June 25th, 2008

Thanks for posting this,

I don't know if it was PMS that triggered it but all of the old stuff that used to feed my pain body (before I read the book) came back with a vengeance, and shockingly enough it was the same time my mom was in town.

She feeds these ideas to me that I know are not her speaking, just her pain body needing a fix...I have to quickly dismiss her outlandish thoughts and ideas so she (and I) doesn't get carried away with it.  Then I found myself in my head again, letting my thoughts control me, identifying with them, the works. I kept thinking "Be present" but it wasn't happening...I just couldn't do it. I felt so "off"...it was terrible. Like I just wanted to crawl into a corner. I went to pull into the driveway of school thinking there would be a way I could get in, despite the monster ground digging construction truck right in the way. I pulled in BEHIND IT. It was like 10 times the size of my car. I was stuck, I tried quickly backing out, while construction guys are yelling me to get out of there, and me terrified thinking if this thing backs up, I'm toast. that's it. I got out, I was fine, but really shaken up. That same night still in my "funk" I was in class, (I'm the only student in my part time class, I have 2 instructors) and was having terrible chest pain, I thought I was having a heart attack, voices were going in and out, I felt like I couldn't breathe, and I felt really funny. I stopped my instructors while they were talking and told them what was going on. They were trying to calm me down, and just talk to me. It worked, I felt better, they told me I should probably go see a doc to get checked out. (I have yet to do that) I was on my way home and I was in an outer turn lane, waiting to get on the freeway. the car in front of me decided to get out of the turn lane and I tried to inch up to fill the gap. All the while thinking of what I would say to my fiance when I got home. All of a sudden I hear this loud HONK and there was a SUV next to me that thought I was going to pull in her lane or something, I wasn't, but it probably looked like it, I was just going like 6 inches around the car that moved lanes. Not in her lane. I was all shaken up about the whole day, the whole way home I was thinking about that situation, when I remembered the duck story....ahhh...

That was when I decided that when I got home, I'm picking up the book and reading. No matter what. Here I am, refreshed, ready to get back to my happy, present, pain-body less self.  Flap your wings ladies... 
:)

It took me a moment to remember the duck story. That is so great that you were able to connect with that story! I need to learn how to just release the energy and move on after a conflict. I tend to continue the fight long after the other duck has flown away. LOL. It takes practice. Keep it up!