Grief when you lose a child.......

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My story.......

Jun. 9, 2007 at 5:16 PM by kp4606
posted to Grief when you lose a child.......

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It was 12 yrs ago today. Joshua had a drs appointment because a periodontist wouldn't work on him until he had one. Our pediatrician was quite puzzled as to why Joshua's gums were so swollen--they covered half his teeth. So, being as throrough as he is, he called into Boston to see if anyone knew odd reasons for gums to be so swollen.
Then, without trying to alarm me, he told me to take Joshua to have bloodwork done right away. It was a Friday 12 yrs ago and he told us not to wait the weekend. Well, despite that warning, I almost took us right home cuz it was very late. But, something in my gut told me to get that bloodwork.
We got home around 7:30 that evening and started getting ready for the weekend. We were going to spend the whole weekend at the Air Show. At about 9:45pm, the dr called and told us to go right to Boston Childrens Hospital. He said that some of the blood results were back and there was a possibility he had leukemia. I was shocked.
I called my brother for directions (had never been there before), asked a friend to watch the rest of the kids and headed into Boston. We got there just before midnight and they took us right into an examination room. Finally, a dr pulled my ex and myself out of the room and told us in the middle of the hall that Joshua definitely had leukemia. I was spinning---it couldn't be real. I started yelling at the ER dr and they placed us in another exam room so I could compose myself.
Then, we went back to Joshua. Nurses and drs came in one after the other asking all the same questions and drawing blood. The first time they came in, they said we'd be there a while. The next time they came in they said one of us should go home and get clothes. Then the next time someone came in they said not to plan on leaving anytime soon---he'd be there at least a couple of weeks. We were stunned. Joshua just took everything in stride. I couldn't believe it.

more to come when the tears stop..........

Written by kp4606 on Jun. 9, 2007 at 5:16 PM Send Message

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	by angelmom9783 on Jun. 10, 2007 at 11:29 PM Sometimes the tears just flow, it doesn't matter how long it's been. It's only been about two years since the death of my 21 year old son. When you're ready to continue, I'd like to hear the rest of your story. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Kristine, mom of angel Nicholas ~ forever 21
	by chillbby1 on Oct. 11, 2007 at 11:18 AM It's been four years since my child left this world in my arms. I still remember everyday of the five months my baby boy was in the hospital, he never even got to come home and meet his brother and sister. I can't get it out of my head and I can't get over how powerless I was that day, and that's still all I can think of is I have no power to make sure my other two are okay and so I can protect them. The doctors act like I am making up these horrible anxiety attacks, I'm only 27 they think I am trying to get high when I am just trying to get by. They say what could have possibly have happened to you at such a young age that you have debilatating panic attacks. That's when I asked them have you ever felt the life go out of your child?? As soon as it happenened I knew he was gone I didn't need a doctor or any machine to tell me my handsome little man was gone. It was like I didn't even have my son in my arms anymore he was gone and it was just this empty shell I got share him with for that short and very scary time. I am so so sorry for you I couldn't even finish your story unitl the tears dried up. I can acctually say I know how you feel but I won't tell you it's going to be okay. Can we acctually say that to each other and mean it. You have suffered alot longer than I have does it ever get any easier. In a way though I feel like it must have been worse for you because you had even longer to know you sweet boy. I am soo sorry for you and you and your son will always in my thoughts and heart. Who knows maybe your little angel is holding my little Sebastian's hand now.
	by MKZJRZ on Jul. 9, 2008 at 4:41 PM I know how hard it is to write anything. At this point I cant even write my own daughter a card for her to have. My daughter just passed away in november. I hope you feel better. If you ever need to talk feel free to pm me. My prayers are with you.