two years?!?!  I think fessing up at least the picture should have happened at (at least) the 3 (maybe 6) month mark!!

MaryKayLady
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 8:57 AM

WOW, that is crazy I think that she should have been honest with him from the beginning. Your friend should be thanking God that this man didn't try to hurt her for lying. If your cousin knew that she was going to meet this man and confest all the lies she had told to a man that she never seen before then she should have let you come with her as support. She should have also had a back up plan, Like cab fare or a reliable person to bring her home. By reading this post the guy really sounded like he was a lil nutty. Your cousin really put herself in a bad situation. I can only hope that she learn from her mistakes and never do that to any guy she meet or herself again. .

xboxlulu
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 9:10 AM


Quoting mme:

I don't wanna bash this girl b/c I'm sure she's heart broken BUT you have to think about the poor guy as well.  For two years he's been dating this girl he probably thought he loved and I bet more than not about her turned out to be a lie - she didn't even use her own picture!!  He wasted time on his leave from Iraq to visit someone that wasn't!!!  Considering they've never met before or spent any time together their whole relationship was built on trust (they only KNEW what each told one another) so without any trust there is no relationship.  The girl he met in the hotel was a stranger to him!!!  I understand she got carried away & didn't mean for it to go this far BUT two years?!?!  I think fessing up at least the picture should have happened at (at least) the 3 (maybe 6) month mark!!

I'm sorry but I have to agree.  I'm sure your cousin is upset...but come on...really?  She lied to this man for 2 YEARS!  What did she think was gonna happen?  That he was just going to magically forgive her for crushing him like that?  Not only did she lie to him and destroy any dreams he may have had for a future with her, she also made a fool of him.  He's not only heartbroken and angry, he's embarassed that he got played like that, and NOW...that poor guy has to go back to his family, and worse yet, his friends in Iraq and TELL them about it, making himself feel like an even bigger fool!  All I can say is she's lucky he was man enough to just leave in the morning.  There are a lot of crazy people out there and she should be counting her lucky stars that he wasn't one of them and that he didn't beat her to death or something when he found out about her.

I'm sorry if it sounds harsh, but I once had a friend online, years ago.  Her name was Jasmine.  We talked is this one chat room for 5 years, never having met.  We told each other everything...or so I thought.  We sent pictures back and forth for years and planned on meeting one day cause she only lived about 4 hours from me.  Well I had another friend there too, his name is Sterling (an although neither of us go to the chat anymore, he and I have keep in contact to this day...almost 6 years later) and Sterling fell for Jaz.  They talked for almost 3 years and she asked him to come visit her in Cinnci.  He of course said yes because he was madly in love with her.  He DROVE from North Carolina to Ohio to see her.  They had talked on the phone several times during his trip and she kept saying how excited she was that he was on his way.  BUT....when he was about 30 from her apartment....she stopped answering the phone.  He called me a few times asking if I had talked to her, but I couldn't get hold of her either.

When he got to her apartment, he rang the bell (it's a security building where you have to be buzzed up).  No one answered.  He stood ringing that bell for half an hour, still no answer.  He started getting worried thinking something bad had happened to her.  He called me several times but I still couldn't get hold of her either.  He got in his car and cruised the parking lot lookin for her car, and he found it, so he knew she was still there somewhere.  He went back to ringing the bell.  After about another half hour, some guy comes out of the building and held the door open for Sterling and let him go up when he explained that he was there to see Jaz and was worried about her. (the guy was Jaz's neighbor) 

So...Sterling went upstairs to her apartment and knocked on the door.  No answer...but he could hear movement inside, so he kept knocking.  Just as he was getting ready to give up...he heard someone unlock the door, he turned around and there was a stranger standing there looking at him.  He asked if Jaz was home, and she said,"No, she had to run to the store, she'll be back in a few minutes."  Sterling said,"But her car's in the parking lot."  She goes,"Oh yeah....I'm her cousin and she took my car."  He says,"Well I'm Sterling, I just drove from NC to see her, can I come in and wait?"  The girl says,"Uh, sure.", and let him in.

