Hello,
A co-worker of mine just lost her 6 year old son Saturday, he went swimming with some other kids while she was at work at a nearby creek where he drowned. I don't know her very well, but as a mother, my heart aches for her; no one should ever have to bury their child for any reason.
I've been fortunate enough not to have suffered many losses of close family and friends, so I'm not very good at comforting someone when they're grieving, what can I do to show her support? I wasn't able to attend the viewing, but they had a fund raiser for her family at work yesterday to help pay for funeral expenses; it was very successful.
Thank you.
We lost our daughter at 17 weeks, and even though I know this person meant well, the worse thing I heard was that it was meant to happen this way. The most important thing you can do is be there for her. Most of the time we just need a hug or an ear to listen. Take her family meals they can put in the freezer, like casseroles, so she does not have to worry about cooking for a while. But someone would be surprised at how much a hug or a kind smile can help.... Good luck, and if you feel comfortable, try suggesting a support group. Because without my support group I would not be as well as I am today.
Honestly, there is nothing you can say or do! If you don't know her very well I would just say I am so sorry for your loss and I can't imagine what you are going through. Other than that there isn't much you can do. If you were closer with her then maybe there would be more to say. I know when I lost my son I didn't want ppl that I didn't know very well giving me advice and asking how i'm feeling. Everyone's different though....
Just say you're sorry. Don't be afraid to bring up her son, she will appreciate you remembering him, at least I did. God bless!
Quoting kittypurr:Just say you're sorry. Don't be afraid to bring up her son, she will appreciate you remembering him, at least I did. God bless!
Hugs mama! You know your little one is looking down and smiling at you right now.
I prefer "that sucks" as I grieve. No one can get what you are going through as everyone's loss is different. When my coworker saw me after we lost our little boy at twenty two weeks. she just said, "that sucks." I completely agreed and felt that she got it a little better anyway.
My advice...be there. Listen. Follow her lead. Dont be afraid to say her son's name. Share stories about your experiences with her son. Any happy memories you have of him. Above all don't avoid her, don't be afraid to say her son's name. He existed and she needs to know he was loved and he is remembered. She will cry. Understand those tears are not your fault. Sometimes the tears are of sadness and sometimes of pain and sometimes just that someone was thoughtful enough to share with her about her son. Offer to help her if you can in anyway and really mean it. And never ever tell her aren't you over this yet? Or I think you should try to move on it has been XXX weeks, months, years....whatever time its been (this is what I have heard not that anyone would say that it just from my own experienves losing my son). And don't compare losing a friend, aunt, uncle, parent....anyone to losing a child. It just is not the same. Ive lost countless loved ones even three of my nieces and nephews all under 5 and I thought it was the worst Id ever feel. But losing my son was soooo much harder. Understand she is going to go through the stages of grief many times. Somedays she will seem ok and somedays will be bad. That is normal. Nothing in life ever prepares you for losing a child. You expect at some point you may have to deal with the death of your elderly relatives (parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents), possibly friends or your spouse but you do not think about the possibility of losing a child and I can assure anything anyone can possibly imagine it will feel like is not even close to what it really is. Just be thankful if youve never experienced it, be there for your friend and hug your kids a little tighter and longer tonight and tell them you love them every chance you get.
How much....
- Queen_Sheila
on Jun. 22, 2012 at 5:07 PM