My aspie son was suspended from school.(long)

[ASDMom1130]

All year my 9 yr old son was having trouble with the prinicipal and his teacher. I was told at the beginning of the school year that they understood what was needed to help him excel in his studies. I received many phone calls over the school year about something that he has done in class or said in class. Finally, the prinicipal got what she wanted when he acted out a "sex act" in front of a little girl(it included a pencil and his genital area). He never touched the girl and didn't say anything to her but he was suspended for sexual harassment.

Now I understand that what he did was wrong (and he said that he knows it was wrong) but we have to deal with this same prinicipal this next year (changing schools not option). They are not open to learning about Aspies or the other spectrum children, I've been told that "we have taken all the classes."

Does anyone have any suggestions that would possibly make this better?

[gccmom]

is he in reg ed or special edd.

[EveryoneReading]

I'm so sorry that you have such an uphill battle to get your son's principal educated about Asperger's. 

It's lovely that she "took ALL the classes." (She must have missed the one where they explained that you don't suspend a child for non-wilful behavior resulting from a disability.)  I'm sure that "ALL the classes" means one class, or perhaps part of one class on disabilities.  Sounds like she resented every second she spent there. 

We parents attend conferences; read books, websites, and everything else we can get our hands on; talk with school psychologists and other experts; go to support groups; and STILL don't  know all there is to know about Asperger's.  But she does?  And, as someone in this group has said, quoting someone else, "When you've met one person with Asperger's, you've met one person with Asperger's."  Meaning that each person with Asperger's is different. No single class can prepare a teacher or principal for each unique child.

Does your son have an IEP?  If not, he needs one.  Start your reading at www.wrightslaw.com. 

You may also wish to consider having a consultation with a special education attorney.  See www.copaa.org for information on this, or call your local bar association.  Very few attorneys specialize in this area of the law, so don't go to your neighbor who is a lawyer or your cousin's best friend who is a lawyer.  Find the RIGHT lawyer who SPECIALIZES in education law.  You may also wish to have the attorney accompany you to  the IEP meeting. You are entitled to do that under federal law. 

My 16-year-old child with AS is in a challenging "regular" private high school which is not accustomed to children with AS.  This past year, early in the school year, after a classroom meltdown (which could easily have been avoided had the teacher understood AS), resulting in my child's first-ever trip to the dean's office, I asked for a conference with the dean, academic counselor, and all my child's teachers.  I made it short.  I explained briefly what AS was, passed out teacher-friendly articles with suggestions for teaching children with AS in mainstream classrooms, and then gave each a chart I had prepared, listing my particular child's strengths and weaknesses.  That way, the teachers  understood why he was disorganized, or why he seemed to be talking back to a teacher (because he didn't understand the social rules about the different ways you address a teacher and a fellow student), etc.  I mentioned successful individuals with AS (including, as you likely know, the world's richest man) and emphasized that my child was a very gifted student whose later-in-life work could be expected to  be a credit to the school.  I assured them that my child every year ADORED his teachers (that is true), thanked them for helping my child expand his horizons, and offered all manner of contact information so they could always contact me on a moment's notice.  That really helped this year.  I plan to do that again next year.

Since your principal will be reluctant to do this, I would put my dated request in writing to her.  And start the  IEP process.  Don't delay, as school systems often violate the time standards set by law for IEPs, and time is key for our children.

[ASDMom1130]

Quoting EveryoneReading:

I'm so sorry that you have such an uphill battle to get your son's principal educated about Asperger's. 

It's lovely that she "took ALL the classes." (She must have missed the one where they explained that you don't suspend a child for non-wilful behavior resulting from a disability.)  I'm sure that "ALL the classes" means one class, or perhaps part of one class on disabilities.  Sounds like she resented every second she spent there. 

We parents attend conferences; read books, websites, and everything else we can get our hands on; talk with school psychologists and other experts; go to support groups; and STILL don't  know all there is to know about Asperger's.  But she does?  And, as someone in this group has said, quoting someone else, "When you've met one person with Asperger's, you've met one person with Asperger's."  Meaning that each person with Asperger's is different. No single class can prepare a teacher or principal for each unique child.