He sat there in the apartment for 2 freaking hours waiting on Jaz to come back, talking to her cousin.  He looked around the apartment while he sat there and noticed that there were pictures all over the place...but not ONE of them was of Jasmine...they were all of "the cousin".  He finially looked at her and said,"Where the hell is Jasmine?"  And she just kind of stared at him.  He said,"You know what, screw this, I'm leaving.  I don't know what the hell is going on but I'm done playing games!!" and he got up to leave.

Then all of a sudden "the cousin" bursts into tears begging him not to leave.  Turns out....suprise, suprise...."the cousin" WAS Jasmine!! 

The pictures that Jasmine had sent me for 5 years were of a thin, light skinned black woman with long hair who was super model gorgrous!  She's sent pics of her with her "son" that she claimed to love madly. 

Well...Jasmine...the real Jasmine...was short, very dark skinned and grossly overweight (she did still have a pretty face though)...and the "son" that she'd been telling us about for years....is her nephew.  The woman in the pictures she'd sent us for years and years....her stepsister and her son (the nephew).  Her stepsister had no idea that Jaz had been using her and her sons pictures as her own....till the day before Sterling was due to show up.  Out of desperation Jaz told her the day before and begged her to come to her place and pretend to be her!!  The stepsister, being an actual decent person...refused.  She told her, "You got yourself into this by lying your ass off....you get yourself out of it.  I want no part in breaking this mans heart!!"

Sterling was devestated.  He was in love with a lie...a woman who didn't really exist.  She'd lied about herself (as far as apperance), she'd lied about having a son, she'd lied about her job, she'd lied to him about everything.  When she got done trying to explain herself, he simply got up and walked out in tears.

A few minutes I got a phone call...it was Sterling and he was crying so hard I could barely understand him.  He told me what happened and I started crying too.  This woman had been my friend for 5 years.  I'd told her everything about me and never held back and never lied.  I trusted her, I believed in her, and it was all an elaborate lie.  Sterling headed back to NC in the middle of a freaking blizzard to go back home and get away from Jaz.  And I just sat and cried on my husbands shoulder for hours.

A few days later Jaz called me and tried to appologize.  It didn't work.  I wanted to forgive her, but I didn't becuase I had no idea who the hell she was and was not about to let her play me for a fool again.  She tried several times online and on the phone to make up with both Sterling and I, but we were done.  She even stooped low enough that she started a new screen name in the chat room and tried to get up with Sterling again!!  Sterling and I both left that chat room and haven't been back since then because of her.  He and I are still good friends, but Jaz is just a past learning experience.  She betrayed us both and some betrayals just can't and won't be forgiven.

I'm sorry if your cousin is upset, but she brought it on herself.

 


 

FashionMommy12
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 9:36 AM

 

Quoting xboxlulu:

 

Quoting mme:

I'm sorry but I have to agree.  I'm sure your cousin is upset...but come on...really?  She lied to this man for 2 YEARS!  What did she think was gonna happen?  That he was just going to magically forgive her for crushing him like that?  Not only did she lie to him and destroy any dreams he may have had for a future with her, she also made a fool of him.  He's not only heartbroken and angry, he's embarassed that he got played like that, and NOW...that poor guy has to go back to his family, and worse yet, his friends in Iraq and TELL them about it, making himself feel like an even bigger fool!  All I can say is she's lucky he was man enough to just leave in the morning.  There are a lot of crazy people out there and she should be counting her lucky stars that he wasn't one of them and that he didn't beat her to death or something when he found out about her.

