Driving.. Help Michal!!!!

Replies:

• 
• by
  • catteagrammy
  on May. 12, 2009 at 11:41 AM

• My Aspie son will be 30 this summer.  He never wanted to learn to drive.  He once told me he didn't want to be responsible for 2 tons of metal.  LOL!!!

  Then this past fall he decided he wanted to learn to drive.  I talked him out of lessons at the time because it was almost winter and I didn't want to add snow and ice to his learning experience.  I told him we would look into lessons in the spring.  Damn it's Spring!  Well, I haven't done anything but he came home the other day with the booklet from the Motor Vehicle Dept. to study for his permit. 

  So I suggest letting it go until he's ready.  It's not something I ever pushed with any of my kids.  But that's just us.
  

  KAT                
  

• 
• by
  • micO
  on May. 13, 2009 at 3:55 PM

• Ok, here goes... I was 17 when I got my driving license, which means that I was 16.5 when I started learning (or something like that).
  In Israel learning how to drive is different than here- you study for the Theory test on your own and take the test, then if you pass you can take lessons- your one and only option is learning through a licensed driving school!
  Parents can NOT teach their child there.
  Not only you have to learn through a school, but you have to go through at least 21 lessons. Or at least that's how it was in my day (I think nowadays it's more strict). Back then, once your teacher decides you're ready, he sets the test date and you go through the test. If you pass, you get your license. Today it is different there too- there's a limited license for young people, like here.
  Anyway, back to my driving expeience- I wanted to drive ever since I was 5yo.LOL
  So much so, that I had my mom put me on her lap and drive in the parking lot (back then there was so much less awareness to  safety belts than there is today...)
  When I was 16.5 and my mom said I could start, I was in heaven. I passed the theory test on first try, which is hard in Israel (much harder than over here) and started taking lessons.
  I was a natural born driver, so said my teacher anyway. Had good instincts and took to driving right away, BUT when time came to take the test, my anxiety kicked in and I couldn't function, so my mom gave me something for my nerves- that totally ruined any chance I had to pass the test. I was so indifferent to what was going around me, that it was dangerous.
  The second try, I failed as well- too jittery and didn't park the car well enough.
  You see, my tests were 45 minutes each and included driving in narrow streets, parking, driving in highways... much more difficult than here (my test here was 5 minutes long around the block).

  I failed 2 more times- this time because it was a time when the testers got instruction not to let more than a certain amount of people pass and once they did, the flunk the rest- hard to think they'd do something like that, but they did. Eventually I passed in my 5th try.
  It's funny, because when I got here and I had to go through another driving test, I passed it with flying colors the first time. I have always been a good driver and never had an accident, by the way (had to stop driving for certain amount of times due to medical reasons, but other than that I always drove and never had a problem).

  Back to you- I know how you feel. I'm about to sign my son up for Drivers Ed.
  My T is 16yo though and he is showing interest in driving for over 5  years now. Like mother like son, huh?!
  My son will have to drive when he's 18yo because he's planning to get out of the house once he goes to College, and he has only 2 options for Colleges- one is about 30 minutes away (not counting traffic) and the other 2.5 hours away, so he has to have a way to come home when he wants to. So, I want him to have a license and be a good driver by the time he leaves home, but he wants that too.
  
  As for your son- the questions I'd ask is, will he be depended on his driving soon?
  Why do you want him to learn to drive so badly now, if he is not even interested in it yet?
  If he is not going to have to drive himself to College or work, soon (will have public transportation for example ) then I'd wait until he shows interest, because then there's a bigger chance that he will be more successful in it. If he's not interested in it, it might be out of fear that he won't be good at it, that his instincts or reflexes aren't sharp enough, fear of the other cars around that can distract him while driving, or that it's just not something he sees himself doing...
  Making him drive might reassures him that he can't do it and that will be bad for him;  maybe just maybe if he waits until he himself wants to try it, then he can show himself that he CAN do it. know what I mean?
  Now of course I could be wrong altogether, after all I don't know him enough. You do!
  Maybe you should have a talk with him and see why there's a lack of interest there.

  Michal

• 
• by
  • dewey
  on May. 14, 2009 at 10:41 AM

• Thank you so much for your detail answer

  I think there is a lack of interest because there are so many bad and rude drivers in south Florida.  I have been drive for over thirty-five years and I hate driving the highways down here also.  His body just seems so rigid and I don't think this is going to come natural to him.   My friend has given me a name of a person who has taught other Aspies how to drive including her daughter.

