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Possible cheating husband? How do I catch him in the act? Kind of long, sorry

Posted by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 4:02 PM
  • 46 Replies

My DH and I have been having issues the last few months. We actually had not been getting along for several years but in recent months I thought things between us were getting better. Then at the beginning of July he dropped a bombshell on me saying he thought our relationship had lost it's spark and that we should sepperate. We have ended up not sepperating, although that may be in the near future. But instead decided we would try and work on our relationship. It's been almost 2 months since this all began and we still go back and forth fighting, not fighting, trying and not trying. It's been quite a struggle.

I've been able to find out that he's been keeping some things from me. Like he joined He actually came out and told me this and that he was just curious and closed the account. I found out, without him knowing, that he also joined eHarmony. I asked if he had joined anything else besides AdultFriendFinder and he told me no, so he is obviously lying.

Also, before this all started in July he had started talking a lot about his receptionist, Rachael. In the past it was no big deal. He mentioned her every now & then along with other coworkers. When she started he even asked me to befriend her. So I did. I invited her to join our playgroup which she did but never showed up to anything. Well when he started talking about her a lot more it was always with a goofy grin on his face and a sparkle in his eye. I'm sure he has a crush on her, she is MUCH more actactive than I am, after all. I didn't really think much about it, I thought I could still trust him before July. I teased him about it and he got defensive but I never meant anything by it, just teasing. Well, now he still talks about her non-stop. The other day he even skipped out on a meeting and took her out to lunch for 2 hours. Then there is a Beach Boys concert coming up that he wanted to take our kids to. He had decided not to a few weeks ago. But then the night after he had taken Rachael to lunch, he suddenly asked if he minded if he took them after all. I said yes and asked if I could go to. He reluctantly said yes. Then the next day he tried over and over to talk me out of going with him and the kids. I asked if anyone else he knew was going and he said, yes, Rachael is going. I'm thinking he just found out she was going the day he changed his mind. I told him today I want to go to the concert, I want to enjoy it with our kids. He said well, we'll see if we have enough money & if it's going to rain.

I brought up these facts about Rachael and asked if I have anything to worry about. He claims it's all in my head and I'm only coming up with this stuff like this because I'm the one with a wondering eye and wanting more from a relationship. This is not true! I want to fix my marriage! I would never look for another guy if I didn't.

At this point, it seems to me he is either having an affair with Rachael or really wants to. I don't know what to do from here. I obviously can't trust him. If he's wanting someone else or already has someone else I really don't think trying to fix our marriage is worth the effort.


by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 4:02 PM
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by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 4:17 PM

trust your gut..It's not coincidence (IMO) that he didn't want to go and then changed his mind when he found out she was going. Good luck and I hope everything works out the best for everyone involved...

Is there a way you could get the money for a ticket without him knowing and just kinda watch from the sidelines to see what happens? 








by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 4:21 PM

i would leave him and move on with your life. you don't join them kind of websites, if you aren't looking to cheat. good luck.

by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 4:22 PM

um opening up an eharmoney accounts?? I'm sorry sweetheart but that's CRAZY!!! If my dh did that I don't even know what I would do....but one thing for sure is he would be out of the house!! I'm truly sorry you're going through all of this.

by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 4:23 PM

if it were me i would follow him without his knowledge. if you really want to catch him in the act then i dont see any other way. to me it sounds like there is definitley something going on with him and that rachael girl and that is not right. if you strongly feel he is cheating then he probably is. i am so sorry you have to go through this. good luck!

pregnancy due date
by Ruby Member on Aug. 28, 2009 at 4:34 PM

Trust your gut. Visit a divorce attorney to see what you'd have in front of you if something happened. Then if the moment presents itself, tell him you visited an attorney, so it would really only take a phone call if he was interested.............

The same point can be had without arguing and raising voices. All that does is create alot of internal angst for you and your children. 

by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 4:40 PM

Reading your post made me want to puke. He's a scumbag and you should kick him to the curb.

First of all, his joining eharmony is attempt to commit adultery and signifies that he's done with your marriage.

Second of all, who the f*ck wants to take there kids to a concert without their wife....and with another woman in toe.

Sorry doll, but all the signs point to a scumbag and you and your children deserve better then that. If you both decided in july that you weren't going to seperate then why would he have an eharmony account.

Perhaps you should surprise him at his office one day and see how she acts around you. In my opinion a wife with a cheating husband can detect the other woman's involvement by her body language.

by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 4:43 PM

The said that us women have  six sense for things like this and if you are having them if for a reason trust it. Not to make things worse for you, but before I met my DH I had this BF, for the longest time he was planning his b-day party and even invited me and my friend to come.. The week before the party he told me that it would be best if I didn't go to party because there was going to be a lot of drinking and BS, BS, BS and more BS.. I told ok I wont go, but the day of his party my friend and I got all made up and showed up at the party anyways.. He was having all these girls hanging all over him.. We stayed for a short time and left .. A couple of days later I go to his house, hisroom door is locked, I knocked on the door, I get no answer, so I open the door and there he is laying watching TV with one of the girls from the party.

I wish I can give you some advise, the only thing I can say is to trust your insticts.


Lilypie Baby Ticker

by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 4:48 PM

First of all this is just a sucky situation for any person to go through and I feel for you. In my own opinion from reading this, he wants out, but I think he's afraid of whats going to happen (being alone, child support ect.) I think he wants to keep you around, but have someone secret relationship with someone else.

I agree with the other replys. But I would not follow him around and spy, I think that would make him more angry than anything. If anything, confront him, tell him how you feel and just put the divorce word in there. Ive been there, fighting and being angry gets you nowhere. I really really hope that you find a solution to this the way that you want to do it. Woman to woman, Im sorry that you have to go through this.

by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 4:55 PM


He’s looking to get into one situation before he leaves another….what a douche bag….you do not need this…and there would be no way in Hell my husband—who if he did this would soon-to-be my ex---would bring our kids around the woman he was trying to get with while still married to me….NO WAY…..HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR YOURSELF….and never mind the “she’s prettier than me” song and dance…it doesn’t matter if she was as ugly as sin….THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THIS BEHAVIOR YOU ARE LETTING HIM GET AWAY WITH….Either he cuts the bullshit and passing off blame and sits down with you and is honest about his feelings or you just take the kids and GO…..that may prompt him to see you are serious about this “casual” relationship he has with this woman…..make him see you want to save this marriage---sometimes you have to walk away…..sometimes you have to do something drastic…..if you don’t walk away, then maybe you just need to sit down with him and figure out why you two got married in the first place…why you love each other…why you should stay together…what will keep you together(NOT THE KIDS)….and go to counseling or something that will help the two of you solve whatever is wrong….My God….you are the second mom today I have encountered being made a fool of by her husband….PLEASE HELP YOURSELF……

by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 5:15 PM

You need to relax. You DO NOT WANT TO CATCH HIM IN THE ACT! Especially if you want to save the relationship. What you want is to reach into his wallet; set you some money aside for a rainy day and then get a makeover on his dime. Get your hair and nails done. Hit up the spa. Join a gym and get you a new red dress. Once he notices the changes he will pay you more attention. At which point you will up the anti by cooking his fav foods, keeping the house clean and requesting an allowance. Give it six months and trust me his little affair will be over. DO NOT mention his indescretion. DO NOT bring the kids into it. Follow this plan and his mistress will be coming to YOU for ideas! Fight fire with oxygen and add fuel to the flame of your love!

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