This is a book I am writing about my life I know there are errors but I think people should know the truth and people should also know the warning signs for others who are being abused. So heres my story it will bring tears to your eyes just warning you.
By Elizabeth Wazenegger Lee
Chapter 1 (this is only a few things that have happened to me)
I was in the 6th grade and I remember being in a either a shirt and no pant's or a pair of pant's without a shirt on prob. because my mother loved to beat right when I was either getting into the shower or as I was just getting out and sometimes while I was in it. I was in my mother and step father's bedroom with my mother's hand's over my mouth and nose trying to suffocate me. Crying my eye's out I was thinking I was going to die and that if I had more clothes on then I would try to get away and run to my friend's house down the street. which a lot of you are prob. thinking "why didn't you just scream for help or run away for help who cares if your pretty much naked she's trying to kill you?" But see my mother like to put me into a mind state of which at the time I could not get out of.
Whenever I would tell on my mother for the thing's she would do, she always got away with them. Just because children services, the cops or whoever was trying to help me couldn't do anything because I had no proof of what she was doing, despite all the bruises cuts burns and many other wounds. They pretty much had to see it happening or hear it. But anyways my mother always put me into a thought process of thinking everything was my fault and for some reason she could do whatever she wanted. not only that but she made me embarrassed of the things she would do to me. So as I was sitting there forcefully in my mothers lap with her hands over my mouth and nose I just couldn't stop crying. And all she could say was "shut up stop crying" over and over. Everytime I would get out of her grasp she would somehow grab ahold of me again. The look in her eye's it was just so sick it seemed like she was just so full of anger, but also it seemed like she enjoyed watching me twist, turn and struggle to get away. I still wonder and cant get over the thought of what might of happened if she would of killed me. Many thought's run through my mind when I think about it like would I of gone to heaven? when I was a child and didn't know any better I used to day dream about dying and watching everyone suffer who put me through pain, Or if they would even care that I was gone. I wonder if my mother would of killed me that day or any other time for that fact, if it would of been like those cases you see on TV. Where the children go missing and they are found dead. If my mother would of gotten away with it or if she would of gone to jail?
But mostly I always wanted to die to see my brother Brian again and spend time with him. My brother killed himself when I was a child. I don't really remember much of him, and I don't even remember anyone telling me he was gone. All I remember is going to his funereal, and visiting his grave once. I always wanted to go visit him and tell him everything that had happened since he had been gone. I even pictured in my head how it would go, I figured there would be a lot of crying. I never could go see him because my mother didn't believe in visiting grave's. She thought that once you died you died. You would just rot away as time went by. She said there was not a hell, So I never thought that my brother could of gone there. So I always pictured my brother and I in heaven, without any pain to think about just spending time together and having fun.
My brother didn't really have a happy life either he died right before his 14 or 15 birthday. My grandparents told me that they came home and my grandfather found him lying in the basement floor dead because he had shot himself.
I have not really heard much about his life but from what I have heard it seems as if he couldn't take how his life was going.
My mother had him when she was just 17, and I always figured he grew up with her beating him like she did my older brother and I. My brother was also really sick a lot of the time so he was in and out of the medical hospitals. Brian always had to take shots everyday, and couldn't eat the same meat more than once a week or he would get very sick. He also had very bad ashthem something we share along with the allergies, I've also heard that his father didn't want anything to do with him, So he grew up with my father as his step father. Which is not the best as you will find out further in the this book. But that is the story my grandparents told me.
My mother always told me he had been in and out of mental hospitals and that the last time he was in one, my grandparents took him in after he had gotten out. My mother said that my grandparents didn't think he needed the medicine the doctor's had given him so they stopped it, and she told me he had something in his brain that told him to kill himself.
I miss my brother very much, and I wish he was still here. I feel as if he could of protected me in a way. I feel as if he was cheated and I blame my messed family for his short life.
