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daycare director's dd biting the other kids(kinda long)

Posted by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 8:09 PM
  • 8 Replies

So the daycare that my 21 month old daughter goes to is in a church, and it is a good daycare. The director's daughter, who is not quite 2, is in my dd's class, and has been since she started almost a year ago. My dd has been bitten at least once a month, since she started. The 1st time I signed the little paper, they gave me hers by mistake, so I knew who bit her. The  biting stopped for a little bit before her dd was moved into the same classroom as mine again (Jade is a couple months older). So today, when I was picking her up, one of the other dads was coming in to pick up his son. As I was talking to the teacher, I heard him say, No! Push her down! I looked over as they were trying to get director's dd off of his son. The dad was pissed! He says, I know whose little one this is, and she is always biting my son! Jade (my dd)'s arm had just finally cleared up from a bite before the weekend. It leaves me wondering how often does she bite kids and is anything being done about it? Im sure if it were another child, disciplianary action would be involved! Anyone else been in this type of situation?

by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 8:09 PM
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Replies (1-8):
KairisMama
by Bronze Member on Aug. 12, 2009 at 8:27 PM

When I worked in daycare, my director's son was the biter. He had bitten quite a few kids. It got to the point where his classroom had THREE teachers. 2 for the room, and one to shadow him ALL DAY. They tried giving him teethers, ice cubes, etc. That kids just wanted to tackle and bite.  

 

spunky946
by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 10:07 PM

As a mother of a biter, I don't wish it on anyone.  No one ever has sympathy for the biter.  He started biting when he was about 2 because he did not have the words to say that he was frusterated or that someone took a toy from him.  They may be working with her and you just don't know it.  Now that being said he did bite much longer then he should have, and we did get him help, and now at the age of 5 he does not bite anymore.  I understand that you are upset that she is getting bit, but you don't really know what they are doing to stop it.  It is a perfectly normal behavior for that age.   

Mamamanic
by Member on Aug. 12, 2009 at 11:32 PM

My dd got bit a lot because she was small and an easy target. Daycares usually will suspend repeat offenders if they feel parents are doing nothing. I would look in the rule book for your center. My DC even told me that the biter was on a warning trial period for suspension. It is a hard thing to control, is time-out done at  the center? At home? The kid is 2.

Arianna
by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 11:58 PM

I was a daycare provider/preschool teacher for 8 years, and am also the mother of a former biter.

First, let me say that biting happens for many reasons.  Not all of them are out of aggression....in fact many of them are not because of aggression.

Biting can happen because of aggression, hunger teething, boredom, exploration of cause and effect, the person being bit is sometimes a serious instigator, lack of communication skills and inability to talk yet, some teachers are not watching the way they should, some centers are not staffed the way they should be, some rooms are set up in a way that is highly conducive to biting. 

Biting happens.  It is less dangerous most of the time than pushing...yet it gets the brunt of parents' anger, because it is so personal.

My son was in a different classroom than mine when he was little.  When he was a year old, another child bit him in the face.  From that day forward, my son...who has always been smaller started biting other children, and it took me until he was 3 to break him of it.  Parents were furious because he was a staff child...and I would leave in tears almost everyday.  It is horrible knowing your child is the biter, especially when you are a staff person, and especially when they are in a different class where you can not stop them yourself.

Now...the key to stopping biting is a process.  First, observations need to take place to find out why the child is biting.  It could be any number of reasons, and with so many children, a teacher may be missing the reason in the minutes preceding the bite.

Second, the main thing that stops biting is prevention before it ever gets to happen.  This involves the staff...more so than the child. 

Things to look for....

is the class room cramped?  is furniture set up in such a way that does not allow teachers to see the children?  Are there play areas too small for a lot of children, causing an invasion of space and retaliation bites?  Are teachers truly paying attention?  Are they staffed appropriately?  Is the child teething? Verbally efficient to say when they are angry or upset?  Is it one or two kids specifically, or is it multiple kids all throughout with no rhyme or reason?

These are all key elements to prevention.  That is why observation is so important.  What happens before the bite is important.  If a child is instigating the biter, and the biter bites..the biter gets in trouble while the instigator is coddled.  If this happens..the one getting bit, may actually instigate the child over and over because to do so gets them attention.  Vice versa...the biter may be bored and if he or she bites and sees that this causes a ruckus, he or she may continue to bite to liven the place up. 

