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DO YOU?

Posted by on Apr. 6, 2008 at 11:00 AM
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 DO YOU GET TIRED OF TAKING YOUR MEDS?

 DO YOU FEEL LIKE PPL WALK ON EGGSHELLS AROUND YOU?

DOES IT MAKE YOU ANGRY WHEN SOMEONE SAY???? DONT GET UPSET YOU COULD HAVE A SEIZURE..

DO YOU EVER GET... WELL LIKE
WHY ME??????????????

MY ANWERS ARE


YES WHEN ITS TIME TO TAKE THEM I GET PISSY.....LOL

YES THEY DO IT PISSES ME OFF.

NOTHING MAKES ME MADDER THEN THAT ONE... LIKE I WILL FALL APART IF I CRY OR GET MAD.... PLZ GIVE ME A BREAK..

YES I THROW A PITY PARTY FOR MYSELF ATLEAST 1 A WEEK... REALLY I DO....LMAO  KINDA SAD HUH???
by on Apr. 6, 2008 at 11:00 AM
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jimmyswife211
by Member on Apr. 7, 2008 at 11:22 AM
I set my cell phone alarms so that I never miss a dose of my meds.  I get soooo pissy when they go off....it's just another reminder that my life is NEVER going to be normal again.  That I have this JACKASS of a disease living in my mind.  And then, I get even pissier, when my husband goes, "I have to take meds too"!!!!  SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!   LoL!!!!  I don't care....it's about me at the moment....  


I get self-conscience and upset when someone tells me not get upset because I'll have a seizure.   Because then it's like all eyes are on me AGAIN.  It's like I can't even express myself without someone worrying about me....I can't be me anymore. 

I don't do the why me....I do the why did I have to do this to my husband.  And that upsets me more.  I feel like he could be with someone that makes his life so much fuller and happier and better.  I hate that he is stuck with a sick wife.  I hate that he cries with me when I get upset because my seizures effect my memories and I forget something that I was looking forward to-and I breakdown.  I feel like I am the burden on him-and that he is too good of a man to cut ties and walk away from it. That's my pity party.

Monique
lostmoma
by on Apr. 7, 2008 at 10:02 PM
OMG SO ME.......
Quoting jimmyswife211:

I set my cell phone alarms so that I never miss a dose of my meds.  I get soooo pissy when they go off....it's just another reminder that my life is NEVER going to be normal again.  That I have this JACKASS of a disease living in my mind.  And then, I get even pissier, when my husband goes, "I have to take meds too"!!!!  SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!   LoL!!!!  I don't care....it's about me at the moment....  


I get self-conscience and upset when someone tells me not get upset because I'll have a seizure.   Because then it's like all eyes are on me AGAIN.  It's like I can't even express myself without someone worrying about me....I can't be me anymore. 

I don't do the why me....I do the why did I have to do this to my husband.  And that upsets me more.  I feel like he could be with someone that makes his life so much fuller and happier and better.  I hate that he is stuck with a sick wife.  I hate that he cries with me when I get upset because my seizures effect my memories and I forget something that I was looking forward to-and I breakdown.  I feel like I am the burden on him-and that he is too good of a man to cut ties and walk away from it. That's my pity party.

Monique
jimmyswife211
by Member on Apr. 9, 2008 at 1:11 PM
It's crazy isn't it?! 

To go from "I'm all alone and acting like a child....that NO ONE could possible be dealing with this as bad as I am"......

To finding out that we are TOTALLY just like everyone else!!!  LoL!!!

We aren't alone. ok, so maybe we still act like children (lol), but that we act and deal with this like the humans that we are!!!

I think sometimes that I couldn't act worse if I was 2 years old and literally throwing myself down on the floor in a public setting and making my husband drag me out kicking and screaming.  And he is soooooo good, he tells me that I don't act bad, that I deal so very well....it's a lie, but he still tells me that.  And maybe I do deal better than I think, maybe we all do.  And just can't see it because it's us. 

But it's just so funny....'cause James and I had literally just had that conversation like the night before I saw that post from you!    :0)

Mo

*****oh, and just a side note to the whole I hate being a burden to my husband and how all eyes go on me sometimes-he doesn't always help that feeling!!!  Like just the other day out a/c went down.  I had a seizure 2 nights into it.  Well, it was the night that the repair guy was supposed to come so James called and was like...."I just wanted to find out why you didn't come yesterday, I understand busy....but my wife had a seizure last night, and I hate that she is even more uncomfortable now."  Ok, so when the guy gets here....it was before my husband did, so the guy apologizes for my seizure-total stranger-I had nothing for him! I'm like, "It's ok, you didn't cause it"-how do answer that?  LoL     :0)
But then when he and James were out there working on the unit, James goes, "Yeah, she's been sick for like 3 years'!!!  Hello......we're trying to give everyone the impression that I'm normal-REMEMBER???!!!!  And James was like, "Oh, I didn't even think about that....sorry."

