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"Not Normal" or " Not Normally developed"- important issue
posted to General Discussion
in Ask The Aspie
on Jun. 9, 2007 at 7:33 AM
- 13 Replies
- 145 Total Views
I'm really hurt right now.
Maybe I am taking it out of proportions, I don't know. My hubby always tells me I have the tendency to do just that, but I never feel like I do that....
Anyway, here goes-
I was reading posts at another forum and I came across a post with a question if kids with Asperger's ever outgrow it. One of the answers I read was great and I really felt I was reading something I would say...until almost the end. The last 2-3 lines stopped me where I was and really got me angry and upset.
It was a very hopeful and uplifting answer that made me feel really good but then the woman wrote at the end: "They do not develop normally. I think it is a 3 steps forward, one step back. And remember all kids are different."
This was like a slap in my face- something I did not expect at all!
After such a nice answer about how her daughter has come such a long way and has become such a wonerful young adult (she's 18) and has overcome obstacles and now is a senior and will graduate with a regular diploma...to see such a line that tears it all down?
"They do not develop normally"- I never could understand this word....normal.
It is such a relative term- who does decide what's normal and what's not?
And what if I had said that Aspies are the norm and NTs are not?
Why to even use that term?
DO any of you feel that your children aren't normal or that they don't develop normally? Can't we all just use words like "Different"?
As an Aspie, I think we are just different than the NTs. I don't think of myself as not normal or developed in a "not normal" way.
It's very insulting when parents of kids and adults on the Spectrum actually use the term "not developing normally" (or not normal for that matter, as some do) just like every other NT does. This is why the rest of the world allow themselves to look down at our children. They see that parents to kids ib the Spectrum accept these terms, and so why shouldn't they continue to use them?! AND these are such degrading terms for us, people with Autism Spectrm disorders...YOUR children!
I'm sorry if I sound harsh, I don't mean to, I am just hurting every single time I hear one of the parents say that we are thinking in a "not normal" way or we don't develop normally etc.
Your kids are very much NORMAL compared to other kids on the Spectrum.
Normal is a relative term.
If we as parents decide as a collective to Not accept the use of these words, perhaps the rest of the NT world will stop and accept our kids better into their society?!
Just the thoughts of a hurt Aspie, who in her opinion is very normal compared to others like her.
Michal
Maybe I am taking it out of proportions, I don't know. My hubby always tells me I have the tendency to do just that, but I never feel like I do that....
Anyway, here goes-
I was reading posts at another forum and I came across a post with a question if kids with Asperger's ever outgrow it. One of the answers I read was great and I really felt I was reading something I would say...until almost the end. The last 2-3 lines stopped me where I was and really got me angry and upset.
It was a very hopeful and uplifting answer that made me feel really good but then the woman wrote at the end: "They do not develop normally. I think it is a 3 steps forward, one step back. And remember all kids are different."
This was like a slap in my face- something I did not expect at all!
After such a nice answer about how her daughter has come such a long way and has become such a wonerful young adult (she's 18) and has overcome obstacles and now is a senior and will graduate with a regular diploma...to see such a line that tears it all down?
"They do not develop normally"- I never could understand this word....normal.
It is such a relative term- who does decide what's normal and what's not?
And what if I had said that Aspies are the norm and NTs are not?
Why to even use that term?
DO any of you feel that your children aren't normal or that they don't develop normally? Can't we all just use words like "Different"?
As an Aspie, I think we are just different than the NTs. I don't think of myself as not normal or developed in a "not normal" way.
It's very insulting when parents of kids and adults on the Spectrum actually use the term "not developing normally" (or not normal for that matter, as some do) just like every other NT does. This is why the rest of the world allow themselves to look down at our children. They see that parents to kids ib the Spectrum accept these terms, and so why shouldn't they continue to use them?! AND these are such degrading terms for us, people with Autism Spectrm disorders...YOUR children!
I'm sorry if I sound harsh, I don't mean to, I am just hurting every single time I hear one of the parents say that we are thinking in a "not normal" way or we don't develop normally etc.
Your kids are very much NORMAL compared to other kids on the Spectrum.
Normal is a relative term.
If we as parents decide as a collective to Not accept the use of these words, perhaps the rest of the NT world will stop and accept our kids better into their society?!
Just the thoughts of a hurt Aspie, who in her opinion is very normal compared to others like her.
Michal
Replies:
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- by on Jun. 14, 2007 at 10:39 AM
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Thank you mic.
You explain it far better then any book I've read so far.
And ya, that IS how Tami is..and it is different. Shes so little...I think it makes it easier to think of her as no different other then sensory problems.
Hopefully my brain can hang on to that information....I think it is stuff I definately need to know to help her grow well and happy.
Funny...my brother I had thought might be adhd...now I wonder if he was aspergers. He had a crappy childhood. I learned most of my mothering skills from my mom...thats scary. I don't know if I'll do any better then she did...but at least I know I've got a better chance of it if only because I won't be looking at her as a screw up, a blacksheep or mentally ill....and I won't be trying to spank her differences out of her.
Shes so sweet now. That whole teeny helpless thing and with such obvious problems. Momma bear can be strong. I hope I can remember over the years as she grows so I don't keep expecting her to be like me...right now I think I keep getting it in little flashes and forgetting it to degrees....smack me upside the head if I forget!
Different is a good word for it. Did I ever tell you about a book called "Not Even Wrong"? It was written by a parent....but I love the title and what the author said about that. Are there any books you know of written by auties that you thought were excellent? Especially if they talk alot about the differences. Momma bear needs more then love...momma bear needs understanding or I'm afraid my kids gonna grow up hurt by momma bear.
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- by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 2:33 AM
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I have spent a lifetime asking people to define normal for me,Who's to really say what is normal? City normal,Country normal,tall normal,short normal ,people come in all shapes and sizes that is the beauty in each of us it really does take a village to make things work.Thanks for listening.
ASPIE AND PROUD OF IT
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- by on Oct. 13, 2009 at 10:12 AM
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Quoting Nana227:
I have spent a lifetime asking people to define normal for me,Who's to really say what is normal? City normal,Country normal,tall normal,short normal ,people come in all shapes and sizes that is the beauty in each of us it really does take a village to make things work.Thanks for listening.
ASPIE AND PROUD OF IT
Nobody is really normal. If a person thinks they are perfectly normal then I guess "Ignores is Bliss!"
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