I'm not necessarily looking for input here...but feel free to add your two cents if you have any. I'm really just needing to put my thoughts down. its less jumbled this way. Just feeling a little trapped. Mom and dad have previously been helping with the cost for the horse. I knew they werent going to help forever, and I understand, but they've told me that it stops now, so i have three weeks to figure out how to cut costs, or come up with the money to keep him where he is, and afford the extra feed to put weight back on him because he has lost so much weight with the managers crap hay. adding it up, its going to cost around $480 a month to keep him where he is. I havent found anywhere cheaper, and while we may technically be able to afford it, it puts us right up close to what our take home income is. I feel selfish spending that much per month on my hobby. The kids are getting older and I know they will want to be doing their own activities here in the near future, and we will need to have the money to pay for it. its not fair for them to miss out on opportunities so that i can have my hobby.
So now i am left with trying to figure out how to cut costs, but its not really possible. with horses you really do get what you pay for. if i go with a cheaper farrier, i end up with expensive vet bills to repair damage done after a bad shoeing. if i ditch the dentist and vet, and go for the back yard vet who does a float, he ends up with ulcers and a wave from an inaccuarate job with the teeth. which means he wont move right, which leads to needing a visit from a chiro, and wasted food because he cant chew properly. i cant ditch his grain, because then his feet fall apart from an imbalanced diet, and i cant not supplement his food because he just keeps losing weight. and where else do you cut costs? i shop for groceries on a budget, use coupons when i can. i combine trips and have cut my gas use to $70 bi weekly, except for when DH comes home. I've turned the thermostat down to 65/62, switched all bulbs to cfl and only turn lights on after its too dark to see without them. i wash almost everything in cold water and try my hardest to take short showers.
I've looked for a job, but tbh, its just a big freaking pain in the ass. My jobs arent taken seriously. idk why, but people think that they can just call me at work and ask if i can get off early. or decide that they cant watch the kids right before i have to work. that would be if i could even find a job that would give me the kind of schedule i need. lol, right. monday, wednesday and friday ds has pre school, so i have to be available to drop off and pick up. other days are fine, but dh would want me to take the days he has home off, and since we dont usually know until a week or so before when he may likely be home, i cant plan in advance for that. and then he would get pissy at me because i have to work. i could tell him to just suck it up, but then, is it even worth it to work? after paying $700-1000 for childcare, what am i going to be bringing home at 9-10 f an hour. Not enough to make my time away from the kids worth it. not to me anyway. probably not even enough to bridge the gap and make me comfortable with how our finances sit.
but then, maybe i'm just being immature here. isnt being an adult about sometimes having to do what you dont want in order to achieve what you do want? am i just making exuses so that i can keep being a sahm?
I think maybe its time to suck it up and find a lease or someone to buy him. i just cant, at this time, see a way to make it work without making life hard for the rest of the family.
sorry for the novel ladies....im going to go write some more. night