Are you so evil??

[get2knowme]

I am a new step-mom who is viewed as the person who took daddy away from his perfect family.  The truth is that I did not meet my husband until after he was divorced and I was in the process of mine.  I cannot do anything right in the eyes of his 7 & 9 year old daughters.  They live full time with their mom and we get them every-other weekend.  He has a horrible relationship with the ex and she is really weird.  By process of her parenting, the kids cannot be happy with anything their dad does or we give them.  Will they ever like me should I be OK with them ignoring me in my own home?  My husband wants me to co-parent his kids but I have two of my own to parent.  We are in counseling, they are in counseling and my girls see someone.  My therapist says let him parent his kids and build a relationship with them first.  I'm waiting for your feedback.

[ahartman6994]

I AM A NEW STEPMOM I HAVE BEEN WITH MY HUSBAND FOR 6 YEARS AND WE HAVE ONLY BEEN MARRIED FORT 19 MONTHS WELL IT IS HARD I HAVE A NINE YEAR OLD STEPSON WHO WE ONLY HAVE EVERYOTHER WEKEND AND ON EVEERY OTHER WED SO IT IS REALLY HARD HIS MOM TALKS ABOUT MY HUSBAND AND I TO HIM NEG AND SO IT IS HARD FOR ME TO GET CLOSE TO HIM I AM IN THERAPY FOR MYSELF AND WELL I KNOW TAHT HE IS ALSO I HAVE TO TRY AND BE THE BETTER PERSON BUT SHE MAKES IT HARD WHEN SHE WANTS TO BE SO HARD TO GET ALONG WITH I AM A BADA PERSON IN MY STEPSON'S EYES

[get2knowme]

It is easier said than done when it comes to being the bigger person.  My step daughters are really not in touch with reality and I am sure that the Mom is behind all of this.  She calls twice a day when they are with us and want a play by play of what is going on here.  The girls used to run off into the other room to give the details now they have to sit on the sofa and talk to mommie dearest.  They cannot have any fun here in their eyes and I force them to do things (i.e. girl's day pedicures and manicures).  I really bend over backwards to Wow them when they are with us and pick up random gifts for them when they are not with us.  I am so overboard being the perfect hostess and the laundry lady all in one.  After they leave I am so exhausted I go to work on Mondays to rest.  I really want everything to work and we are planning to get pregnant this year so, your thoughts?

[principal]

That is an unfair situation you are in. Unfortunately, you cannot control what the ex says about you to the children, but what you can control is how you get treated in your own house! Your stepchildren need to respect you in your own house. If you talk to them and they don't listen, tell them when they are in your house, they abide by you and your husband's rules, and when someone talks to them, they are to answer. Once they see how you will not tolerate their nonsense, then will begin to respect you in a different way and maybe in time, they will see that their BM is wrong about you. It may take a long time, like months, or even years, but it will get there. Do you and your husband have the same parenting style with the step children?

If you want to email me, I can tell you my story.

[chloeesmom]

Let me first say everything will be okay. I have two step-children and I also know what it is like having a step-parent. Every kid is going to go through the "you not my mom" faze, it is how you react to it that will end that.  I have learned that sometimes you need their dad to get involved, he first needs to let them know it is not okay to pull that on you. And you need to remember that they are also acting on their mom's feelings. Be strong with them and never let them get away with treating with disrespect. put down your foot and talk to them about how they are feeling. try taking them out just you and them, leave dad at home. Let them know that they can talk to you and that you are not replacing their mom or taking their dad away. the will grow to, at least, respect you.