Does your son have an IEP?  If not, he needs one.  Start your reading at www.wrightslaw.com. 

You may also wish to consider having a consultation with a special education attorney.  See www.copaa.org for information on this, or call your local bar association.  Very few attorneys specialize in this area of the law, so don't go to your neighbor who is a lawyer or your cousin's best friend who is a lawyer.  Find the RIGHT lawyer who SPECIALIZES in education law.  You may also wish to have the attorney accompany you to  the IEP meeting. You are entitled to do that under federal law. 

My 16-year-old child with AS is in a challenging "regular" private high school which is not accustomed to children with AS.  This past year, early in the school year, after a classroom meltdown (which could easily have been avoided had the teacher understood AS), resulting in my child's first-ever trip to the dean's office, I asked for a conference with the dean, academic counselor, and all my child's teachers.  I made it short.  I explained briefly what AS was, passed out teacher-friendly articles with suggestions for teaching children with AS in mainstream classrooms, and then gave each a chart I had prepared, listing my particular child's strengths and weaknesses.  That way, the teachers  understood why he was disorganized, or why he seemed to be talking back to a teacher (because he didn't understand the social rules about the different ways you address a teacher and a fellow student), etc.  I mentioned successful individuals with AS (including, as you likely know, the world's richest man) and emphasized that my child was a very gifted student whose later-in-life work could be expected to  be a credit to the school.  I assured them that my child every year ADORED his teachers (that is true), thanked them for helping my child expand his horizons, and offered all manner of contact information so they could always contact me on a moment's notice.  That really helped this year.  I plan to do that again next year.

Since your principal will be reluctant to do this, I would put my dated request in writing to her.  And start the  IEP process.  Don't delay, as school systems often violate the time standards set by law for IEPs, and time is key for our children.

I have asked 3 times for an IEP , I was told that since he is not failing the "BOE" won't do that. Thank you so much for the extra info. bc know I have all my "ducks in a row" and I will be fully prepared when school starts back. My son is in a regular class bc he is an honor roll student but just lacks all the skills needed. Again, thank you and God bless!

[ASDMom1130]

Quoting Doogatyee:

if it was a NT child that that did this, what would you do??   

  If your sons knows it was wrong- wouldn't it be in hi s best interest to let him learn the consequences of his behaviour???

By getting mad or upset with the principal isn't this only showing your son that he can do what he wants.   Asperger's isn't an excuse for unacceptable behaviour, it's more a doorway for change to take place in learning styles.   maybe your child learns from consequences - to every action their is an equal or opposite reaction??

What do YOU find acceptable behaviour to look like.


maybe next year you can listen to what the teachers recommend.   maybe they are viewing your child as the same standards as everyone else, but accept that he learns different- there fore felt he might learn that he can't  act out "a sex act" and think that it's okay.   It's not.   If you don't find this offensive, then that needs to be addressed.   But what about the little girl and her family???  Maybe this really upset her, how about her feelings?  

If you want your son to grow up and think his asperger's is a DIS-ability- keeping saving him.  Otherwise keep teaching him acceptable behaviors and continue to work WITH the school, and keep an open mind they may have some great suggestions.

I am not intending to offend or make you angry.    I have a habit of bringing a DIFFERENT view and DIFFERENT solution, sometimes a bluntly honest opinion.   I tend to eat sugary foods rather than use sugar on my words.  But then i also have Asperger's so people shouldn't  get angry at me! (that's bad humor, i know!)


Good luck,  I truly wish you all the best.  Only you can decide what will bring out the best in your child.

I wanted to say thank you for giving your opinion on this situation. My son has not been told that he has Asperger's, he knows that he is different from everyone else and he is ok with that. I am not trying to give him an excuse for the bad behavior bc he had consequences to deal with when he got home for this. My only concern is that this prinicipal doesn't have all the information that she needs and seems to be unwilling to hear anything else. She "lumps" all disabilities into the same pot and it gets really annoying. This is not the first run in that we had with her. About 2 yrs ago, this same child walked out of school (unattended) and I found him a mile from home. The school and the staff didn't know that he was gone. So since then (I turned the Prinicipal into the BOE for this) she has not liked my son. I am doing my best to make sure that he is ok.

