Having major problems with my daughter

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• by
  • NannyB.
  on Nov. 4, 2009 at 5:47 PM

• Our daughter was our strong-willed child.  We told her once what she was expected to do or to stop doing.  If she showed any disrespect or did not instantly obey, she was spanked on her bare legs with a plastic flyswatter(which is also the instrument of discipline I am allowed to use when I watch the grandchildren, the third of which is also very strong willed).  I had to be very consistent with her, and she had to be made to know and believe that she would be spanked for every act of disrespect and disobedience.  Today she is 37 years old and she is a beautiful example of a Christian wife and mother and she has a little boy who, like his mama, is very strong willed, and she is using the same method of discipline with him.  Counting doesn't work, groundings don't work, time-outs don't work, but consistent Biblical discipline does.  And if any of our children got into any kind of trouble at school or at church or anywhere else, they got disciplined for it immediately after we found out.  It may be rough on you and on her for a few days, but if you will tell her the new rules and then enforce them, it won't take too long for her to learn them.

• 
• by
  • Silhouette
  on Nov. 4, 2009 at 6:45 PM

• You are taking her to a >Christian< counselor arent you? The worldy ones you dont want imposing their "believes" on your daughter.

  I was a willfull disrespectful child. Hateful. Mean spirited. Threw chairs at teachers, slapped them, poored soda in the counselors lap.. said hateful things to everyone who ticked me off. I didnt know why I was doing it. This started before K and got worse IN K. I actually got held back for not being "emotionally mature" enough to continue to the next grade. So 2 years later in 'K" I move on to the 1st grade. And.. right back at it. HATED my teachers. All the way up to the 8th grade I was rebelious and evil. I saw that same trait in my daughter when she was born. She was like that till 4. She has moments where her temper gets the better of her still, but rarely is it bad. I spanked her. Every time she threw a tantrum, or hurt someone, or showed disrespect. (I wasnt punished often. When I was, it was at the end of 1 2 3. So Nanny B is right. Counting.. useless!!!) Its like giving them the ok to push you till 3. Stop the pushing BEFORE it starts. And always always do it in love, and explain why you had to. And then talk to her about "GODS" expectations of her and how he sees her as a precious gem. Tell her she is unique and that feisty spirit of hers can do such good if she can learn to control it.

  Also mom, a very real reason she may be acting out at school, (cause it happened to me and I wasnt going to tell anyone) She may be being bullied. By not just peers, but ALSO teachers. I had teachers say the most awful things to me. There were the few who were actually kind, fair, and patient with me. But most (including the counselor) were worthless and should not have been in a role that allowed them to ascociate daily with impressionable children. She wont tell you, cause how can any child prove these things against an adult? My mother wouldent have believed me. She always took the adults side.

  She may also be depressed. A perfectionist (melancholy) she feels she is failing at everything..mainly by not doing what she is suppose to do, but still..she beats herself up and it makes her mad and she thinks then that everyone is against her. She needs a special amount of encouragement along with those spankings.

• 
• by
  • tocreatefire
  on Nov. 5, 2009 at 11:18 AM

• ((hugs)) it can be tough to deal with a child who struggles with their feelings.  Some feel things so much more then others.

  
  

  I think the most important thing is to have consistant  discipline that goes from home to school and anywhere else.  Also forget couting it just gives them the choice to obey you now or later. Same thing with repeating your requests your just giving her a choice on when to obey.  I have worked with some children with behavior issues and I really liked Scott Noyes, Positive Discipline That Works  It really helps with children who struggle with anger and their issues. It takes the Adult out of the Discipline and makes it the child's choice.   Basicly the child choses to behave or do as asked or the child choses to sit out.  The child also choses when they are ready to get up and follow directions.  Your daughter might be a child for whom spankings do not work for. 

  
  

  You might also want to talk to her dr about what is going on. There might be an underlying medical or chemical imbalance cause for what is going on.
  

  
  

  

  
  

  

  
  

   
  

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