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Battered and feeling all alone

Posted by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 7:00 AM
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I've been married for the past 13 years to a man that claims to be a Christian. He has battered me spiritually, emotionally, financially, verbally......but never hit me. He has made me and my two little girls live without heat in the snow, hot water, food, car, money, clothing, even without a toilet. He tells everyone he knows horrible untrue stories about me while he keeps us isolated and cutoff from family and friends.  Are there any verses that say that I have to stay with this man? Am I in sin to leave him to heal and to give a better life to my girls? What choices do I have? Thanks for any verses and info on this difficult subject.

Lisa

by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 7:00 AM
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JLynn0871
by New Member on Jun. 27, 2010 at 7:56 AM

Is this due to financial situation?  Or does he deliberately do this to you and the girls? 

Isolation is a huge word to use and can be perceived in alot of ways.  Describe more as to what this is like. 

Are you making any changes to better the situation?

Pray for him and put him at the thrown of God.  Saturate your family with prayers. 

I will check back this afternoon and see your reply.

Praying or you sweety!

Lisa424816
by New Member on Jun. 27, 2010 at 6:17 PM

I'm not sure what you meant if it was deliberate...yes, he deliberately does all of what I said. He has no conviction in his heart that he does anything wrong. He has never taken responsibility for anything either...previous relationships, loss of job, etc......everything is someone else's fault. He lies to people because he's afraid if they know the truth, they won't want to be his friend. He likes drama and attention any way he can get it. Financially, he's the only one working. I've been trying to get a job for over 2 yrs., gone to job agencies, friends, listings, internet, even tried to go back to school to update skills. But he doesn't want me to leave so he finds ways...won't let me buy books, tampers with car so I'm stranded, etc. There is just sooooooo much. I've looked out of my county cuz it is extremely small. I've talked to women's organizations...because he doesn't hit, there really isn't a whole lot anyone can do but offer info of places to move. Nowadays, you can't move unless you have a job or decent credit, or wait on a list for sometimes years. I know about welfare, welfare-to-work programs, social security, etc. Social Services told me there is nothing they can do for me until I no longer live with him. I've asked him to move out and separate til he gets some help and I can start healing.  If I file divorce papers, I will be the one that has to move out because he won't leave and he didn't put me on the lease.  If I move out, I have no where to go. I have no family around here. I can cover myself financially but because of what he did to my credit, no one I've found yet is willing to let me move in. At the women's organization in my area, they feel he is a threat once I leave...so that has caused me to be more careful. He is very unstable emotionally and is prone to rages, tears, laughter, etc in short amounts of time. I've tried for years to talk to him, pray, get counsel, it's useless. He doesn't feel there is anything wrong with him.

JLynn0871
by New Member on Jun. 27, 2010 at 9:40 PM

It seems that you are in a place that is not a great place to be.  Although I do not agree with divorce maybe separation from him will let him realize a few things?  If you are that miserable I would get out.  You have to make change to see change.  I know all of this sounds very contridicting but you have 2 options, stay or leave.  It seems it will be miserable either way so take that thought and see which one has a better outcome.  Or for better words, a light at the end of the tunnel. 

I have been there in your shoes trust me it is not a fun  place I know.

Quoting Lisa424816:

I'm not sure what you meant if it was deliberate...yes, he deliberately does all of what I said. He has no conviction in his heart that he does anything wrong. He has never taken responsibility for anything either...previous relationships, loss of job, etc......everything is someone else's fault. He lies to people because he's afraid if they know the truth, they won't want to be his friend. He likes drama and attention any way he can get it. Financially, he's the only one working. I've been trying to get a job for over 2 yrs., gone to job agencies, friends, listings, internet, even tried to go back to school to update skills. But he doesn't want me to leave so he finds ways...won't let me buy books, tampers with car so I'm stranded, etc. There is just sooooooo much. I've looked out of my county cuz it is extremely small. I've talked to women's organizations...because he doesn't hit, there really isn't a whole lot anyone can do but offer info of places to move. Nowadays, you can't move unless you have a job or decent credit, or wait on a list for sometimes years. I know about welfare, welfare-to-work programs, social security, etc. Social Services told me there is nothing they can do for me until I no longer live with him. I've asked him to move out and separate til he gets some help and I can start healing.  If I file divorce papers, I will be the one that has to move out because he won't leave and he didn't put me on the lease.  If I move out, I have no where to go. I have no family around here. I can cover myself financially but because of what he did to my credit, no one I've found yet is willing to let me move in. At the women's organization in my area, they feel he is a threat once I leave...so that has caused me to be more careful. He is very unstable emotionally and is prone to rages, tears, laughter, etc in short amounts of time. I've tried for years to talk to him, pray, get counsel, it's useless. He doesn't feel there is anything wrong with him.