  I just want my son to become a little more independent, he doesn't have to go for his driver's license yet.  I would not let him drive a lone for a long while.  The public transportation in South Fl. is poor.  One of the colleges that we might apply to is about forty five minutes away and he could take the train, but because of state funding tri-rail might be discontinued by then. Public transportation in So Fl is horrible. I would then have to drive him or he could live in the dorm which would be extremely expensive.  The drive would be nasty because the turnpike is always under construction.

  I do know this about my son if the speed limit is 45 mph, he will go that speed.  He is a rule follower, unlike the drivers in So. Fl.   They don't follow the rules of the road.  I think I would be less nervous about it if we didn't live in this state.  

• 
• by
  • micO
  on May. 15, 2009 at 7:37 AM

• I know how you feel, I do.
  Over here, public transportation is also poor. To get on a bus, you need to walk 40 minutes to the station, then you get a bus to Providence every 15 minutes or so, but if you need one to one of the closer towns (that are 10-15 min away), well then- you have to ride to Providence (30 min ride) most times and changes busses!
  Stupid thing, isn't it?!
  
  My boys are also rule follower. Usually, anyway.
  Why do I say usually?
  Because T is one to follow peer pressure too. SO I'm also worried that if he has friends in his car in the future, that push him to drive fast, he will...after all, there's nothing in this world he wants more than to be like everyone else..."normal", and 'friends' can certainly work on that angle.
  O is different! he knows to stand up for himself and peer pressure doesn't work on him. At least it hasn't so far. He is unique and that is why other kids gravitate toward him. He just doesn't care much about other kids.LOL
  So I don't worry much about him.

  In Israel, drivers are horrible- the kids took it hard and were very anxious about each ride  we took in the car. over here, most drivers are cortious and calm compared to Israeli drivers :-)
  LOL
  I guess the heat makes them agitated over there.
  
  I do understand why your son would be scared, I know T would be too if he had to drive in Israel, in fact he said so. I also understand your wish for him to be more indepepndent- That is what I want for T, but they have to want it too. You need to talk about it with your son, even if it takes a few talks. Eventually, he will understand the merit in learning to drive.

  Michal

• 
• by
  • dewey
  on May. 15, 2009 at 3:23 PM

• 
  

  Quoting micO:
  
  

  I know how you feel, I do.
  Over here, public transportation is also poor. To get on a bus, you need to walk 40 minutes to the station, then you get a bus to Providence every 15 minutes or so, but if you need one to one of the closer towns (that are 10-15 min away), well then- you have to ride to Providence (30 min ride) most times and changes busses!
  Stupid thing, isn't it?!
  
  My boys are also rule follower. Usually, anyway.
  Why do I say usually?
  Because T is one to follow peer pressure too. SO I'm also worried that if he has friends in his car in the future, that push him to drive fast, he will...after all, there's nothing in this world he wants more than to be like everyone else..."normal", and 'friends' can certainly work on that angle.
  O is different! he knows to stand up for himself and peer pressure doesn't work on him. At least it hasn't so far. He is unique and that is why other kids gravitate toward him. He just doesn't care much about other kids.LOL
  So I don't worry much about him.

  In Israel, drivers are horrible- the kids took it hard and were very anxious about each ride  we took in the car. over here, most drivers are cortious and calm compared to Israeli drivers :-)
  LOL
  I guess the heat makes them agitated over there.
  
  I do understand why your son would be scared, I know T would be too if he had to drive in Israel, in fact he said so. I also understand your wish for him to be more indepepndent- That is what I want for T, but they have to want it too. You need to talk about it with your son, even if it takes a few talks. Eventually, he will understand the merit in learning to drive.

  Michal

  I thought the drivers in Israel would be good, maybe it is the heat, because it is hot in South Florida and the drivers are horrible.

   

  Most of my friends have a rule about their kids first year of driving.  They are not allowed to drive with another person (teenager) in the car. If they get caught with a friend in the car, their license is taken away from them.  Most teenage drivers get into accidents when they have a friend in the car with them and are distracted.  We also have the secret spying society of friends and neighbors.  If we catch one of our friends or neighbors kid driving unsafely, we immediately tell the parents.  There is no hard feelings among us.  The younger driver knows that there are a lot of eyes watching them.
  

