Mommies with the WRITE stuff!:)Mommies with the WRITE stuff!:) / Critiques

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Beginning of a new story

SurgarPuff

posted to Critiques in Mommies with the WRITE stuff!:)
on Nov. 2, 2009 at 4:22 PM

  • 3 Replies
  • 20 Total Views

What do you think? Is it at all decent? I haven't written much in a while and I am curious if it draws you in, or if it is just kind of meh? I would love to know what you ladies think!



Casey dragged herself up from the grassy hill as a second clap of thunder rumbled all around her. The sky was quickly growing darker, winds gusting and the once white clouds now pregnant with rain. How long had she been lying staring up at the rolling clouds, her mind wandering in circles about the upcoming events? Marriage, a new baby; everything was about to change. She smiled to herself and rubbed her stomach absently, her feet following the path as the first drops of rain began to fall. There was a chill in the air as a droplet slid down her neck and along her spine, causing her to shiver. A gust of wind blew her dark curls around her flushed cheeks and across her eyes obscuring her vision. Wiping the hair from her brow as the rain began a steady pace, she felt another chill rise within her; one that had nothing to do with the weather. A flash of lightning illuminated the darkening path before her and she froze in her steps, a scream caught in her throat. Her eyes were wide with horror as they took in what was blocking the trail that led to her home. Her home, that she shared with her husband and was preparing for their daughter. She knew in that moment she would never see her home or her husband again; these were her last moments.

Written by on Nov. 2, 2009 at 4:22 PM

Replies:


  • caljones
  • by on Nov. 3, 2009 at 3:35 PM
  • i would read more.

    never stop believing in yourself. aim for the moon, for if you miss, you will always land among the stars.
    da: hufflepuff
    Hogwarts: gryffindor
    dumbledores school: gryffindor.
































    Wood type: elder
    Length: 11½ inches
    Core: Kelpie Hair







    get your own wand!

  • CS3mommy
  • by on Nov. 3, 2009 at 4:14 PM
  • Sounds cool.  I would also read more.

    Michelle

  • SurgarPuff
  • by on Nov. 3, 2009 at 5:12 PM
  • Thank you ladies. I am participating in NaNoWriMo this year and this is the story I think I am going with. I have written much more since I posted this and really like where it is headed :)

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