Insincerity

Replies:

• 
• by
  • dewey
  on Sep. 24, 2009 at 11:01 AM

• I am not Aspie so it is hard for me to answer this question, but insincere people do bother me and I think in the United States we are at epidemic proportion when it comes to this.  I think my son the Aspie is getting better at reading insincere people.

• 
• by
  • micO
  on Oct. 1, 2009 at 7:57 AM

• 
  

  Quoting Erin369:
  
  

  Does insincerity in people bother you?  Are you able to tell when people are being insicere.  I know people on the spectrum are sterotyped as not being able to "read" people; but do you believe this to be true in your own experience.  Of course, I don't want you to answer any questions you do not feel comfortable anwering.  I feel knowing things like this is "autism awareness."  I always like hearing your responses.

  
  Sincerely,

  Erin
  

   
  

  They say that Aspies can't "read" people as a general "rule", BUT there are all kinds of Aspies as there are all kinds of life circumstances that teach you certain skills over the years. My life has taught me how to read certain things in people and one of the 'things' is to see when a person is being insincere (well, not always, but most times). So yes, in many cases I AM able to tell when a person is insincere.

  I was taught not to lie from a very young age, even though it was my nature to be honest- my mom always thought I was lying because I got into so much trouble and was so different. Growing up getting punished for lies I didn't tell, observing others who DID lie, as an experiment and seeing the "tells" they had, I learned how to figure out when a person is honest and when they're not (usually). I hate seeing that in people. I like it when people are upfront, honest and sincere.
  

  Except for my mom, many times people tell me that I'm too honest and sincere, even though I do try to soften my reactions so that I don't hurt anyone's feelings, but I've learned about  white lies only as an adult, so you can imagine how difficult  life has been for me (losing friends left and right, not knowing why and learning the hard way that most people simply don't like hearing the hard truth about themselves).

  Today I see the merit in telling a white lie at times, but I still can't stand people, whom I feel have a "two- faced" personality (hypocrities, dishonest, liars etc.)

  Michal
  

• 
• by
  • extremelibrary
  on Oct. 1, 2009 at 6:00 PM

• As an aspie myself, I can usually tell when people are being in incencere and fake.

  Extremelibrary

• 
• by
  • sherryinspire
  on Oct. 1, 2009 at 11:24 PM

• So many fake people out there, a genuine person is really refreshing!!

• 
• by
  • dewey
  on Oct. 2, 2009 at 10:22 AM

• 
  

  Quoting micO:
  
  

   

  Quoting Erin369:
  
  

  Does insincerity in people bother you?  Are you able to tell when people are being insicere.  I know people on the spectrum are sterotyped as not being able to "read" people; but do you believe this to be true in your own experience.  Of course, I don't want you to answer any questions you do not feel comfortable anwering.  I feel knowing things like this is "autism awareness."  I always like hearing your responses.

  
  Sincerely,

  Erin
  

   
  

  They say that Aspies can't "read" people as a general "rule", BUT there are all kinds of Aspies as there are all kinds of life circumstances that teach you certain skills over the years. My life has taught me how to read certain things in people and one of the 'things' is to see when a person is being insincere (well, not always, but most times). So yes, in many cases I AM able to tell when a person is insincere.

  I was taught not to lie from a very young age, even though it was my nature to be honest- my mom always thought I was lying because I got into so much trouble and was so different. Growing up getting punished for lies I didn't tell, observing others who DID lie, as an experiment and seeing the "tells" they had, I learned how to figure out when a person is honest and when they're not (usually). I hate seeing that in people. I like it when people are upfront, honest and sincere.
  

  Except for my mom, many times people tell me that I'm too honest and sincere, even though I do try to soften my reactions so that I don't hurt anyone's feelings, but I've learned about  white lies only as an adult, so you can imagine how difficult  life has been for me (losing friends left and right, not knowing why and learning the hard way that most people simply don't like hearing the hard truth about themselves).

  Today I see the merit in telling a white lie at times, but I still can't stand people, whom I feel have a "two- faced" personality (hypocrities, dishonest, liars etc.)

  Michal
  

   I guess we are taught to tell "white lies," not to hurt peoples feels.  We are also told to tell "white lies" not to get into trouble.  My son the Aspie who is extremely innocent and sweet told another classmate that he should try to get out of taking AP Biology with Mr. X because he is not a good teacher.  I told my Aspie son instead of saying that Mr. X is not a good teacher, tell your friend that the course material is extremely hard.  A white lie yes, because Mr. X is not a great teacher, but I would not want this information getting back to the teacher, because the man is very kind.  Unfortunately, white lies is a survival skill, we can not always be totally honest with people.

  I

• 
• by
  • Nana227
  on Oct. 12, 2009 at 1:46 AM

• I have heard for years,don't ask her, she is to honest? How the HELL can you be to honest? Believe me I have seen to fake!!! I stay aspie and honest.
  

  Quoting sherryinspire:
  
  

  So many fake people out there, a genuine person is really refreshing!!

  
  

• 
• by
  • micO
  on Oct. 13, 2009 at 9:52 AM

• 
  

  Quoting dewey:
  
  

   I guess we are taught to tell "white lies," not to hurt peoples feels.  We are also told to tell "white lies" not to get into trouble.  My son the Aspie who is extremely innocent and sweet told another classmate that he should try to get out of taking AP Biology with Mr. X because he is not a good teacher.  I told my Aspie son instead of saying that Mr. X is not a good teacher, tell your friend that the course material is extremely hard.  A white lie yes, because Mr. X is not a great teacher, but I would not want this information getting back to the teacher, because the man is very kind.  Unfortunately, white lies is a survival skill, we can not always be totally honest with people.