So, yeah....I don't hide my epilepsy, but I don't introduce myself with "Hi, I'm Epileptic Monique.  Nice to meet you!"   LMAO!!!!
SydElliesmom
by Member on Apr. 10, 2008 at 10:35 AM
Hey guys,
Yes, I get pissed off about my meds-especially this past month, I had to pay $1200 for three months of meds-bye bye taxes! 

A lot of times I feel like I am being a baby!  I read other posts in this group and most of you have this so much worse than I do.  I feel like my partial simple seizures are nothing compared to you guys waking up on the ground.  I feel bad for even worrying about mine!  Believe it or not, this helps me.  Kind of sick, huh. 

I just look back on my life and try to think about what I did to cause these.  I did some drugs in my 20s-was that it?  My epidural was placed wrong the first time-was that it? My hormones are funky every month-is that it???  What in the hell caused this?  So, yes, I guess I do have a pity party with each one of these.  And I agree-I feel bad for my husband who has to deal with the horrible mood every time I have one, my kids too.  I really try to be okay when I have them-I just get SO irritable. 
Thanks for letting me vent!  You guys are so great.
lostmoma
by on Apr. 10, 2008 at 11:34 AM
When reading your post this morning i found myself laughing out loud....man your hubby and my hubby should be friends,,
why not just to up in a plane with a banner and tell the world we have epilepsy and are sick most days and crabby and that we hate the world... dont think its bad enough most ppl in our lifes act like we gonna break...
Quoting jimmyswife211:

It's crazy isn't it?! 

To go from "I'm all alone and acting like a child....that NO ONE could possible be dealing with this as bad as I am"......

To finding out that we are TOTALLY just like everyone else!!!  LoL!!!

We aren't alone. ok, so maybe we still act like children (lol), but that we act and deal with this like the humans that we are!!!

I think sometimes that I couldn't act worse if I was 2 years old and literally throwing myself down on the floor in a public setting and making my husband drag me out kicking and screaming.  And he is soooooo good, he tells me that I don't act bad, that I deal so very well....it's a lie, but he still tells me that.  And maybe I do deal better than I think, maybe we all do.  And just can't see it because it's us. 

But it's just so funny....'cause James and I had literally just had that conversation like the night before I saw that post from you!    :0)

Mo

*****oh, and just a side note to the whole I hate being a burden to my husband and how all eyes go on me sometimes-he doesn't always help that feeling!!!  Like just the other day out a/c went down.  I had a seizure 2 nights into it.  Well, it was the night that the repair guy was supposed to come so James called and was like...."I just wanted to find out why you didn't come yesterday, I understand busy....but my wife had a seizure last night, and I hate that she is even more uncomfortable now."  Ok, so when the guy gets here....it was before my husband did, so the guy apologizes for my seizure-total stranger-I had nothing for him! I'm like, "It's ok, you didn't cause it"-how do answer that?  LoL     :0)
But then when he and James were out there working on the unit, James goes, "Yeah, she's been sick for like 3 years'!!!  Hello......we're trying to give everyone the impression that I'm normal-REMEMBER???!!!!  And James was like, "Oh, I didn't even think about that....sorry."

So, yeah....I don't hide my epilepsy, but I don't introduce myself with "Hi, I'm Epileptic Monique.  Nice to meet you!"   LMAO!!!!
lostmoma
by on Apr. 10, 2008 at 11:38 AM
Never down play the type of seizures you have friend...epiepsy is epilepsy.. seizure are seizures... they are all bad... and just cause the types are diff , the feeling we all feel are the same...its hard to live with... it tough for all of us ...
Quoting SydElliesmom:

Hey guys,
Yes, I get pissed off about my meds-especially this past month, I had to pay $1200 for three months of meds-bye bye taxes! 

A lot of times I feel like I am being a baby!  I read other posts in this group and most of you have this so much worse than I do.  I feel like my partial simple seizures are nothing compared to you guys waking up on the ground.  I feel bad for even worrying about mine!  Believe it or not, this helps me.  Kind of sick, huh. 

