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Home Decor and So Much More! Home Decor and So Much More!

Just curious...does anyone else get pushback from your kids about redecorating?

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:46 PM
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My SD(11) dislikes change.  At first DH and I thought it was because her Mother left DH and the kids when SD was 5.  About a year later, the kids Mom came back and took about half of the household furniture, lamps, wall decor and other belongings.  When I came into the picture the interior of the house was sparsely furnished and in desperate need of a fresh coat of paint.  DH isn't much of a decorator so he didn't change much of the decor after his ex took her stuff.  When I moved in about a year later, I brought some of my furniture into the house and DH and I agreed some new things needed to be purchased(ie a dining room set, kitchen table, area rugs, etc).  I cleared everything thru DH (after all it was 'his' house until we got married).  Rooms were painted to match the new furnishings and every time we made a change SD would get angry and give us both serious attitude about any changes.  We tried to go slowly and make the changes/updates gradually so it wouldn't be as difficult but that didn't work.  Eventually she told us that it isn't so much that she hates changes, but she wants to be included in the decision making.  We were about 3/4 of the way through our powder room renovation and I had put several paint chips on the bathroom wall to help with the decision making (they were all in the grayish blue family)  SD came back to us and told us she hated all of the colors I put up.  DH made the mistake of asking her what color she liked and she said lime green.  DH told her that he appreciated her input but there were reasons we picked those shades of blue grey so they would compliment the hallway color and because we wanted to give the space a spa like feel (not that an 11 year old cares anything about  decorating practices).  Anyway, DH told her that since this project was already started we would just be finishing it the way we had planned, but next time she would be consulted earlier on.  I was pissed.  SD doesnt even like picking out her own clothes.  If we have to get her input on decorating decisions We'll never get anything done.  Do any of you have to clear your decorating ideas through your kids?  I don't think this is a blended family issue but I'd just like to know if non blended families have to deal with push back from their kids about decorating decisions.  Thanks!

by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
sweetleanne
by Silver Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 10:46 PM

Kids are all different. My first loves to do anything that is pretty, and is easy going . The second one, forget it, if it's not all pink, it's not going to work. I guess it's about transitions over all. Good luck!

psych_mom
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:12 PM

My daughter likes hearing about my ideas, but that is all. I wouldn't be mad that he told her that you guys would include her- maybe she just feels left out and he gets that. If I were doing a project in my house and my kids wanted to give input I would listen and take it to heart and if I didn't like it, I would explain why it wouldn't work and see if we couldn't find a compromise some where.

QuiltLover
by Bronze Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 8:17 AM

I can understand her sensitive feelings about the house and all, but  the decision about decorating would be mine..if she wanted to change HER room, then she could have a say, but the rest of the house is mine and it would be explained to her how it works. When you married her father, the house became yours also...just like his daughter....this is how it would work here...hope things calm down because now he has an unhappy daughter and wife.

not-the-momma
by Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 11:19 AM

I'm not so much angry that he said he would include her, but her tastes ( although still developing) are so unlike DH's and mine that I foresee conflict every step of the way.  I suggested to DH that he tell her that she can have a say in how her room and even some input on how her bathroom is decorated/painted, but as for the rest of the house, he and I should be able to do what we want.  The other day I purchased two new runners for the downstairs hallway.  There was an old, matted, stained, disgusting floor mat down before and it needed to be replaced.  I spoke to DH about it and of course he had no problem, but when SD came home from school and saw it, she immediately got an attitude and said real snotty to me ( teeth clenched) "we got a new rug?"  I said, " yes, the other one needed to be thrown out".  She stormed out of the room and later told her Dad that she didn't think the old one needed to be replaced and that she doesn't like the new one.  DH told her it did need to be replaced and that he's sorry she doesn't like the new one, but she'll get used to it.  I don't mind listening to her input but how do you explain that her ideas won't work because your tastes are different.  My feeling is, she can have input on her room and bathroom, but she should be told that when she gets her own home, one she is responsible for maintaining and paying for, she can decorate it any way she likes.  Is that so unreasonable?

Quoting psych_mom:

My daughter likes hearing about my ideas, but that is all. I wouldn't be mad that he told her that you guys would include her- maybe she just feels left out and he gets that. If I were doing a project in my house and my kids wanted to give input I would listen and take it to heart and if I didn't like it, I would explain why it wouldn't work and see if we couldn't find a compromise some where.


psych_mom
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 11:31 AM

Some kids do not deal with change easily and you are changing a lot of things about her life. She may feel that you are trying to replace everything in the house and in doing so pushing her out as well. Although you may not have the same taste as her, tell her that you do not think that you will agree with her ideas but you are still open to hearing them and that you are listening to them even if you don't use them. She may become more open to what you are doing if you listen to what she has to say.

Quoting not-the-momma:

I'm not so much angry that he said he would include her, but her tastes ( although still developing) are so unlike DH's and mine that I foresee conflict every step of the way.  I suggested to DH that he tell her that she can have a say in how her room and even some input on how her bathroom is decorated/painted, but as for the rest of the house, he and I should be able to do what we want.  The other day I purchased two new runners for the downstairs hallway.  There was an old, matted, stained, disgusting floor mat down before and it needed to be replaced.  I spoke to DH about it and of course he had no problem, but when SD came home from school and saw it, she immediately got an attitude and said real snotty to me ( teeth clenched) "we got a new rug?"  I said, " yes, the other one needed to be thrown out".  She stormed out of the room and later told her Dad that she didn't think the old one needed to be replaced and that she doesn't like the new one.  DH told her it did need to be replaced and that he's sorry she doesn't like the new one, but she'll get used to it.  I don't mind listening to her input but how do you explain that her ideas won't work because your tastes are different.  My feeling is, she can have input on her room and bathroom, but she should be told that when she gets her own home, one she is responsible for maintaining and paying for, she can decorate it any way she likes.  Is that so unreasonable?

