Relationships & Dreams

Well this is a huge topic for me right now. It's one weighing heavy on my mind, and has me questioning dreams from many years ago and how they relate to more current dreams.

First let me start by sharing some of these older dreams. When I first started really paying attention to my dreams at about 16, I had a horrible one about the person I was dating at the time (whom I went on to have a son with a few years later). It came completely out of the blue, and it was of him holding me at gun point. He forced me to the bank, where he made me take all the money from my savings account. It was a terrible dream, and I woke up really wondering WHY I would have such a horrible dream about him (at this point in time, our relationship was still new and we were not fighting). It wasn't until later down the road I realized WHY - he was an abusive person. Mostly verbal, but sometimes physical. It drained me emotionally, and I fell into yet another terrible relationship right after him.

Flash forward a few years later, and I had two more dreams about him. I hadn't been with him in years, but of course I deal with him on a regular basis because of our son. We get along just fine now. But the dreams were again very dark, and had him doing terrible things. One he tried to kill me, and the other was very uncomfortable. I don't remember any other dreams of him while we were together, but there might have been. Regardless, those dreams I'm sure were to warn (which I ignored) and to remind (which I no longer ignore, I will NOT ever be with him again).

That said, I am currently struggling with another relationship (my third "real" relationship). He left a year ago last fall to see his sick grandmother, and it's just been a mess ever since. We hear from him here and there, but he's yet to come back. I won't go into details about it all because it's very long, very boring, and hard to understand. But I will tell you about the dreams......

I've had a total of 13 dreams since he left (just counted them up last night). In all the dreams he is "pleasant" if that makes sense. Even if what's going on in the dream isn't pleasant, the connection between us is. They are NOTHING like the ones with the first ex. He NEVER tries to hurt me in anyway. In fact, it's always just the opposite. Some of these dreams are so vivid, I can feel his arms around me. Yes FEEL. Dreams you usually don't physically feel anything, but rather just remember the action happened. In the dreams I remember actually feeling him. There's always a huge emphasis on it, with his arms around me.

Also in the dreams I am often taking care of him, or protecting him in some way. But on the same turn, I feel safe and protected in his arms. It's usually very balanced. Almost like I'm taking care of him, yet he's taking care of me.

The other odd part about these dreams is they take on the aspect of being "real life". I generally do not have dreams where real feelings and worries are incorperated into them. Usually my dreams make you say "what the heck was THAT?", but the ones with him do not.

For example, in one dream I "woke up" (yes, woke up inside the dream), looked next to me in bed and saw it empty as I knew it would be, thinking "of course he's not here". Then looked across the room to see his bags sitting in the middle of the room. I jumped up to see his car in the drive, and knew he was home.

Another example - the dream I had last week I was driving what I thought was my current car (silver), but when I got out of the car it was black (the color of my old car). The dent that's on the old car was on the opposite side. In a dream you probably wouldn't notice this until you woke up thinking "that was weird", but I actually THOUGHT this in my dream. I actually said to myself "what the heck, I though I was in my new car! How did I not notice this and how could this be?". I mean I was actually confused IN the dream, not just when I woke up.

There's so many of these dreams with him, and I don't know why. Granted it could be these are issues weighing heavy on my mind, but I don't know. Some have come out of the blue when I wasn't thinking of him and hadn't heard from him in weeks. In fact, I hadn't heard from him in several months with one very strong one came to me just a few hours before I heard from him (one of the last ones, which I've acutally had three dreams of him just in the few weeks - I usually do NOT have vivid dreams this often, and not of the same issues).

The dreams are meant to tell me something, this I know. But what I'm not sure. They have me kinda stumped, and feeling aweful at the same time. I almost think they are trying to show me that I need to be protecting him in some way, but that only makes me feel worse because I'm not the variable in this situation, he is. I can't help him in another state. Logic says the dreams should be telling me to walk away. But it's just the opposite. They are always of him coming home. I don't know why I'd be having dreams about him coming home if that's not going to happen.

Alright I'll stop there, because it's a bit of a touchy subject. I just needed to get it off my chest and gather any feedback any might have. Although I would appreciate if there were no "you should forget about him" comments, because I'm well aware of this fact and hearing that tends to hit a nerver. Like I said it's touchy, and relationships are complicated. This one is no exception (no kidding right? LOL).