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i REALLY need advice

Posted by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 12:46 PM
  • 7 Replies

me and dh been together for almost 6 years. married 3. i love him so much. he is such a great daddy to all three of my kids. he likes to take them places and stuff like that. he text me every day just to tell me he loves me. my complaint is, he has a temper. he has never hit my kids or anything but he YELLS and he yells a lot. we switched to just me punishing the kids since i'm a lot calmer but i'm not always here and to be honest it kinda scares me. i know he would never hurt them but i hate the way he yells. he also dont like to give the kids a bath. i have to beg them to do it. any ideas on how to get him to calm down and maybe help out a little more. not just for the fun stuff.

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by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 12:46 PM
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Replies (1-7):
CrystalJanie
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 4:11 PM

My best friend is sort of in the same situation.  They aren't married and they don't have kids but they will get married eventually and eventually have children.  I told her to talk to him about going to see a therapist.  Which I know is scary because it'll probably piss him off!!  Even though he has never hit you or the children, his anger might get the best of him one day and you don't want things to get that bad.  Maybe there are some issues that he needs to get off his chest and talking to someone from the outside might help.  Anger is a terrible emotion to control but most people CAN control it.  I would seriously talk to him about going to get some help.  Best wishes to you and your family!   

Lilypie

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Brujah
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 4:33 PM

Well my hunny is very calm ( most of the time) and works everything out inside himself. when he gets real stressed out he even scares me.  I have sat down with him and had a talk. " I know that you are stressed cause of whatever reason but I can not be happy with a man that is not calm.  Learn to take a break before you go back to the situation.  When you yell at the children you really scare me and them which puts stress on all the relationships in the household. " 

I know it is real hard to be on your own but sometimes an angry person just starts at yelling.   I was abused as a child with verbal and physical abuse.  It all stays with the child all their lives.

Good luck 

atlmom2
by Susie on Jul. 28, 2009 at 4:34 PM

Words can be more damaging than hitting.  Has he considered counseling?  Family counseling even so the kids can speak their mind in a forum.

Petunia419
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 4:43 PM

Yes, I think the key is just stopping before the yelling starts  and getting away for a few minutes and breathing!  But I also agree with the pp maybe he needs to talk to someone, it wouldn't hurt and I am sure he feels terrible when it happens.  Maybe he needs to do something about his stress level too,  I can tell when my dh gets stressed he doesn't yell but he snaps at everyone and is irritable.  Anything can cause it, money tight? boss a jerk? whatever, it is hard being husband and dad sometimes and sometimes I forget that! 

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you do with it!
cawmom
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 4:44 PM

 My dh yells a lot and actually gave the kids a bath the other night for the first time EVER!  All you can do about the yelling is ask him to calm it down or do what I did and start yelling like he does, when he would.  After he sees it he'll calm down.

 

 

EdenJW1988
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 4:45 PM
I think you guys just need a good healthy talk. Ask him how he thinks his yelling affects the kids, how it affects you. But make it clear that this talk is only to help heal, not to get into more hurt. Ask him if he thinks that's the healthiest way to deal with his anger, and if that makes him happy. Say you don't want your children to deal with their anger in the same way. I hope this helps.
shabby.chic
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 4:56 PM

After one of my husbands fits, I asked him point blank-is that how you want your children to act when they grow up?

That was a few years ago. He still has his days, but I can tell he always considers now how his actions will be seen by his kids.

Helping out though...I 've learned to be happy with what he does do : )

God loves everyone, but probably prefers 'fruits of the spirit' over 'religious nuts'.
He who angers you controls you.
God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead.  So why should you?

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