I'm sorry if it sounds harsh, but I once had a friend online, years ago.  Her name was Jasmine.  We talked is this one chat room for 5 years, never having met.  We told each other everything...or so I thought.  We sent pictures back and forth for years and planned on meeting one day cause she only lived about 4 hours from me.  Well I had another friend there too, his name is Sterling (an although neither of us go to the chat anymore, he and I have keep in contact to this day...almost 6 years later) and Sterling fell for Jaz.  They talked for almost 3 years and she asked him to come visit her in Cinnci.  He of course said yes because he was madly in love with her.  He DROVE from North Carolina to Ohio to see her.  They had talked on the phone several times during his trip and she kept saying how excited she was that he was on his way.  BUT....when he was about 30 from her apartment....she stopped answering the phone.  He called me a few times asking if I had talked to her, but I couldn't get hold of her either.

When he got to her apartment, he rang the bell (it's a security building where you have to be buzzed up).  No one answered.  He stood ringing that bell for half an hour, still no answer.  He started getting worried thinking something bad had happened to her.  He called me several times but I still couldn't get hold of her either.  He got in his car and cruised the parking lot lookin for her car, and he found it, so he knew she was still there somewhere.  He went back to ringing the bell.  After about another half hour, some guy comes out of the building and held the door open for Sterling and let him go up when he explained that he was there to see Jaz and was worried about her. (the guy was Jaz's neighbor) 

So...Sterling went upstairs to her apartment and knocked on the door.  No answer...but he could hear movement inside, so he kept knocking.  Just as he was getting ready to give up...he heard someone unlock the door, he turned around and there was a stranger standing there looking at him.  He asked if Jaz was home, and she said,"No, she had to run to the store, she'll be back in a few minutes."  Sterling said,"But her car's in the parking lot."  She goes,"Oh yeah....I'm her cousin and she took my car."  He says,"Well I'm Sterling, I just drove from NC to see her, can I come in and wait?"  The girl says,"Uh, sure.", and let him in.

He sat there in the apartment for 2 freaking hours waiting on Jaz to come back, talking to her cousin.  He looked around the apartment while he sat there and noticed that there were pictures all over the place...but not ONE of them was of Jasmine...they were all of "the cousin".  He finially looked at her and said,"Where the hell is Jasmine?"  And she just kind of stared at him.  He said,"You know what, screw this, I'm leaving.  I don't know what the hell is going on but I'm done playing games!!" and he got up to leave.

Then all of a sudden "the cousin" bursts into tears begging him not to leave.  Turns out....suprise, suprise...."the cousin" WAS Jasmine!! 

The pictures that Jasmine had sent me for 5 years were of a thin, light skinned black woman with long hair who was super model gorgrous!  She's sent pics of her with her "son" that she claimed to love madly. 

Well...Jasmine...the real Jasmine...was short, very dark skinned and grossly overweight (she did still have a pretty face though)...and the "son" that she'd been telling us about for years....is her nephew.  The woman in the pictures she'd sent us for years and years....her stepsister and her son (the nephew).  Her stepsister had no idea that Jaz had been using her and her sons pictures as her own....till the day before Sterling was due to show up.  Out of desperation Jaz told her the day before and begged her to come to her place and pretend to be her!!  The stepsister, being an actual decent person...refused.  She told her, "You got yourself into this by lying your ass off....you get yourself out of it.  I want no part in breaking this mans heart!!"

Sterling was devestated.  He was in love with a lie...a woman who didn't really exist.  She'd lied about herself (as far as apperance), she'd lied about having a son, she'd lied about her job, she'd lied to him about everything.  When she got done trying to explain herself, he simply got up and walked out in tears.

A few minutes I got a phone call...it was Sterling and he was crying so hard I could barely understand him.  He told me what happened and I started crying too.  This woman had been my friend for 5 years.  I'd told her everything about me and never held back and never lied.  I trusted her, I believed in her, and it was all an elaborate lie.  Sterling headed back to NC in the middle of a freaking blizzard to go back home and get away from Jaz.  And I just sat and cried on my husbands shoulder for hours.

