how do you deal with the guilt?

[ffpmmom]

I feel like crap, and I've almost contemplated taking a "more normal" job because of it.  Let me explain:

my son Jacob is going to be 8 soon.  I've been a firefighter/paramedic for baltimore city for almost 5 years now.  Jake knows the routine, he knows my schedule most days better then I do.  I'm a single mom and he is the "man of the house". 

Jake is a smart kid.  He knows when something is wrong.  He knows when i've had a bad day.  He knows just by how i greet him when i get home if i had a "bad call".  Obviously seeing as he is only 8, i can't go into detail, but he knows.  He'll just hug me and smile, which is the best thing ever. 

I miss birthdays, holidays, family get togethers.  He knows why i do.  He doesn't get mad.  He understands as best as an 8yo can.  But, I feel like he deserves a more "normal" life. 

I feel like as his mom, I should be there.  i'm very close with my parents, and he spends my nightworks with them and mornings before school when i'm on day work.  But i feel, not only am i missing out, but he is too.  I'm not the mom that can commit to helping in the classroom one day a week, or going to field trips, or just showing up to help out with other events. I'm not like the other moms, and he even mentions how unlike them I am.

How do you deal? How do you cope with the guilt? Part of me feels this guilt, and then part of me feels like i shouldn't be guilty at all.  I'm providing him with all he needs in life to suceed.  Love, happiness, a good home.  I'm just not in it all the time.

[ffmedicmom]

The guilt will come and go.  I've been doing this for 15yrs as a FF/PM - 11 as a career.  My son is 22 and my daughter is 15.  They love what I do, they are scared for what I do.  They are proud of me and that's what counts. 

Try to fit in the school things on your days off.   I know - it sucks to come home from a 24 that you didnt sleep at all and have to be "Mom"..but you'll do it cause that's what you do.  Your son will understand.  Set up yourself to be a "show and tell" at school - I did that when my daughter was in Elementary School and those kids still remember me now that she's in High School.  Bring your gear - let them try on your jacket, etc.  Trust me on this one. 

Cuddle, hug, kiss and spend as much time as you can with your son.  And be proud of yourself and what you do.   I've have good, bad and ugly days....and am facing another injury - and hoping its not career ending. 

Continue the career you love as long as your body (and mind) allows you to.  Trust me - your son will ALWAYS love you and be proud of you. 

Especially since we're "moms"...lol....we're not the norm in the FD.  

[beaugrl0824]

I've begun to feel the same way so your not alone.
Medic-thank you for your words they make a lot of sense and will definately be something to reflect on during the long overnights

Quoting ffmedicmom:

The guilt will come and go.  I've been doing this for 15yrs as a FF/PM - 11 as a career.  My son is 22 and my daughter is 15.  They love what I do, they are scared for what I do.  They are proud of me and that's what counts. 

Try to fit in the school things on your days off.   I know - it sucks to come home from a 24 that you didnt sleep at all and have to be "Mom"..but you'll do it cause that's what you do.  Your son will understand.  Set up yourself to be a "show and tell" at school - I did that when my daughter was in Elementary School and those kids still remember me now that she's in High School.  Bring your gear - let them try on your jacket, etc.  Trust me on this one. 

Cuddle, hug, kiss and spend as much time as you can with your son.  And be proud of yourself and what you do.   I've have good, bad and ugly days....and am facing another injury - and hoping its not career ending. 

Continue the career you love as long as your body (and mind) allows you to.  Trust me - your son will ALWAYS love you and be proud of you. 

Especially since we're "moms"...lol....we're not the norm in the FD.  

[BusyB4thm]

 there is no reason at all to feel guilty.. i work a 4 and 4 sched as well (i know thats what you work as my best friend is a ff there)... i know the feeling of missing things.. ( i'm a dispatcher and part-time emt) its part of the life we choose.. i am also a single mom.... it may suck at times but you are providing him with what he needs in life... although it may feel crappy at times it will make him a better man in the long run... you have a career you and him can be proud of...."normal" is what you make it....there is no such thing as "normal" to you and him this is "normal"...keep your head held high and know youre doing whats the best!