Another memory I have of my mother trying to discipline me is when she tried to burn my hand on the red hot stove top. I don't remember what I had done to make her mad, but we were in the kitchen of our old home. My mother and I were in another one of our fight's that we had on a daily base's. When I saw her turn on the stove, then out of no where my mother grabed my hand and started to place it on the stove, although the stove was not hot yet it still scared me to death. So of course I yanked my hand back. Then like my mother always did she grabbed ahold of me again, and started to shove my hand back to the stove. As I watched the stove get redder and redder, I could feel the heat on my hand. My mother held my hand maybe 6 inch away from the stove top. I could feel the heat from the stove on my hand and as the pain grew all I could do was try to yank my hand away from the top of the stove and out of her grasp. But I failed Every time so I started to yell for my step father in the other room, who was watching tv at the time. But all he had to say was "No Liz you really pissed her off this time". At that point I thought "oh my god he's really going to let her burn my hand!" Then from what I could remember my little brother ran into the kitchen, and then and only then did my step father say in a very calm voice "Alright Mollie knock it off". He said it Like it was some some kind of game that sibling's play with each other, and when the parent's tell them to stop. After my mother tortured me for about another minute to make it seem as if what my step father had no effect to why she was stopping. My mother just simply let go of my hand. And she had that look in her eye like she did every time the look why she was full of anger and she had enjoyed the way she handled the situation. After that I just went to my room and cried. I remember thinking I couldn't wait to see my boyfriend at the time Eric, because I always felt safe when I was with him. I knew if I was with him then my mother couldn't get to me and neither could all the pain that I was feeling. But that was until my mother called the cop's on me saying that I had ran away. My mother and I had gotten into a fight over something and I told her I was going to my Eric's house to cool off. Which Eric lived right down the street. Eric and I were up in his room I was watching tv and he was on the computer, his mother came and told me that the cop's were there and they wanted to see me. Eric and I looked at each other thinking what the heck? We both went downstair's and the police officer told me to come with him. So we got to about midway down the driveway and I asked where he was taking me and he told me " I'm taking you home" I then told him "No! My mom and I are in a fight and she's acting stupid". And I stopped where I was at. Then the police officer and his back up grabbed both my arm's and I told them to get off me. They then slammed me against there car and cuffed me then they put me in the car and took me back home. We arrived at my home and I told the police officer that if he left me there then I was going to kill my parent's. He then looked at me with disbelief, I told him "I'm tired of their crap I'm tired of all the stuff they put me through if you leave me here they will not wake up in the morning!" I remembered my father threatening my mother once and they took him away. So in saying this I knew they would not leave me there. That is the first and only time I went to jail.
From before I can remember to the time I was 13 year's I was sexually abused by my older brother jon. I can remember thinking when I was younger and didn't know any better that I thought everyone had that done to them. My mother isolated my family so much I didn't know what other families did, and how they ran. But I do remember that I didn't like it at all. I used to beg my brother to stop and he would just hit me. I would tell him that I was going to tell on him for hitting me and hurting me, and he would just say he was going to tell on me for doing thing's that all little kid's did, like breaking a toy or something. So I would never tell on him. I was so scared of my mother when she got mad that I didn't want to get into trouble, So I never dared to tell on him in fear that I would get beat. I did get the gut's to tell on him two time's through. The first time my mother swears up and down that I never told her. But I remember getting in trouble for something my brother did, and I was so mad at him for it. So I told my mother one of the sick thing's my brother would do to me for his sick twisted pleasure. My mother came and talked to me the next day and said she asked him about it and he had denied it. She then just left it at that and never spoke of it again, until I told on my brother again.
I was in the hospital around the age of 14-15 for trying to kill myself, which I'm sure many of you could understand why I would of wanted to. Well while I was in there they asked me a number of Q. One of them being have you ever been sexually abused. I then just broke down and started crying. The doctor just placed her hand on my back and gave me a hug and asked me to tell her who had done it. I remember I could barely get the words to come out of my mouth. I just kept thinking I have kept this secret in for so long I had just learn to deal with it. It was like in a way I had sorta just forgotten about it, placed it in the back of my mind as best I could. So when this doctor had asked me this Q. Which was just such a simple Q. But was so hard to answer. I could hardly bare it I tried so hard to just keep the tears from coming, it had seemed like it only made it worse. All I could say was "my brother". Then the lady said it would be ok and left the room. Later on they had sent in a couple of other people to talk to me about it. It was like they had a team of people where all they did was take care of sexually abused people who had come in. It was sad to think that they had to have a team to deal with all the people who came into that hospital who had been hurt by sick twisted people. After I had been set up in my room I had asked the doctor not to let my mother and step father in the room. Because it was their actions and words that had pushed me over the edge that had gotten me in that hospital in the first place. Well they didn't listen to me while I was laying on the bed in they walked along with a doctor. My mother then tried to say that I had never told her in the past about what my brother had done, and that if I had she would of done something about it since she had been sexually abused as a child. I didn't believe one word she said. My mother was just trying to get away with the stupid crap she had done and the poor lame excuse of a mother she had been. While she was saying all this she was crying and all her tears did was make me even madder at her. She was sitting there trying to take something about me and turn it into something about her. I looked over at the doctor and I could see in her face that she was buying into my mothers crap. Which made me mad and not want to open up to this doctor.
If you seriously read this whole thing. Then thank you and please please let me knwo what you think.
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