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Boys & Respect

Posted by on Oct. 12, 2011 at 3:39 PM
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 I have two boys ages 8 & 7.

I have been going through such a time with them to the point of exhaustion.

When we are at church or the store, etc. I always hear people tell me how helpful & loving they are, especially with other children who are younger. (I have a 5 year old daughter so they are used to being caring.)

However, I feel they can be so disrespectful towards me. They will do what others say in a hearbeat but if I tell them to do something, I have to repeat myself so many times before they listen. And many times they will have a meltdown like it's a two-year old tantrum all over again. They are too old to be doing that and I am so fed up.

Of course if DH is home they're fine, they know to respect him.  But he gets upset to hear they've given me a hard time while he's at work.  He reminds them that all he expects of them to respect me.

We have tried different things to prevent, avoid, change that behavior.

We have taken away their toys to the point they have NONE to play with, but then they play wrestle & superheroes with each other.

We have had them write about their behavior & how they can improve it.

We are Christian so we've continuously emphasized the Bible's "Honor your Father & Mother..." & we do daily Bible study that will teach them lessons on obedience, honesty, trust, respect, etc.

I have a high tolerance, am patient & give them chance after chance.  But it's almost as though nothing works until I'm angry/frustrated and having to yell/talk loudly that it scares them straight for just a moment.  Even with that, they'll have a serious face for a minute until they glance at each other and start laughing.  Like they get a kick out of seeing me at my wits end!

I am at a loss on what will work effectively & quickly! I know it takes 21-28 days to form a habit, but I'm needing something that will help me in 21 minutes at least. lol.  I'm able to maintain my sense of humor because I know I can't be the only one going through this. Right?

I have other friends raising boys as well going through similar, and they have said tough love works best.

But what can I do to get through to them?!

Has anyone gone through this? What have you tried? What has worked?

Any advice is sincerely appreciated.

Thanks in advance.


by on Oct. 12, 2011 at 3:39 PM
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by Member on Oct. 12, 2011 at 3:58 PM

I wish I had some words of wisdom, but I can offer a great big cyber {{{hug}}}.

My two do the same with me.  They are at home with me all day long.  I home school them and only work on the weekends, so mine test me as well. 

I, like you, find my self 'snapping' just to get louder than they are. I had my husband talk to my older one just yesterday.  Today, has been somewhat better, but I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

I hope that you get an answer that maybe we can both use. LOL.  

by on Oct. 12, 2011 at 5:42 PM
Wow, I homeschool too! How old are your boys? Sometimes I wonder if it's because they're with me too much? But they've gone to regular school before, we only started homeshooling in Feb this year. I can't even think if their behavior has improved, gotten worse or if it's just the same.
I hear other moms say they go through the similar with their sons. Then I see other moms whose boy are so respectful and well-mannered.
I notice by afternoon they're a bit better, like just a bit ago my 7 year old was helping with starting dinner and my 8 year old sat to read to my daughter, but I'm almost sure it's because they're hoping I forget about their morning behavior and will reward them some way with playing a game, going to the park, watching a movie after dinner etc. They dedinitely know what they're doing! LOL
I do hope someone can share tips that will help us both. ;)
Thanks for taking the time to read & reply. :)
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by Member on Oct. 12, 2011 at 7:39 PM

My boys are 9 and 4. I have an added problem in that the 9 year old tried to discipline the younger one.  I guess because I'm not adequately doing it, IDK.

I thought it was because they were with me too much, too.  I'm not sure.  


by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 4:52 PM
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by on Feb. 19, 2012 at 8:33 AM
Well, it's been some time since my initial post and I believe I've seen some improvement, however slight it may be.
I've had to be firm, be tough, follow through and show consistency.
They need clear boundaries and clear consequences. So far it's going well.
I'm taking it one day at a time! ;)
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by Member on Jun. 13, 2012 at 4:32 PM

 hugs , im in the same boat as you, good luck .

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