  We can't be totally honest with people just because many of them can't handle the truth, not because of anything else.
  Aspies can handle the truth because they take everything as it is, so they expect to hear the honest truth from people and that's why we can't stand the dishonest  people.

  If it were up to me, I would still rather tell the whole truth to your face, as it is (no white lies) and be myself instead of work real hard at a white lie so that you (or anyone else out there) would feel better about yourself, but as you said- in THIS society, as we know it today at least, white lies are indeed a social skill that is needed for our survival.

  I do, however, believe that in time, it will change, as our society is changing all of the time and more and more Aspies are found in it. One day, I think , there might be a majority of Aspies in the society and then everything will change.
  

  Michal
  

• 
• by
  • Erin369
  on Oct. 14, 2009 at 3:18 PM

• I myself, would rather hear an unpleasant truth, than be disappointed to find out someone was being deceitful and insincere.

  But I posted this question because of the sterotypes and myths out there; and though my sons are still very young I feel they have a very keen perspective on people's "motives" or "intentions", although they may not to be able to communicate how and why they are bothered by the person.  (if this makes any sense at all) 

  Thanks for all your inputs.
  

• 
• by
  • micO
  on Oct. 15, 2009 at 8:05 AM

• 
  

  Quoting Erin369:
  
  

  I myself, would rather hear an unpleasant truth, than be disappointed to find out someone was being deceitful and insincere.

  But I posted this question because of the sterotypes and myths out there; and though my sons are still very young I feel they have a very keen perspective on people's "motives" or "intentions", although they may not to be able to communicate how and why they are bothered by the person.  (if this makes any sense at all) 

  Thanks for all your inputs.
  

  How old are your boys?

  My boys could tell when someone was lying since a very young age. They would simply come out and say: "he's a liar" "they didn't tell the truth, mom" and such.
  It's funny because they could tell when people were lying even before they have learned how to  lie (which is a skill that kids are expected to aquire as they develop and grow). It took them much longer to learn and use lying as a skill than other kids.

  The thing is that even though they could usually detect lying, a lot of the times it could be that they would misinterpret the situation and THINK that someone is lying when in fact that person is not lying. For example, if a teacher would tell a fact that is incomplete and they were to correct that teacher and add the input that is missing, but the teacher would not accept their answer as true (and say that they are incorrect) because she thought that what she said was indeed the whole answer...my kids would think she's lying instead of simply misinformed or not knowledgeable enough about the subject. (and it happened quite a few times before).

  Or,now that they are older, if another kid is saying something sarcastically to joke with them, which of course wouldn't be true, and they don't catch up on the 'joke' (even though they usually do), they would think that that kid lied.

  there are a few examples like that and it gets worse as they grow up since there are more and more situations that are more complicated in which older kids and people expect them to understand the situation and interpret it correctly and at times they just can't.

  Michal
  

  
  

• 
• by
  • dewey
  on Oct. 15, 2009 at 11:37 AM

•  

  Quoting micO:
  
  

   

  Quoting Erin369:
  
  

  I myself, would rather hear an unpleasant truth, than be disappointed to find out someone was being deceitful and insincere.

  But I posted this question because of the sterotypes and myths out there; and though my sons are still very young I feel they have a very keen perspective on people's "motives" or "intentions", although they may not to be able to communicate how and why they are bothered by the person.  (if this makes any sense at all) 

  Thanks for all your inputs.
  

  How old are your boys?

  My boys could tell when someone was lying since a very young age. They would simply come out and say: "he's a liar" "they didn't tell the truth, mom" and such.
  It's funny because they could tell when people were lying even before they have learned how to  lie (which is a skill that kids are expected to aquire as they develop and grow). It took them much longer to learn and use lying as a skill than other kids.

  The thing is that even though they could usually detect lying, a lot of the times it could be that they would misinterpret the situation and THINK that someone is lying when in fact that person is not lying. For example, if a teacher would tell a fact that is incomplete and they were to correct that teacher and add the input that is missing, but the teacher would not accept their answer as true (and say that they are incorrect) because she thought that what she said was indeed the whole answer...my kids would think she's lying instead of simply misinformed or not knowledgeable enough about the subject. (and it happened quite a few times before).

  Or,now that they are older, if another kid is saying something sarcastically to joke with them, which of course wouldn't be true, and they don't catch up on the 'joke' (even though they usually do), they would think that that kid lied.

  there are a few examples like that and it gets worse as they grow up since there are more and more situations that are more complicated in which older kids and people expect them to understand the situation and interpret it correctly and at times they just can't.

  Michal
  

   

  I can totally related to this with my son.  Teachers will saying something to the whole class and my son takes it very seriously, while the other students will not.  Two years ago a PE teacher gave an assignment to my son's class, they had to teach a P.E. lesson.  The lesson had to last the entire class time one hour.  The teacher told the class if the lesson went over an hour they would fail the assignment.  That morning we were on our way to school and my son forgot to take a watch.  The clocks in the classroom did not work (remember this is Florida).  My son got so anxious that I had to run home and bring a watch to school. I really hate when teachers do this.  My son most likely interpret the situation incorrectly. 
  

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