My husband just started driving like 3 months ago. We have a 5 yr old son and 4 yr old daughter (they are from my previous marriage and are gone every other weekend) and a baby due in September. When my older two are at my ex husband's it gets really bad... I wouldn't say I am depressed, but my husband can definitely tell that I am stressed out when he is not here. I have maybe 3 friends that talk to me on a pretty much daily basis, but I never get to see anyone. I might as well be secluded with the children. I had a complete break down on Monday before he went back out on the road again (he was gone for 4 weeks last time out). I told him that I am not as strong as I thought I was and that I can't handle this! I really feel as though I can't! And when he is home he tries to fit in seeing everyone! (even those he didn't hardly ever see before he started driving, he spent a whole day at one of his friends' when he was home the month before and I mean didn't get home til like 2am) He hardly pays attention to me, but gives the kids a ton of attention. And I am not saying I don't want him to, but I would like to have some of his attention other than when he wants "some". I don't know what to do! I am so lost! I really don't know if I can handle this! He seems to spend more time on the phone with his family than he does me even! I am so stressed out! We have nothing for the baby thats on the way (will be here mid September), I gotta get my kids registered for school and try and come up with the money to get them what they need on top of getting everything for the baby, we have a puppy that just doesn't seem to wanna be house trained, a cat, fish, the bills and so much more that I am having to deal with here alone. Does it get any easier?! Please.... Some one help me out?! I don't think I can handle this!!!!
Sincerely,
desperate mommy having a total meltdown
it does get easier with time, but even i have my melt downs at times after almost 7 years. as far as the animals, maybe try limiting them to a few less responsibilities (just a dog). As far as the kids clothes and school supplies go try babysitting or in my case i clean homes i have 4 that i clean everyother week and 4 that i clean once a month and make close to 1200.00/mo doing this. everything helps when it comes to bills and necessities. Are you married? try sitting down with him when he is home and telling him how you feel even then some guys don't get it, i have wrote mine letters before sent them with him in his bag of clothes this way he reads them in his truck by himself with no interruptions 95% of the time that helps us out. invite me as a friend if you would like we can exchange emails or something. keep your chin up i know it is easier said than done.
Mary Kay mom it wil get easier. I am still over whelmed at times and my hubby been at it 1 1/2yrs. if you want to chat i willing to listen.
sparkyco I have a question for you. how much per hour do you charge to clean houses? how did you go about starting cleaning? I am thinking about this as a way to help bring in money.
For starters (just my opinion) I would put the dog and cat outside. With 2 kids and a baby on the way, the last thing you need to worry about is papertraining a puppy. Far as getting the kids ready for school, will any of the clothes from last year fit, or in good shape? I would buy the kids maybe a few pairs of jeans, socks,undies, shoes, & week worth of shirts to just get started. Work the clothes they still have in good shape into the mix. The way the kids play it wont matter too much- they will still tear holes in the knees of their jeans! You can always pick up a few new shirts at a time when you are out shopping. I would check the outlet stores in your area, they often have discounted name brand clothes for give away prices. As far as fall school clothes & baby items maybe you can check with Kmart and put those items on layaway. You get 8weeks to pay, and its only $5 to open it up..and 10%down. Craigslist is a great place to find used baby/kid stuff just make sure you send your DH to go get it- too many weirdos out there these days.
Far as attention from your DH, Im not sure if I can help there. My DH is close to his family, but does put the kids and I first. Far as friends, he will tell anyone that when he is home..he is home. I think you just need to tell your DH that you really need some one on one time- he should understand that. Being pregnant and married to a truck driver is hard on the emotions..mix that with hormones..watch out! :) *hugs* goodluck!
I think it depends on you and your situation. My husband is my best friend, so when he is away I lose both. When he is home he understands the importance of spending time with his family. He spends as much time with me and my daughter as he can. We even try to spend a day for just the two of us but after 2 years its no easier. Every time he leaves I fall apart. He has a lease that ends in a few months and he said that he will stop driving.
My husband was not a truck driver when we met. It took the job as a last resort in this bad economy. The emotional drain on all of us is just too much. There is no trust issues or anything like that. It is a simple need to be together (on both of our parts).
If you want to follow what my family has been through, I just started a blog that will be a biweekly story of what its been like for us.
Well I feel your pain. I have been a truckers wife for about 7 yrs now, He promised it would only be two years that he would drive, now its been 7. They get it in their blood and the income coming in is nice. But you miss the other half of you when they arent around. I tease and say that Im a single married woman, but it hurts. You go to bed alone, wake up alone, and you wonder whats going on with them. Take my advice and either find a part time job or something to do. Sitting there with just him being gone on your mind will eat you alive. Belive me, I have to make myself get out and go to the part with my boy, and we go for drives with the camera, and picnics. You cant just sit and let it get to you. When he does come home, have a set date night that you too either go out, or cook him a home cooked meal and get a sitter. YOu two have to reconnect. And the rule is, on that night his phone is off limits. No calls!! Thats the only way we have made it. Its never going to get easier, you just learn to adapt to the lifestyle. You learn to go to things at school, and it hurts to not having him there with you but you learn to deal. The hardest thing I have had to do was doing the boyscout thing with my grandson that lives with me, and having all the rest of the dads looking at you like your there to pick them up or something. It was terible, but its for him so I held my head high and we built the derby car, and birdhouse, and whatever else they had going. Down to going camping and me daring a dad to say "here let me put that tent up for you"... RIGHT! I dont think so. lol Hang in there you will get the hang of it. We have all been in your shoes.
I
have been at home for 21yrs. My DH even missed the birth of our twins.
He has been driving for 25yrs. At first it was hard. I had 4 young kids
at home & when he got home from work he wouldn't even pay attention
to the kids let alone me. He said he worked all week why does he need to
come home & take care of the kids too. I wasn't trying to make him
take care of them, just spend time with them & me. As time went on I
guess the shock of him being on the road wore off & it got better.
Now he is gone weekly & still doesn't spend alot of time with me
& the kids.I do enjoy the time I have to myself though as I have become accustomed to it. I have added a work at home business to my day to keep me busy & to hopefully bring DH home for good. So yes it does get easier. GL
How not to worry
- marykaymom86
on Jul. 8, 2010 at 10:25 PM