Loss of Beloved Pet

Replies:

• 
• by
  • extremelibrary
  on Jul. 4, 2009 at 11:21 AM

• It's good that she was empathetic. Of course people with Asperger's have emotions. Forget what the doctor's said.  Just help her deal with the situation. You sound like your doing a good job.

  Extremelibrary

• 
• by
  • micO
  on Jul. 4, 2009 at 11:41 AM

• 
  

  Quoting KatsMom01:
  
  

  I know this isn't a pleasant topic, but I need someone to talk with.

  We lost our cat, who was just a little over a year old, unexpectedly from kidney failure on Wednesday.  I was heartbroken and it was hard on us all.

  But from this, family friends are now questioning Kat's diagnosis.  Kat also took it very hard, showing some very real emotion and emphathy toward the cat.  She said that she lost her best friend, but was able to see the situation from the cat's view, and so understands.  Forgive me Michal, I'm doing my best to explain.  Kat's doctors had told me this was something she wouldn't be able to do.  And really this is the first time I've seen her experience emotion for something besides herself.  She just wasn't upset that she was losing the cat.  She was upset that the cat was suffering.  I hope that makes sense?

  I'm hoping that it's me not thinking right.  I don't want to start questioning the diagnosis again, not when we've accepted it and when so much fits.  So is this possible?

  
  

  Feeling for people and for pets is two different things altogether!

  I got my first pet friend when I was 8yo- she was a wonderful dog and I loved her like I loved no one else!!! She was my best friend until my mom gave her away when i was 13yo and my brother was born. I never forgave my mom for that. Not till this very day!
  My dog (her name was "Chicky") died 3 years after my mom gave her away, during delivery of 3 puppies. It wass a miracle and a very sad thing all at once- she was 16yo. Imagine that!
  I heard the news through my grandma, who was in touch with the family who got her back from my mom.

  Anyway, I hurt so badly when my mom took her away from me, and not just because I lost my friend, but also because I knew she lost me too- she was so close to me...we had a special bond!
  When I heard she died it was even worse; My heart was torn to pieces because she  we never got to say goodbye to each other really and I knew that she probably didn't understand why I left her. To this day I cry whenever I think of her (even now when I'm writing this).
  She's a big part of me.
  That's just to show you how we can feel much more about animals than for people- and to answer the question- WHY?
  Because animals are real, they love you unconditionally, they are NOT hypocretes like humans can be, they will do anything for their human friend, they are sensitive and caring, protective and ...well....naive...like a child. This is why I have always connected well with children younger than myself as well (growing up). This is also why I called my son Tom (in Hebrew, it means innocense and naivete) .

  Aspies Can and Do feel emotions and empathy!!!! it's just hard for us to show it in a way that NT people understand it.
  It's true to say that some of us feel it more toward animals and young children, but not all of us- we do evolve over time and develop.
  
  So don't listen to those who tell you differently- they are simply WORNG!!!
  

  Michal
  

• 
• by
  • KatsMom01
  on Jul. 7, 2009 at 8:13 AM

• Thank you so much for the reassurance!  I'm finding that we have many friends who would like to argue Kat's diagnosis or find a cure for it.  It's getting frustrating.

  

• 
• by
  • KatsMom01
  on Jul. 7, 2009 at 8:26 AM

• 
  

  Quoting micO:
  
  

   

  Quoting KatsMom01:
  
  

  I know this isn't a pleasant topic, but I need someone to talk with.

  We lost our cat, who was just a little over a year old, unexpectedly from kidney failure on Wednesday.  I was heartbroken and it was hard on us all.

  But from this, family friends are now questioning Kat's diagnosis.  Kat also took it very hard, showing some very real emotion and emphathy toward the cat.  She said that she lost her best friend, but was able to see the situation from the cat's view, and so understands.  Forgive me Michal, I'm doing my best to explain.  Kat's doctors had told me this was something she wouldn't be able to do.  And really this is the first time I've seen her experience emotion for something besides herself.  She just wasn't upset that she was losing the cat.  She was upset that the cat was suffering.  I hope that makes sense?

  I'm hoping that it's me not thinking right.  I don't want to start questioning the diagnosis again, not when we've accepted it and when so much fits.  So is this possible?

   

  Feeling for people and for pets is two different things altogether!

  I got my first pet friend when I was 8yo- she was a wonderful dog and I loved her like I loved no one else!!! She was my best friend until my mom gave her away when i was 13yo and my brother was born. I never forgave my mom for that. Not till this very day!
  My dog (her name was "Chicky") died 3 years after my mom gave her away, during delivery of 3 puppies. It wass a miracle and a very sad thing all at once- she was 16yo. Imagine that!
  I heard the news through my grandma, who was in touch with the family who got her back from my mom.

  Anyway, I hurt so badly when my mom took her away from me, and not just because I lost my friend, but also because I knew she lost me too- she was so close to me...we had a special bond!
  When I heard she died it was even worse; My heart was torn to pieces because she  we never got to say goodbye to each other really and I knew that she probably didn't understand why I left her. To this day I cry whenever I think of her (even now when I'm writing this).
  She's a big part of me.
  That's just to show you how we can feel much more about animals than for people- and to answer the question- WHY?
  Because animals are real, they love you unconditionally, they are NOT hypocretes like humans can be, they will do anything for their human friend, they are sensitive and caring, protective and ...well....naive...like a child. This is why I have always connected well with children younger than myself as well (growing up). This is also why I called my son Tom (in Hebrew, it means innocense and naivete) .