kaismom1013
by New Member on Jun. 28, 2010 at 7:38 AM
How are things going? Any changes? I'm praying for you and my heart goes out to you. Btw what town are you from?
Maybe I can help you find a place until he can get his act together. I too do not believe in divorce and neither does God, but you can seperate yourself and your girls for your safety. Read 1 corinthians 7.



Quoting Lisa424816:

I've been married for the past 13 years to a man that claims to be a Christian. He has battered me spiritually, emotionally, financially, verbally......but never hit me. He has made me and my two little girls live without heat in the snow, hot water, food, car, money, clothing, even without a toilet. He tells everyone he knows horrible untrue stories about me while he keeps us isolated and cutoff from family and friends.  Are there any verses that say that I have to stay with this man? Am I in sin to leave him to heal and to give a better life to my girls? What choices do I have? Thanks for any verses and info on this difficult subject.


Lisa


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bizebe
by Member on Sep. 23, 2010 at 5:01 PM
1 mom liked this

Im so sorry hun your going through this . I dont know you ,but  feel like I do because i have lived it exactly what you are going thru . My husband is same way & weve been married for 6 yrs. In that time it feels like a roller coaster ride . There either up or there down & guess who gets blunt of everything? We do! So I would say if you feel your life or your kids lives are in danger I do not think you are sinning by getting out of it. I feel as women god holds us accountable for our kids & our safety & men like this rarely ever change unless they are willing to accept and take responsiblity for there abuse & behavoiur ,but how can they change something they wont own ? Abusers are so good at  blaming others its a cycle . No women deserves this treatment & I dont feel god would love you any less if you were to up and leave. So I would say yes get out of it!  I have had things get so bad with my husband that I just told lord hes all yours. I cant do it anymore if he doesnt change Im going to have to leave lord I cant live this way anymore & I have prayed alot for my husband , since few yrs ago hes improved ,but it wasnt overnight. I had to stand up for myself alot letting him know I was NOt going to take his abuse anymore & if he put me thru anymore me & my kids were gone. He has made effort to change & work on himself,cause he says he loves me ,but would I do it again? NO!! I wished I had left him a long time ago ,cause I have felt from all Ive gone thru with him like that part of my life was a waste & women can only take so much before you start to feel like your breaking under all  of it ,not to mention that our kids deserve us to be best mothers we can be for them ,but I still struggle with aftermath of abuse hes put me thru even though a lot of it has stopped & were closer now that we ever were before . Im just now  in process of working on myself & building up my self asteem praying god will restore what was lost & make me strong,confident like I once was before honeymoon cycle began or before abuse ever started ,but  abusers sweety do not LOVE.  I have learned soooo much about it & have learned of what love is & what is is not & abuse isnt love! If as women we are to get anything we need to get that & understand that abuse only destroys & tears down,but love heals & builds up!  So  know you deserve better just like I do & we need to love ourselves . I would also say continue to pray for him if you choose to leave it never hurts ! If you ever need to talk I am here!  I will be praying for you!

The verse I would share with you would be in 1 Cor 13: 4-7 Love IS patient & kind,not harsh,rude or easily angered . Thinks no evil ,but rejoices with the truth!

Anjelica1
by on Jun. 14, 2011 at 1:26 PM
1 mom liked this

Do you have a pastor?  and did you go to him for council on this issue? and if so what was his advice?


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