• 
• by
  • momtosomany
  on May. 15, 2009 at 4:04 PM

• My Aspie son is 22 years old now and driving fine.  Actually he drives slower and is more cautious than most other's his age and was just as cautious even when he was younger & first started to drive.  That was his only problem.  Too cautious and hesitated as he was starting to make a left turn on a green light with oncoming traffic!  But the accident was avoided and he learned his lesson from that one experience and (as far as I know) it never came close to another incident again.

  I would definitely suggest that you wait until your son wants to start driving.  The biggest thing I have learned from my Aspie is that he can never and I mean NEVER be pushed into anything until he has got it into his own mind that it is something he wants or wants to do.  That doesn't mean you cannot make reassuring comments and try to guide him somewhat to what you feel is in his best interest.  That doesn't mean you should not offer the lessons and/or license to him every few months (often my son doesn't bring things up in a conversation on his own until I say something about it to him)............he received his license (had to take the behind the wheel test twice to pass) when he was 18 years old.  Here they go through behind the wheel training at age 16, but he wasn't ready then.  So we waited until he was ready.

  I taught all 3 of my kids to drive.  My eldest (Aspie), my middle child, and my youngest son(ADHD with a HUGE H to it!).  Every one of them started in a very big empty parking lot when the college campus and/or shopping center was closed.  Nothing to run into that way!  We had several of these practice sessions prior to them starting into their public school behind the wheel driver's education class (we pay about $175 for this class now plus the fee for a driver's permit).  My youngest son is the only one who does not have his license (he is 17 now and already passed driver's ed at school).   I have refused to agree to take my youngest son for his behind the wheel test and to get his actual license due to his lack of good decision making and maturity (way too impulsive!).   I'm sure he will go on his own when he turns 18 (they don't need parental permission then).

  Good luck to you and your son!  I'm sure in his own good time he will decide he wants to get a license. 

• 
• by
  • dewey
  on Jun. 25, 2009 at 11:42 AM

• Drivng update****

   

  My son took his first driving lesson last Sunday at it was a disaster.  The drivng school after I told them to send me someone very patient they sent me Mr Woodcock.  The instructor shows up smelling like a cigarette.  The car smells like a cigarette.  He brings my son home fifteen minutes early from the lesson almost in tears and charges me five dollars more than the price that was quoted over the phone.  My son said he yelled. 

  I told the instructor that my son was extremely anxious about learn how to drive and the instructor told me no that I was the one who was anxious.

  Called the school and complained about the instructor and said they would call me about and never did.  Called the Driving School Association which they said they belonged to yesterday and filed a complaint.  Today I call the state of Fl.  I don't think the schools cars should smell like a cigarette.

   

  This Sunday my son has an appointment with a different driving school, if this one doesn't work....we will hold off on drivng lessons for another six months to a year.

  http://www.ask.com/movies/film/Mr.-Woodcock/325008

• 
• by
  • micO
  on Jul. 1, 2009 at 3:03 PM
• [quote name="dewey" id="0"]

  Drivng update****

  
  

   

  
  

  My son took his first driving lesson last Sunday at it was a disaster.  The drivng school after I told them to send me someone very patient they sent me Mr Woodcock.  The instructor shows up smelling like a cigarette.  The car smells like a cigarette.  He brings my son home fifteen minutes early from the lesson almost in tears and charges me five dollars more than the price that was quoted over the phone.  My son said he yelled. 

  
  

  I told the instructor that my son was extremely anxious about learn how to drive and the instructor told me no that I was the one who was anxious.

  
  

  Called the school and complained about the instructor and said they would call me about and never did.  Called the Driving School Association which they said they belonged to yesterday and filed a complaint.  Today I call the state of Fl.  I don't think the schools cars should smell like a cigarette.

  
  

   

  
  

  This Sunday my son has an appointment with a different driving school, if this one doesn't work....we will hold off on drivng lessons for another six months to a year.

  
  

  
  -------------------------------
  I think that's awful!
  That teacher should be ashamed for his conduct but the problem is that there are a lot like him out there :-(
  I hope you find a better one at the other driving school
  
  Michal

• 
• by
  • dewey
  on Jul. 2, 2009 at 10:02 AM

• 
  

  Quoting micO:
  
  [quote name="dewey" id="0"]

  Drivng update****

  
  

   

  
  

  My son took his first driving lesson last Sunday at it was a disaster.  The drivng school after I told them to send me someone very patient they sent me Mr Woodcock.  The instructor shows up smelling like a cigarette.  The car smells like a cigarette.  He brings my son home fifteen minutes early from the lesson almost in tears and charges me five dollars more than the price that was quoted over the phone.  My son said he yelled. 