In really little kids and babies, they use their mouths to explore their world.  They taste  everything.  If they are teething, biting on something can make the teeth feel better.  Some kids who bite do so because they are learning cause and effect.  "I bite susie, the teachers run over and make a camotion, and I get attention."...ok, I get it now, thinks the child.  If a new baby is in the house, they can take out their frustrations on their classmates...same with if they have a death, divorce, new step parent,, military family, moving a lot, etc.

As a parent you need to be aware of why children bite, and understand that it is not always because they are bad.  Children in those younger years bite...it is what they do, even if it is only once.  Just because it is the director's child does not say anything to me, because having been in the same type of situation, I can tell you that it is VERY upsetting to have a child that bites while you are a staff person.

Education all the way around...for both the parents of the biter and the parents of the bitees is important, so that everyone understands why something is happening and what is being done to help the situation, such as redesigning classrooms to make sure there are no invasions of space, having more staff on hand...watching for problem times, like circle time, nap time, and lunch time.  If teachers can determine when the biting is occuring and the circumstances surrounding it, a lot of times they can prevent it from happening as frequently.  (However, biting WILL happen because kids are QUICK!)

Most children out grow any form of biting when they can effectively communicate, and usually by the age of 4.  After 4, a lot of times, that shows something else going on, like autism or ODD.

Try reaching out to the director...and try not to take the biting personally.  These children have just not learned the skills needed yet to function as well as others.  They do not set out in the morning with the idea that they will bite your kid, and nine times out of ten, there is an underlying reason found somewhere in the above list I gave you.

Good Luck,

Arianna


Mommy, Wife, Homeschooler, Director of Religious Education, and Earth Religions Practitioner.


pdbfly
by on Aug. 13, 2009 at 11:12 AM

if you have quetions about what your daycare does for biting ect a good daycare will answer at a time where they can of course my son too was bitten a few times at our daycare and it is unfortunate that is was the age and though they werent allowed to release the bitters name which is understandable they did tell me what they did and of course they would tell what they did for my son on the form and since my son was always vocal i coached him to if bitten say stop as loud as he could to get the teachers attention. Of course now that he is out of that room we havent had the issues and hes back to i have to drag him from his friends.

tyfry7496
by on Aug. 13, 2009 at 11:19 AM

As a child care worker and parent, biting at that age is very normal. Kids at that age cannot verbalize their feelings and biting is usually out of frustration or anger.  It is also possible that the child is teething and the pressure from biting feels good on her sore gums. That doesn't make it ok that this child keeps biting the same kids. There needs to be another teacher in the room to shadow the biter. It takes a LOT of biting incidents for a center to kick a child out for it, especially with a toddler. My son was a victim of a biter, I didn't freak out, it happens and I learned to deal with it. Well. my son did. He finally got sick of the biter and bit him back. I was there when the dad picked up his son and I told him I was sorry that my son bit his and he laughed and said, "Good, now maybe he will stop biting everyone else." It actually worked, or the boy got out of the biting stage. If you have a problem with the child,  go to the director/parent and talk to her CALMLY and respectfully. 

clara742
by on Aug. 13, 2009 at 11:33 AM

I work in daycare when a bites another child I check to see if the skin is broken I call the biter parent and the othe parent. I explain to the child that they are not animals and animals bite,I give a timeout and write a report.Talk director about herchild biting.

iamcafemom83
by Bronze Member on Aug. 13, 2009 at 4:40 PM


Quoting spunky946:

As a mother of a biter, I don't wish it on anyone.  No one ever has sympathy for the biter.  He started biting when he was about 2 because he did not have the words to say that he was frusterated or that someone took a toy from him.  They may be working with her and you just don't know it.  Now that being said he did bite much longer then he should have, and we did get him help, and now at the age of 5 he does not bite anymore.  I understand that you are upset that she is getting bit, but you don't really know what they are doing to stop it.  It is a perfectly normal behavior for that age.   

Right, totally understandable for this age. Know it's part of daycare, etc. I can only imagine what this is like to deal with, if my dd was the biter. I hope they are working with her since the bites themselves are getting worse. before they were just red, but now she gets bruises for a couple of days. I guess its something that i will have to watch out for.

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