A few days later Jaz called me and tried to appologize.  It didn't work.  I wanted to forgive her, but I didn't becuase I had no idea who the hell she was and was not about to let her play me for a fool again.  She tried several times online and on the phone to make up with both Sterling and I, but we were done.  She even stooped low enough that she started a new screen name in the chat room and tried to get up with Sterling again!!  Sterling and I both left that chat room and haven't been back since then because of her.  He and I are still good friends, but Jaz is just a past learning experience.  She betrayed us both and some betrayals just can't and won't be forgiven.

I'm sorry if your cousin is upset, but she brought it on herself.

I'm sorry that happened to you and your friend. 5 years is a LONG time. I can't believe that it went on for half a decade. It was almost 2 years with my cousin. I think she said June would have been two years.

There is a difference in the stories tho. I don't know why your ex friend Jasmine lied about herself except because she might not like her appearence(that is the only reason you gave).  I agree, it is wrong, both cases are wrong.  I do to a point understand why my cousin did that but it doesn't make it better.  I just can understand what made her do that. Did you ever find out the reason on why Jasmine did that?

Also, Sterling left. This guy didn't leave or break things off immediatly. He invited her over and told her there was a chance and when she refused to sleep with him, he got mad.

xboxlulu
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 9:55 AM


Quoting FashionMommy12:

I'm sorry that happened to you and your friend. 5 years is a LONG time. I can't believe that it went on for half a decade. It was almost 2 years with my cousin. I think she said June would have been two years.

There is a difference in the stories tho. I don't know why your ex friend Jasmine lied about herself except because she might not like her appearence(that is the only reason you gave).  I agree, it is wrong, both cases are wrong.  I do to a point understand why my cousin did that but it doesn't make it better.  I just can understand what made her do that. Did you ever find out the reason on why Jasmine did that?

Also, Sterling left. This guy didn't leave or break things off immediatly. He invited her over and told her there was a chance and when she refused to sleep with him, he got mad.

 

Yes, Jaz claimed low self esteem based on childhood and family problems as well, but it's no excuse.  I had a horrible childhood, I was abused in ways that would make most people cry...but I've never lied about who I am or what I do to anyone because of it.  If they don't like me for me, good and bad, I don't need them.

And yes Sterling took the high road and left without trying to sleep with her first.  But Sterling wasn't a lonely man stationed in Iraq dealing with war and death every day either.  He's a prominent photographer and architect and has never had a problem meeting women.

Yeah, I know the guy probably shouldn't have tried to have sex with your cousin, but being as she had to have pretty much known that's what he was expecting after 2 years and being as he'd just been told that everything he'd hoped for and been in love with was a lie....I can't really say I blame him for trying to get something out of it.  He is a man after all.


 

xboxlulu
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 9:57 AM


Quoting mme:

How did she forget he was out there when she went in to get his stuff?!?!


Yeah...I was wondering this same thing.  She spent the entire night in a hotel with the man, tried to suck him off, fought with him...but she suddenly FORGOT that he was sitting in the drive way waiting for her to give him his belongings?  Not likely.

 

mme
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 11:05 AM

I don't think your family history is a justified reason to lie about yourself.  We all have crazy families (or at least some crazy relatives)!  All she had to do was leave the mom/dad/bf stuff out & then she'd only be guilty by omission.  OR just lie about them not herself.  (I'm not condoning lying!!!  I'm just saying if you're that ashamed or concerned folks will judge you b/c of them - make up stuff that makes THEM look better/different.)

Quoting FashionMommy12:

 

There is a difference in the stories tho. I don't know why your ex friend Jasmine lied about herself except because she might not like her appearence(that is the only reason you gave).  I agree, it is wrong, both cases are wrong.  I do to a point understand why my cousin did that but it doesn't make it better.  I just can understand what made her do that. Did you ever find out the reason on why Jasmine did that?


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