  
  

  I told the instructor that my son was extremely anxious about learn how to drive and the instructor told me no that I was the one who was anxious.

  
  

  Called the school and complained about the instructor and said they would call me about and never did.  Called the Driving School Association which they said they belonged to yesterday and filed a complaint.  Today I call the state of Fl.  I don't think the schools cars should smell like a cigarette.

  
  

   

  
  

  This Sunday my son has an appointment with a different driving school, if this one doesn't work....we will hold off on drivng lessons for another six months to a year.

  
  

  
  -------------------------------
  I think that's awful!
  That teacher should be ashamed for his conduct but the problem is that there are a lot like him out there :-(
  I hope you find a better one at the other driving school
  
  Michal

  What a difference a week makes.  I called the driving school that I was originally going to go with,  they finally agreed to give him one driving lesson with the option that if it turned out well I would sign on for more lessons.  Michal you are going to love this.  The man my friend recommended shows up with a American/ Israeli flag on his hat,  a retired Jewish man from New Jersey with the patient of a Saint (LOL).  The instructor even allowed me to sit in the back seat of the car during the lesson.  I was extremely anxious all that day because we have been having really bad thunderstorms, so for the hour and a half last Sunday afternoon the weather had cleared some what.  

  The lesson turned out well, my son even asked me if he could drive my car home from his Monday morning doctors appointment , of course I said no.  I was happy that he liked his driving lesson, but I was not stupid enough to let him drive home in the pouring rain.  The instructor told me that he had taught about 450 people how to drive one was a 94 year old woman and   another person had cerebal palsy.   This Sunday we have our second lesson, these driving lessons are not cheap, but they are worth it.

  
   

• 
• by
  • extremelibrary
  on Jul. 2, 2009 at 7:47 PM

• I'm glad it worked out for the both of you. I wish your son the best of luck with his driving.
  

  Quoting dewey:
  
  

   

  Quoting micO:
  
  [quote name="dewey" id="0"]

  Drivng update****

  
  

   

  
  

  My son took his first driving lesson last Sunday at it was a disaster.  The drivng school after I told them to send me someone very patient they sent me Mr Woodcock.  The instructor shows up smelling like a cigarette.  The car smells like a cigarette.  He brings my son home fifteen minutes early from the lesson almost in tears and charges me five dollars more than the price that was quoted over the phone.  My son said he yelled. 

  
  

  I told the instructor that my son was extremely anxious about learn how to drive and the instructor told me no that I was the one who was anxious.

  
  

  Called the school and complained about the instructor and said they would call me about and never did.  Called the Driving School Association which they said they belonged to yesterday and filed a complaint.  Today I call the state of Fl.  I don't think the schools cars should smell like a cigarette.

  
  

   

  
  

  This Sunday my son has an appointment with a different driving school, if this one doesn't work....we will hold off on drivng lessons for another six months to a year.

  
  

  
  -------------------------------
  I think that's awful!
  That teacher should be ashamed for his conduct but the problem is that there are a lot like him out there :-(
  I hope you find a better one at the other driving school
  
  Michal

  What a difference a week makes.  I called the driving school that I was originally going to go with,  they finally agreed to give him one driving lesson with the option that if it turned out well I would sign on for more lessons.  Michal you are going to love this.  The man my friend recommended shows up with a American/ Israeli flag on his hat,  a retired Jewish man from New Jersey with the patient of a Saint (LOL).  The instructor even allowed me to sit in the back seat of the car during the lesson.  I was extremely anxious all that day because we have been having really bad thunderstorms, so for the hour and a half last Sunday afternoon the weather had cleared some what.  

  The lesson turned out well, my son even asked me if he could drive my car home from his Monday morning doctors appointment , of course I said no.  I was happy that he liked his driving lesson, but I was not stupid enough to let him drive home in the pouring rain.  The instructor told me that he had taught about 450 people how to drive one was a 94 year old woman and   another person had cerebal palsy.   This Sunday we have our second lesson, these driving lessons are not cheap, but they are worth it.

  
   

  
  

  Extremelibrary

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