[EveryoneReading]

The law does not require that your son fail in order to receive special education services. 

Read Wrightslaw at www.wrightslaw.com and confer with a special education attorney. 

Even if it is not your nature to challenge authority, your child needs you to become educated on these issues and to be politely but firmly assertive so that he obtains necessary services.  He needs you to help him. 

[durtired66]

Hi I wish I did have an answer for you.  We are going through somewhat of the same thing. The teachers/school says that "they can handle it, they know what they are doing" uh ok then why is it my sone can not get through the day with out problems & I am afraid to answer the phone while he is there?  It is jsut so unfair to our kids!

So this school year we are going to try home schooling, it is through  www.k12.com   we are doing the cirtual on line public school.  I have faith in this.  As parents of these beautiful unique children, we do not have alot of options (so my sons therapist says & I believe him) fight with the regular public schools on an almost dailey basis, private school (which is just way too out of the price) or home school.  So I am going to give this virtual school a try. Worst thing is it doesn't work & we are right back where we started.

Best of luck to you!!
Hugs,
Doris

[durtired66]

Yes agreed all kids should have an IEP, well almost all, mainly those that are in need of anytype of special help.  But as parents we do the best that we can with the skills we have, and teachers unless they actually have a child like ours they are mostly clueless, books told them how to take care of these kids.  But when you have one, then you get hands on,  on the job training.  My son was suspended for a very similar act when he was in 2nd grade, an the school covered their booty by having a clause in the papers that said something to the effect that even special ed children, .....

So I know we all get frustrated & sometimes on a daily basis, but lets not be to hard on eachother.  After all we do the best we can as parents & we were given this job not ask "do you mind if your child has problems..."   

[MamaWorking]

I sort of had the same issue with my son , a year before they diagnosed him. They kicked him out of school the first week. What I don't understand is that they know my child, and other children have a problem or need help and their solution is to just get rid of the kid or transfer him to a "special school"  or better yet MEDS. I'd rather not have my son be a zombie. and sleep all the time. AMAZINGLY all it took for my son was a different teacher. The teacher he had before was new and just let him sit in the corner all day playing. And even LOST my son in the school. They found him naked in the girls room. He allot of the times like to show off his goods. Then of course they pulled the red flag asking me if he'd ever been abused, No !! My kid is just proud of his stuff and feels the whole world needs to see it,  they went so far to take my son's picture while he was stuck in a small trashcan and put that picture in his file. I can't get it removed either. That was 2 years ago.

So with the struggle with the school system ONLY then ONLY when I had a diagnose is when I got help, they kissed my butt. But I still have issues with the way he was treated and how the school still gives kids and parents hard times. I understand you can have a kid pulling down his paints and or peeing out on the playground but THEY don't understand that this is part of it.

My son will be in 1st grade this year(he did kindergarten twice) and I'm nervous about how the year will play out, I'm still new to all the wrights and I'm sure there have been some of my child's rights crossed. I have an IEP and a committee of people that act like they want to help,

I think schools need to start teaching teachers how to feel compassion to the kids that are branded the "bad kids"

anyways, that's my venting story, there s more but. I would have to wright a book.

[EveryoneReading]

MamaWorking: A suggestion: At the start of the next school year (even before, if it can be arranged), have a short, friendly meeting with your child's teacher where you share your child's diagnosis, explain briefly what it is, provide some short, teacher-friendly materials on Asperger's (like this one at www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/teachers_guide.html) and give him/her a chart explaining your son's strengths and weaknesses................................. My son's chart, under strengths, listed: "Like other children with AS, my son will not lie. He values truth, fairness, and justice."............................... Under weaknesses, I listed: "He does not understand the concept of a 'white lie,' and therefore may answer questions truthfully but undiplomatically." .............................. Under strengths, I listed, "Loves all learning. Loves conversing one-on-one with an adult. Has never had a teacher he didn't adore." .................................... Under weaknesses, I listed, "Does not grasp differences in status and authority, and may therefore respond to an adult just as he would a child. If he appears insolent, please understand that he is simply responding candidly and without the deference that others would understand is due to you as his teacher. This is not wilful behavior on his part."