Guidelines for Group Members

1) Respect.   Part of support is respect. Respect for ourselves and for each other. For this reason, members are asked to refrain from using terms coined and promoted by the adoption industry in order to denigrate and demean us. Specifically, this means the term "birth mother" which was created to mean that we are not mothers but solely incubators, with no love and no connection with our child after the surrender of our child to adoption. We know that this is NOT the truth.

2) Support, Education, Information, Resources.  This is the mandate.  Please support one another and share resources and information. 

3) Support for Natural Mothers.  If you have lost a baby to adoption you will find support here.  In this group you can find support for dealing with the pain, trauma, loss and grief, and other devastating consequences.   Our members are at all stages:   Some have lost their babies within the last year, while for others it has been 40 or more years.  All ages, all experiences.

4) Support for Expectant Mothers.  After having lost their own babies to adoption and knowing the consequences, most members believe strongly in family preservation.    If you are considering surrendering your child for adoption, please know that there are mothers here who have walked this path for 10, 20, 30 or more years. We know the unending pain and loss that it entails, and you won't find people encouraging you to surrender your baby, but who believe adoption is a LAST resort. You will find people who want to support and encourage you to be a hands-on mother, people who believe in you and your ability to be a great mother you your baby, no matter what your age or your situation.  We will encourage you and help you find all the resources you need in order to do so.  If you really DO feel you have to surrender your baby for adoption, we'll help you explore those reasons. Adoption is often a permanent "solution" to a temporary problem.  

There were only six infant adoptions in the whole of Australia in 2004 -- so why tens of thousands per year in the U.S.? Likely the adoption of your baby would be totally unnecessary if you are given support and resources.

5)  Education about Adoption Trauma.  Feel free to post articles about the psychological damage that is done to mothers when they lose their babies to adoption. The information that adoption agencies and adoption lawyers withhold from mothers.

6) Education about Coercion.  Feel free to post articles about the coercion that mothers may face when they are pregnant and that is designed to force or persuade them to surrender their babies. There are over 40 infertile couples waiting for every healthy white infant, so consumer demand and that fact that agencies make from $10,000 to $75,000 for each healthy white infant, makes adoption agencies and lawyers very unsafe places for expectant mothers to go. The bottom line is, they need you to surrender your baby so they can stay in business.

 These guidelines will be amended and adjusted as time goes on.  Please feel free to give suggestions.

 7) Prospective Members.  This is a support group for natural mothers.  If you are an adoptee who is searching and who supports natural mothers, your application may be approved.  If you are adopting or have adopted a child and intend to tell us how "wrong" we are, your application will NOT be approved.  We are not here to debate adoption with you.