I just look back on my life and try to think about what I did to cause these.  I did some drugs in my 20s-was that it?  My epidural was placed wrong the first time-was that it? My hormones are funky every month-is that it???  What in the hell caused this?  So, yes, I guess I do have a pity party with each one of these.  And I agree-I feel bad for my husband who has to deal with the horrible mood every time I have one, my kids too.  I really try to be okay when I have them-I just get SO irritable. 
Thanks for letting me vent!  You guys are so great.
jimmyswife211
by Member on Apr. 10, 2008 at 12:40 PM
That's right.....mine aren't grand mal.....and I thank God every day that I don't have that type...but it doesn't stop me from getting upset every time I realize that I have had a complex partial seizure.  And it doesn't mean that I'm not effected any less.  It just means that I have a different type of seizure....and that I have to explain to people that-yes, that ACTUALLY is a seizure, and YES, I ACTUALLY do have epilepsy.  Sometimes it seems like  I'm almost having to "convince" people that there are other types of seizures.

And I'd be pissy over $1200 too! 

But you can't look for a reason that you got this.  I'm in my 20's now.  I had an abusive drug-addict/alcoholic of a real mom-so I NEVER touched drugs.  So, if we both have epilepsy....that can't be the reason you have it.  I have never had an epidural, no kids yet.  So, if we both have epilepsy.....that can't be the reason you have it.  Now....I have been told that I get moody....but I SERIOUSLY don't think that's what it is.  Epilepsy isn't a punishment.  I'm not a bad person.  I didn't do anything to cause this....and neither did you.  This is just something that happened to us.  I am not about to go looking at myself and say, "If I had only done this differently, maybe I wouldn't have to deal with this now."  You wouldn't be the WONDERFUL person you are now without EVERY one of your past experiences.  Don't look for a reason....there isn't one.  You aren't to blame.  It's just like your eye color.....you had NO control over this.  It's just one of those things. 

And I don't think it matters which type of seizures we have....I think at some point, we ALL have looked at the boards & gone..."and I'm complaining?!"

I know I have.  So don't feel bad about being upset.  Epilepsy breaks you down.  It sucks to have one second lost to ANY type of seizure!

Mo

**Ok, now I do realize that there are seizure disorders that are caused by drug and alcohol abuse.  But those people know that they caused it, and don't search for a "why"!
lostmoma
by on Apr. 11, 2008 at 11:07 AM
WOW AGREE AGREE AGAIN WITH YOU MY FRIND JIMMYSWIFE..YOU ARE WISE FOR YOUR YEARS. I HAVE LEARNED IN THE PAST 2 MONTHS, THAT THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON.. AND NO MATTER WHAT THOSE THINGS ARE WE HAVE TO LIVE OUR LIFES NO MATTER WHAT OUR SITUATION IS...AND AS YOU SAID AT THE END OF YOUR POST... YEP THERE ARE SOME OF US WHO DID CAUSE THIS THING TO OURSELF... I FOR ONE DID TO MYSELF AND HAVE TO LIVE WITH THAT FACT FOR THE RES OF MY LIFE... DRUG ABUSE IS MY DOWNFALL. IT TOOK EVERYTHING FORM ME AND LEFT ME WITH THIS....DAMMMMMM  NOW THAT I SAY IT IT PISSES ME OFF..........LOLOL
Quoting jimmyswife211:

That's right.....mine aren't grand mal.....and I thank God every day that I don't have that type...but it doesn't stop me from getting upset every time I realize that I have had a complex partial seizure.  And it doesn't mean that I'm not effected any less.  It just means that I have a different type of seizure....and that I have to explain to people that-yes, that ACTUALLY is a seizure, and YES, I ACTUALLY do have epilepsy.  Sometimes it seems like  I'm almost having to "convince" people that there are other types of seizures.

And I'd be pissy over $1200 too! 

But you can't look for a reason that you got this.  I'm in my 20's now.  I had an abusive drug-addict/alcoholic of a real mom-so I NEVER touched drugs.  So, if we both have epilepsy....that can't be the reason you have it.  I have never had an epidural, no kids yet.  So, if we both have epilepsy.....that can't be the reason you have it.  Now....I have been told that I get moody....but I SERIOUSLY don't think that's what it is.  Epilepsy isn't a punishment.  I'm not a bad person.  I didn't do anything to cause this....and neither did you.  This is just something that happened to us.  I am not about to go looking at myself and say, "If I had only done this differently, maybe I wouldn't have to deal with this now."  You wouldn't be the WONDERFUL person you are now without EVERY one of your past experiences.  Don't look for a reason....there isn't one.  You aren't to blame.  It's just like your eye color.....you had NO control over this.  It's just one of those things. 

And I don't think it matters which type of seizures we have....I think at some point, we ALL have looked at the boards & gone..."and I'm complaining?!"