Quoting psych_mom:

My daughter likes hearing about my ideas, but that is all. I wouldn't be mad that he told her that you guys would include her- maybe she just feels left out and he gets that. If I were doing a project in my house and my kids wanted to give input I would listen and take it to heart and if I didn't like it, I would explain why it wouldn't work and see if we couldn't find a compromise some where.




not-the-momma
by Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 2:38 PM

I get that, but listening doesn't seem to be enough with her.  For example, when DH told her why we weren't going to paint the powder room lime green she basically said, I won't be happy with of the color options you've given me and The only way I will be happy is if I get to decide the color.  

Quoting psych_mom:

Some kids do not deal with change easily and you are changing a lot of things about her life. She may feel that you are trying to replace everything in the house and in doing so pushing her out as well. Although you may not have the same taste as her, tell her that you do not think that you will agree with her ideas but you are still open to hearing them and that you are listening to them even if you don't use them. She may become more open to what you are doing if you listen to what she has to say.

Quoting not-the-momma:

I'm not so much angry that he said he would include her, but her tastes ( although still developing) are so unlike DH's and mine that I foresee conflict every step of the way.  I suggested to DH that he tell her that she can have a say in how her room and even some input on how her bathroom is decorated/painted, but as for the rest of the house, he and I should be able to do what we want.  The other day I purchased two new runners for the downstairs hallway.  There was an old, matted, stained, disgusting floor mat down before and it needed to be replaced.  I spoke to DH about it and of course he had no problem, but when SD came home from school and saw it, she immediately got an attitude and said real snotty to me ( teeth clenched) "we got a new rug?"  I said, " yes, the other one needed to be thrown out".  She stormed out of the room and later told her Dad that she didn't think the old one needed to be replaced and that she doesn't like the new one.  DH told her it did need to be replaced and that he's sorry she doesn't like the new one, but she'll get used to it.  I don't mind listening to her input but how do you explain that her ideas won't work because your tastes are different.  My feeling is, she can have input on her room and bathroom, but she should be told that when she gets her own home, one she is responsible for maintaining and paying for, she can decorate it any way she likes.  Is that so unreasonable?

Quoting psych_mom:

My daughter likes hearing about my ideas, but that is all. I wouldn't be mad that he told her that you guys would include her- maybe she just feels left out and he gets that. If I were doing a project in my house and my kids wanted to give input I would listen and take it to heart and if I didn't like it, I would explain why it wouldn't work and see if we couldn't find a compromise some where.




blondepegasus
by Bronze Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 12:45 AM
I have a similar situation in that BM left DH and my SD's and took about half the furnishings, leaving their house sparsely furnished. They were 6 and 7 at the time. After several months of dating and once we figured out we would be together forever, they actually moved into my house. Theirs was bigger but on 3 levels and I have a bad knee. Plus I couldn't see myself being comfortable living in BM's house.



Anyway, they didn't seem to care at all about the decor. I had just bought my house and didn't really start decorating it until they moved in. We brought their bedroom sets and got rid of most of the other furniture from their house. Quite honestly, it was all hand me downs and in poor shape, whereas I already had nice furniture from my previous house. They weren't consulted about getting rid of the pieces but didn't seem to mind.



I helped them paint their bedrooms the color of their choosing and let them pick themes, new bedding, accessories, etc.



As for the rest of the house, DH and I made all decisions without their input and still do to this day (sd's are now 16 and 17). They never showed any interest in helping with the decisions.



Honestly, it sounds like a control issue. I don't think it's usual for a kid that young to really care about the decor throughout the house. It sounds like a challenging behavior. Then again, I could be wrong and you might be raising the next Martha Stewart...lol
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BeachMommy07
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 5:34 PM

My son welcomes change and he likes to help me in decisions in regards to furniture and arrangement in the home.

Reankanesmom
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 12:03 AM

My son loves to help and loves that I change their rooms almost yearly. May be little changes but I do it. My daughter on the other hand gets so upset. She will be 9 in September and she has dolls and stuff on her shelves and they match her curtains but not her bedding(hot pink and black with grey and white) everything else is purple and turquoise. I told her that I was going to add black to her curtians or some hot pink and repaint the shelves and we were going to pack up some of her dolls and start putting out her big girl stuff. She threw the biggest fit ever!!

not-the-momma
by Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 3:27 PM

I've pretty much avoided doing anything to their rooms except once last year. SD and I were in Target and were walking thru the bedding dept and I noticed some really cute sheets that matched her room colors.  She desperately needed new sheets (she had threadbare Disney Princess sheets and threadbare Carebear sheets).  I asked her if she liked them and she said yes so I took a chance and we went down another aisle where they has a fuzzy rug and lava lamp to match.  I asked her I'd she wanted those and she got really excited.  By the end of the shopping trip she had new sheets comforter, rug, and lava lamp.  We made her bed up wi all the new stuff and she seemed to like it.  That was really the only time I attempted to do anything to her room.  

Quoting Reankanesmom:

My son loves to help and loves that I change their rooms almost yearly. May be little changes but I do it. My daughter on the other hand gets so upset. She will be 9 in September and she has dolls and stuff on her shelves and they match her curtains but not her bedding(hot pink and black with grey and white) everything else is purple and turquoise. I told her that I was going to add black to her curtians or some hot pink and repaint the shelves and we were going to pack up some of her dolls and start putting out her big girl stuff. She threw the biggest fit ever!!


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