  Aspies Can and Do feel emotions and empathy!!!! it's just hard for us to show it in a way that NT people understand it.
  It's true to say that some of us feel it more toward animals and young children, but not all of us- we do evolve over time and develop.
  
  So don't listen to those who tell you differently- they are simply WORNG!!!

  Michal

  I'm still finding it difficult to talk about, please forgive me.  And this is still hard to explain.

  To me, it doesn't matter why Kat showed the emotion, only that she was able to.  (It gives me a life lesson that I can use to teach Kat).  I wish now I hadn't said anything to our family friend, she means well and I value her friendship, but this is starting to irritate me.  For every accomplishment we have with Kat, our friend uses that as a point to agrue against the diagnosis.  She says that Kat doesn't have the character traits for Asperger's.  And I don't understand why she's so blind! 

  I'm sorry for the loss of your Chicky.  I grew up around dogs and cats myself, and so I know the feeling of loss. 
  

  

• 
• by
  • dewey
  on Jul. 8, 2009 at 12:17 PM

• That is so untrue Aspie people do show emotions.  I remember when my son's parakeet became egg bound.  She was trying to lay an egg and the egg became stuck.  Within an hour the bird became extremely sick.   My son became hysterical, I had to find a vet that that would treat a parakeet (most vets just treat dogs, cats, horses), it was also a holiday weekend.  The vet put the parakeet to sleep and my son was so relieved when the animal was not suffering any longer.

• 
• by
  • dewey
  on Jul. 8, 2009 at 12:25 PM

• 
  

  Quoting micO:
  
  

   

  Quoting KatsMom01:
  
  

  I know this isn't a pleasant topic, but I need someone to talk with.

  We lost our cat, who was just a little over a year old, unexpectedly from kidney failure on Wednesday.  I was heartbroken and it was hard on us all.

  But from this, family friends are now questioning Kat's diagnosis.  Kat also took it very hard, showing some very real emotion and emphathy toward the cat.  She said that she lost her best friend, but was able to see the situation from the cat's view, and so understands.  Forgive me Michal, I'm doing my best to explain.  Kat's doctors had told me this was something she wouldn't be able to do.  And really this is the first time I've seen her experience emotion for something besides herself.  She just wasn't upset that she was losing the cat.  She was upset that the cat was suffering.  I hope that makes sense?

  I'm hoping that it's me not thinking right.  I don't want to start questioning the diagnosis again, not when we've accepted it and when so much fits.  So is this possible?

   

  Feeling for people and for pets is two different things altogether!

  I got my first pet friend when I was 8yo- she was a wonderful dog and I loved her like I loved no one else!!! She was my best friend until my mom gave her away when i was 13yo and my brother was born. I never forgave my mom for that. Not till this very day!
  My dog (her name was "Chicky") died 3 years after my mom gave her away, during delivery of 3 puppies. It wass a miracle and a very sad thing all at once- she was 16yo. Imagine that!
  I heard the news through my grandma, who was in touch with the family who got her back from my mom.

  Anyway, I hurt so badly when my mom took her away from me, and not just because I lost my friend, but also because I knew she lost me too- she was so close to me...we had a special bond!
  When I heard she died it was even worse; My heart was torn to pieces because she  we never got to say goodbye to each other really and I knew that she probably didn't understand why I left her. To this day I cry whenever I think of her (even now when I'm writing this).
  She's a big part of me.
  That's just to show you how we can feel much more about animals than for people- and to answer the question- WHY?
  Because animals are real, they love you unconditionally, they are NOT hypocretes like humans can be, they will do anything for their human friend, they are sensitive and caring, protective and ...well....naive...like a child. This is why I have always connected well with children younger than myself as well (growing up). This is also why I called my son Tom (in Hebrew, it means innocense and naivete) .

  Aspies Can and Do feel emotions and empathy!!!! it's just hard for us to show it in a way that NT people understand it.
  It's true to say that some of us feel it more toward animals and young children, but not all of us- we do evolve over time and develop.
  
  So don't listen to those who tell you differently- they are simply WORNG!!!

  Michal

  Michal that is such a sad story.  Do you get a long with your mother?  My mother did some real cruel things to me also when I was a child and I just can't seem to get over them.
  

• 
• by
  • micO
  on Jul. 15, 2009 at 9:33 AM

• Quoting dewey:Michal that is such a sad story. Do you get a long with your mother? My mother did some real cruel things to me also when I was a child and I just can't seem to get over them.

  
  
  I never did get along with my mother, she was cruel and abusive. Now that I live so far from her (she lives back in Israel and I live here in the US) we do get along better, but when I went back to visit or when she comes here I find myself biting my tongue a lot and waiting impatiently to go home.
  
  My mother never did like animals and could never understand my love for them. When I was a child I used to bring home any kind of animal I could find ( starting from crickets and frogs and ending with dogs and cats) but she used to make me send them free when she found them under my bed usually in the middle of the night (that's where I used to hide them), threatening that if I don't she will throw me out with them. I hated her for it for years!
  
  Michal

• 
• by
  • ICPclwnLOV
  on Jul. 19, 2009 at 11:26 PM

• I agree with everybody else. I am an Aspie and I def show more emotion to animals than humans. I am very sensitive when it comes to animals. If I read a title of an article thats says a dog died in a fire, I cry. If I see a dead or injured/abused animal...I get physically sick. If a human was in place of the animal in these situations I would be like "oh, that sucks.". I know exactly what your son is/was going through. It has been 2 years since my dog(who was also my best friend) died and I still struggle with the grief sometimes.

  

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