I know I have.  So don't feel bad about being upset.  Epilepsy breaks you down.  It sucks to have one second lost to ANY type of seizure!

Mo

**Ok, now I do realize that there are seizure disorders that are caused by drug and alcohol abuse.  But those people know that they caused it, and don't search for a "why"!
jimmyswife211
by Member on Apr. 11, 2008 at 12:00 PM

Quote:

WOW AGREE AGREE AGAIN WITH YOU MY FRIND JIMMYSWIFE..YOU ARE WISE FOR YOUR YEARS. I HAVE LEARNED IN THE PAST 2 MONTHS, THAT THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON.. AND NO MATTER WHAT THOSE THINGS ARE WE HAVE TO LIVE OUR LIFES NO MATTER WHAT OUR SITUATION IS...AND AS YOU SAID AT THE END OF YOUR POST... YEP THERE ARE SOME OF US WHO DID CAUSE THIS THING TO OURSELF... I FOR ONE DID TO MYSELF AND HAVE TO LIVE WITH THAT FACT FOR THE RES OF MY LIFE... DRUG ABUSE IS MY DOWNFALL. IT TOOK EVERYTHING FORM ME AND LEFT ME WITH THIS....DAMMMMMM  NOW THAT I SAY IT IT PISSES ME OFF..........LOLOL
I think that because I had the experience with my mom it left me a little bit of a different take on life.  Because I have seen the outside of drug abuse.  I've seen "your" downfall-if you will.  So I feel just as sad for your seizures as I do my own.  Because I know what my real mom lost...and I'm sure you lost the same  too.  Drug abuse steals the same from everyone. And then to put epilepsy on top of it.....that's just adding insult to injury!

So, I actually commend you on recognizing the past, because there are a LOT of past users who don't take accountability. (I'm related to one.)  And the fact that it pisses you off....that's good!  LoL!  (I know how odd that sounds!)  Because that's the "non-addict" side still  fighting for sobriety.  Reminding you that you have to take it just moment to moment sometimes-regardless of anything else. Have I made ANY sense?

We all learn from what our past is, and we make our future stronger because of it..  It's just some of us -be it our own actions or the situations handed to us, just have it a little bit tougher-that's all.  As long as we don't let it breaks us....that's what matters!!!






Monique
lostmoma
by on Apr. 12, 2008 at 8:25 PM
Yes you make perfect sense... i completly understand your side of it too. see i too fucked my only birthsons life... and even tho we have just found one another the pain i have caused him is killing me inside... i have learned to deal with my pain its the pain i feel  i have  caused him I HAVE NO idea how to deal with....  I KNOW YOU UNDERSTAND THAT RIGHT..?
Quoting jimmyswife211:


Quote:

WOW AGREE AGREE AGAIN WITH YOU MY FRIND JIMMYSWIFE..YOU ARE WISE FOR YOUR YEARS. I HAVE LEARNED IN THE PAST 2 MONTHS, THAT THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON.. AND NO MATTER WHAT THOSE THINGS ARE WE HAVE TO LIVE OUR LIFES NO MATTER WHAT OUR SITUATION IS...AND AS YOU SAID AT THE END OF YOUR POST... YEP THERE ARE SOME OF US WHO DID CAUSE THIS THING TO OURSELF... I FOR ONE DID TO MYSELF AND HAVE TO LIVE WITH THAT FACT FOR THE RES OF MY LIFE... DRUG ABUSE IS MY DOWNFALL. IT TOOK EVERYTHING FORM ME AND LEFT ME WITH THIS....DAMMMMMM  NOW THAT I SAY IT IT PISSES ME OFF..........LOLOL
I think that because I had the experience with my mom it left me a little bit of a different take on life.  Because I have seen the outside of drug abuse.  I've seen "your" downfall-if you will.  So I feel just as sad for your seizures as I do my own.  Because I know what my real mom lost...and I'm sure you lost the same  too.  Drug abuse steals the same from everyone. And then to put epilepsy on top of it.....that's just adding insult to injury!

So, I actually commend you on recognizing the past, because there are a LOT of past users who don't take accountability. (I'm related to one.)  And the fact that it pisses you off....that's good!  LoL!  (I know how odd that sounds!)  Because that's the "non-addict" side still  fighting for sobriety.  Reminding you that you have to take it just moment to moment sometimes-regardless of anything else. Have I made ANY sense?

We all learn from what our past is, and we make our future stronger because of it..  It's just some of us -be it our own actions or the situations handed to us, just have it a little bit tougher-that's all.  As long as we don't let it breaks us....that's what matters!!!






Monique
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