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Whoa...Im not feeling too hot this morning.

Posted by on Jun. 21, 2009 at 1:00 PM
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I had another dream about my kids father. I was confronting him in the dream asking him repeatedly why doesnt he love his kids . He avoided the answer and kept leaving than he finally said I dont love them because they are bad and get on my nerves. I cried and his new woman was in the dream and I was telling her look you are stupid you never even met my kids and you been with him for like 2 years now and he abandoned us what kind of woman would get pregnant with a man like that ? It was totally realistic and Im so mad that I keep having dreams about this putrid man. In reality yes he did abandon me and his kids. He hasnt seen them in well over year and he lives in the same city. He acted like my kids just ot on his nerves like he couldnt stand them . However he had another child AFTER our kids were born and he loves that child and he's involved...THAN another woman wrote me on myspace saying he bought my kids toys from the dollar store for christmas and she MAY be pregnant with his kid and he went all out for her buying her all types of baby things begging to go with her to appointments etc.... I asked him about it and he said yeah its true...This is a woman he was just sleeping with he wasnt even in  a relationship with her. That was the final straw with me that's when I realized look he really doesnt love our kids . I just dont know why and i think thats why I feel like i do ...Like I want to know why...Our kids were planned...we were engaged th an suddenly he meets another woman and he's just totally done with all of us like even our prescence just annoys him.... All I can say is im glad he didnt pull a scott peterson and kill us all . Although for awhile I was worried he might take that route if he  gets nutty enough. I stayed awake some nights because I had dreams he decided to kill us to get rid of us....

So now he has a new woman pregnant and she's living with him and having a girl...Im kinda upset ...He always hated my daughter for no reason but he's having a girl and I just know he isnt going to treat that baby like he treated mine...I just want to know why....WHY did he do this?Why doesnt he love his own kids yet will jump at the opportunity to father a jumpoff's kid? I know Im not greatlooking but is that a reason to just turn your back on your kids???

Side note my mom is here watching the kids and I was laying in bed literally knocked out and dd and ds poured a friggin pitcher of cold water directly  over my head....OMG I was sooooooooooo pissed. My mom was laughing claiming she didnt see them with the pitcher of water. Now my bed is soaking wet and so is my hair and I had a dream that depressed me . I just want to crawl under a rock and cry but my mom is here so i have to hold it together until she leaves. She doesnt know how bothered i am about  the kids father.

by on Jun. 21, 2009 at 1:00 PM
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Dogma
by on Jun. 21, 2009 at 2:06 PM

I am sorry that your dream disturbed you so much.  I think you are a powerful and good woman.  You are strong and smart.  There is nothing you can do to make your ex appreciate your children, but there is everything you can do to raise them to be smart and strong like you and realize that YOU, not their SD (sperm donor), loved and cared for them to the best of your ability.  I have been where you are, and my kids are grown and realize now all the sacrifices I made for them.  They also are quite clear about their father's "role" in their lives.  Sure they missed having a male role model, but if I couldn't give them one, I gave them all of me--and it worked.  God bless you--I hope you get a nap later today.  

Hugs,

DogMa (Liz)   

Liz

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