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What's your opinion on this?

Posted by on Jul. 29, 2007 at 9:13 PM
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Ok, so I work all day and my husband stays home with our son because he's trying to start a business and he works from home to do it. I'm a lil worried though that he may not be taking care of our son the way he needs to. He's always been a very hands-off type of father, and he loves to blame on the fact that he didnt meet his father until he was 8, and that he had such a "horrible" childhood and blah blah blah. Wouldn't that just make him want our son to have better? He feels that just because we're still together that he's doing better than his dad did. I came home everyday and my son's diaper has gotten so wet that it's either sagging off his butt or he's taken it off because it's uncomfortable for him. I keep telling my hubby that he needs to feed him at least twice a day and change him every few hours, but every time I say the word "need" he's always like "I don't need to do shit except stay black and die!" He doesn't get it that there's more to being a dad than just physically being there. He doesn't seem to care to try either... He's like "Well, I'm not trying to be father of ther year." I'm not asking for "father of the year!" Im just asking him to make an effort. I'm not gonna make mother of the year either, but at least I try. He called me home from work one day that week because my son had painted his room with the contents of his diaper saying, "that's mommy stuff." God, it's just so frustrating for me, most of the time I really wish that I wasn't living with him because then I'd be able to have the state pay for my son's daycare. (I can't afford self-pay, otherwise he'd already be in daycare.) I honestly think that me being a mom would be a lot easier without him there, because I practically do everything myself anyways!

I'm really not sure what to do about him anymore. I love him dearly but the shit I go through regularly is seriously driving me insane! I'll make dinner for everyone, and when I give some of it to Jin my husband's like, "Why are you giving that to him, he's just gonna waste it." When my son falls and gets hurt, and I cuddle him for it, My hubby says that cuddling him like that will turn him into a "pansy." Jin is only two for crying out loud!!! He needs that affection!!! I keep telling my hubby that I know his mom did that to him when he was two, but he just says he can't remember (well, no shit idiot). He says the earliest memory he has of his relationship with his mom was the night she kicked him out (he was 14).

Anyways, I'm rambling now... Anyone here have any idea how I can tell this man who apparently has everything figured out why he needs to "man up" as they say?

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by on Jul. 29, 2007 at 9:13 PM
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Replies (1-4):
italianafran9
by on Jul. 30, 2007 at 12:21 AM
Hey girl. Well I can definitely relate. My husband was like that too when my son was first born, up until about 4 or 5 months old. Basically, i'm the type to not take any shit, and when i saw he wasn't being the hands on father I needed him to be, i set his ass straight. I first said " This isn't what I thought you were going to be like, You need to help me with him and bond so he knows you." i then went on to say (as he pissed me off) "if your not gonna be a daddy, I can sure as hell find someone to be one!" And he knows i was serious. You can't give false threats tho. you gotta make him understand the way he is acting is unacceptable, and ur son deserves better. i old my hubby, "you wanted a boy so damn bad, then take care of him". You can do it. Be firm and don't take no for an answer. you deserve someone to be a role model to ur son. My hubby is now an active father, playing and loving on our son all the time...if i say "get me a bottle and a diaper" his ass does it without hesitation. You got this!!!
survivher
by on Aug. 10, 2007 at 3:33 PM

Men are like kids.Their egos are verysensitive and if you tell them something you need to follow through with it. The ego thing dont  tell them they are a bad dad but that if they want to be a good dad they need to try harder and maybe say this is what a good dad is blank blank blank and propose they try a thing or to but dont tell them what to do because again kids will do the opposite.

DeedlitLi
by on Aug. 19, 2007 at 6:07 PM
He has it set in his head that our son won't "need" him until he gets to be about 5 yrs or so.  I still blame it on the fact that he didn't meet he father until he was like 8, and so I ask him, "If you dislike your father so much, then why are you acting like him?"  Like I said, he thinks what he's doing is OK just because he hasn't left....

And also, I'm not the "strong assertive type" to just say "I need you to do this or I'll leave".  I'm more passive about things.  If I actually were to leave, I wouldn't say anything at all.  He'd just come home one day and me and the boy will be gone... and he'll be sitting there looking stupid.

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Malayahsmom06
by on Sep. 5, 2007 at 4:11 PM
I honestly think that from what I hear you need to give him one more chance, if he wont do it then bounce.  Sounds harsh but  if he cant even manage to feed him and change his diaper then hes not going to do anything else either.  No matter what you do what you feel is right for you and your (adorable!!!!) son. My baby's daddy doesnt do a damn thing. He payed child support for three months, now he doesnt even do that because hes selling drugs and we all know how that goes. I send his ass on too and its been hard but I'm raising her and you can do it too! You pretty much have been anyways!
Casey
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