Hey everyone. I am new to the group. I am not the person who had the surgery, my Dad is. He was a preacher for 12 years when he had the surgery. A year after gbp he began changing. He began drinking heavily and abusing prescription meds. His personality completely altered. He stopped enjoying outdoor activities, grilling out, yard work, etc. He became very negative and hurtful. He was no longer the funny guy everyone wanted to be around. Eventually his drinking and meds spilled over into our chruch, and he was fired. After 3 years of trying to get him help, he and my mother seperated. They have been seperated almost a year now. I took him into my own home, in hopes that I could help him with whatever it was that was haunting him. Then one night, my children woke up to the sound of me and my husband trying to help him into the house. He was so drunk he couldnt make it up the front porch steps. They were terrified. I soon had to ask him to leave. He has been living with his sister for the past 9 months. Last week I received a call that he had been missing for 3 days. It turns out he had totalled my Uncle's truck, and was arrested for DUI. He had been sitting in jail, too embarrased to call anyone. After being bailed out of jail, we hadnt heard from him until yesterday. He finally told us what he was struggling with. He is gay. He says that he hasnt always been this way. The feelings started not long after the weight started coming off. He said the drinking and pills were his way of coping with the feelings he was having. He says he feels a weight has been taken off of him now that he has told us all, and he is hoping that he can finally move on with his life, instead of drinking it away.
The fact that he is gay is not where I am struggling. To be honest, I am relieved to atleast know that this self destructive behavior actually has some reason behind it. I was so afraid that there were no answers, and we were going to find him in a ditch dead somewhere.
Has anyone else had this experience? Or know of someone who has? And, what on earth can I say to my Mom that will offer her some kind of solace in this difficult time? I know it has to be devestating to her, they were married 25 years. And, is this the end of the emotional rollercoaster for him, or is this just the beginning? Is this the answer he has been looking for, or is he going to continue changing and and struggling to find himself bc of more body changes down the road?
And guys, pls dont attack me on anything I that I have said. All of this happened YESTERDAY.
I recommend counseling for ur mother to help her deal with all that has happened that wasnt her fault. He also needs to see a therapist n attend AA. Because he has shown he is unable to deal with these issues by himself he needs these thongs to help him thru these hurdles or he will revert to one addict or another to escape these problems. I wish u n ur family the best n hope ur mom n dad get the help they desperately need.
Quoting fairymaid23:
Before the surgery he was using food and his weight as a shield to not deal with the fact that he is gay. B4 surgery his addiction was food but after he no longer had that. So he moved on to booze n pills cuz he couldnt deal wit his demons. That happens to ppl after weightloss surgery cuz that addiction is taken away n u must use other tools to deal with the issues that made u morbidly obese in the 1st place. If u cant cope ppl turn to drugs, alcohol n sometimes back to food to hide behind.
I recommend counseling for ur mother to help her deal with all that has happened that wasnt her fault. He also needs to see a therapist n attend AA. Because he has shown he is unable to deal with these issues by himself he needs these thongs to help him thru these hurdles or he will revert to one addict or another to escape these problems. I wish u n ur family the best n hope ur mom n dad get the help they desperately need.
fairymaid, this is great information for the OP, I couldn't have said it better myself.
Regret
- suthernblossum
on Jan. 23, 2012 at 11:00 AM