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Need A Little Advice.

Posted by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 2:35 PM
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My husband travels all over for his work and our son and I get to go with him. While we are gone we have a great time. My 3 year old behaves and listens to us very well. He never gets sick and we are able to have a lot of fun. But when we return home my in-laws mess everything up. Our son has a severe case of asthma and allergies. He has been hospitalized 12 times in 3 years. My mother-in-law will not stop smoking around him and it always makes him sick and we have to do a hospital visit almost everytime. I have tried to keep him away from her but it kills his grandpa which makes it hard for me to stick with it. I have asked her to quit around him numerous times and all she can say is it is her house. I always tell her he is my child and I care about his well being. Nothing is working and I don't know what else to do. He loves to go see them and play but I am getting tired of him being sick. All that I ask is that no one smokes around him. It is not aloud in my house or car and I wish my family would do they same. Any ideas on how to stop her from making him sick?
by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 2:35 PM
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by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 2:44 PM
Wow, i am sorry to hear about your little one, i can't belive that as grandparents they would not bend the rules of their house while he is's sad to say but it's almost like you have to make a choice, his health or going to visit the grandparents.  I would ask that your husband speak to them privately, without you and your son being around and maybe he can find out why they are being so stubborn, why can't she go outside and smoke while your visiting or just make the visits a lot shorter. Do you live with them?  I couldn't tell from your posting....because why can't they visit with you at your house.  I would still talk to your hubby about that privately one on one with just them to talk things over. 
Good luck!!!
by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 3:31 PM
Thanks, and no we do not live with them. We only live 11 miles from them and have lived there for almost a year and she has been there 4 times. She won't come out. I am not a dirty person. I am an at home mom. I have nothing better to do than clean house and play with my boy. She only thinks about herself. And to make matters worse my husband won't stand up to her. He says that I am making a big deal over nothing. But to me this is something. He is still haveing problems putting me before his mother.
by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 4:07 PM
I hope this is not too forward, but how long have you two been married?
Is he an only child?  If his parents are older like in their late 60's that is a hard age to get people to change their ways.  You and your hubby need to have the same views on this and it does not seem like he does.  You definetly need him on your side.  Sometimes my husband and i have different ways of thinking and opinions (of course) when it comes to his family and it makes me mad and frustrated, but you know what eventually he does see things my way, it takes time and lots of patience, but most importantly you need to talk about things and not argue, arguing just makes the other person automatically up on their guard, but if you watch your tone and think of exactly what you want to say before you say it, it might make a difference.
Who knows....hahaha i am just giving you my input.
by on Aug. 1, 2007 at 9:07 AM
Thank you for taking the time to help me. Your opinion has helped a lot. We talked together and I think everything will be okay.
by on Aug. 1, 2007 at 3:05 PM
If his parentws want to see your son than they should be coming to your house to vist, not the other way around. I can tell you, as an asthmatic, that even if she DOES go outside to smoke, that the lingering smoke in their house is just as harmful to your son's lungs. I'm sorry that you have to deal with her being so selfish but when it comes to your child's well being and health, it's no longer about HER. And as his mother you have to make that choice for him, since he is too young to make that choice for himself. Sorry if I am being to abbrasive in my answer, but when it comes to my kid and what I do or don't want around her, I put my foot down, no matter what other people's feelings are towards me about it. I'M her mother and it's MY job protect her. Good luck!


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by on Aug. 1, 2007 at 8:58 PM
Stick with it. Don't let him go over there and explain to your FIL why you are saying this. Tell him he is more than welcome to come and see him at your house. Ask yourself this who is more important your child or your FIL?

by on Aug. 2, 2007 at 9:23 AM
Sometimes when it comes to mothers and sons it is a difficult subject.  I think your husband should be the one to talk to his mom because smoking around an asmatic is not good especially in a child.  My husband is a severe asmatic and I know what smoke does to him so I can imagine what it can do to a 3 year old.  For us, when we first meet people or when my husband first met my family, we worked that he is a asmatic into the conversation immediatly so those who smoked knew that they could not smoke around him.  I know it is a touchy subject when it comes to daughters-in-laws and mothers-in-laws but that is YOUR son and I'm sure if your mother-in-law was in your shoes, she would do anything to protect her son including telling you in a nice way not to smoke around him because he has asthma.  For me, no one comes between me and keeping my son healthy.  Take care.
by on Aug. 2, 2007 at 9:30 AM
That is horrible.  I have a mom who smokes and I told her from the day they came home that if we are at her house and she wants to smoke then all I ask is for her to consider their health and she usually goes outside or something.  Maybe instead of going to their house, invite them over to your house, or just tell her 'hey if you are going to smoke around my son then we are not going to come over' or wee are going to have to leave.  Its not like you are just warning her, she has seen the consequences of her smoking around the baby.  Its very sad that she cannot give up something so minor so that she can spend time with her grandson, it not like you are asking for a whole day, just a few hours or so.  Good luck
by on Aug. 2, 2007 at 10:45 AM
I  think it gose both ways she shouold come see you like you go see her. However I don't think any should bend the rules for anyone. that's just the way I am. How ever you could also say that you won't go over thir because one, you won't come see us . and Two: No every time we are thier he gets sick!
by on Aug. 2, 2007 at 2:25 PM
That is great!! I am so glad to hear that you guys were able to work things out, it's not always easy with in-laws, after 9 years with mine, we are still trying to figure things out with one another.  Live and learn, right?Right! 
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