I would really appreciate it. I'm looking for any feedback (punctuation, grammar, whatever) I finally got my query letter in shape and I hope to start sending my work out soon. Thanks =)
Darkness. The darkness was everywhere. All around me. And the air contained an emptiness, it pressed down on my chest. Heavy. I needed to breathe. In and out, I reminded myself. I strained to pull in a single breath, but the gurgling, fluidly sound in my throat refused to let the air pass through. The sound was sickening. Terrifying. Unnatural. This had to be a nightmare. That's it! I had to be dreaming. But that was impossible. You don't feel pain when you're dreaming. Not physical pain, anyway. Why am I in pain? Something happened. Something important. Something bad. Very, very, bad. But what was it? And why can't I remember? A numbing sensation started inching its way up my body. My feet, my legs, my torso, I tried to fight it before it reached my head, but it was useless.
No more pain. Nothing.
“ Elsie,” a soft whisper called through the darkness.
Yes, I thought, my lips failing to move. Where am I?
“ You're dead, Elsie.”
I tried to answer the voice, but before I could think of how to respond I was thrust into a bright light.
So warm, so peaceful.
I slowly walked out of the light, until I was standing in a field. A familiar field. It was the same one I would wander into when I was younger. I knew it was just a dream, but it was the only place I could hide from my father.
I felt safe here, just as I had in the past.
I continued forward through the pink, purple, and lavender flowers, everything unchanged. Just as I had remembered it.Except for the huge tree centered in the middle of everything.
This was different.
I had never seen this tree before, but it's sheer beauty took my breath away. It was covered in tiny white blossoms, each one containing four glistening petals. I plopped down in front of the massive trunk, and gazed up into the blue sky. Which held four picture-perfect, white fluffy clouds. The kind you see in the travel brochures. I could hear water flowing not far from where I was sitting, but I saw no signs of a creek or a stream nearby. Just an endless field of flowers which seemed to extend for miles. There were no birds, or any other signs of life. It was just me.
I was alone.
I shouldn't be alone, someone else should be here withme. Think. Elsie. Think. I squeezed my eyes shut as I tapped my finger against the side of my head. Chelsea. That's right! Where the hell was, Chelsea? We've never been apart, not since I was twelve, anyway. She was the first person I noticed when I walked into Anna and Greg's house. Unlike Chelsea, the kids in the other four foster homes despised me. But there she was, sitting on the bottom step of the stairs smiling at me, ready to accept me, no questions asked. I knew that was six years ago, but we were all we had, each other. And Chelsea would never, ever, leave me alone.