She Tries

[BonitaM]

She tries so hard to make him proud

But all the times he's put her down

And the fact that he was never around

Has torn them far apart

And left her with a broken heart

She hears "no matter what you do

I will never love you"

And she wonder why

As she starts to cry

She'll never be good enough

Now she's left looking for love

She doens't know what's wrong with her

And she's not all that strong

So she sells her soul

To fill that empty hole

She tries so hard to make him proud

But all the times he's put her down

And the fact that he was never around

Has torn them far apart

And left her with a broken heart

Oh what she would give

Just for him to se

That she's trying to be

The daughter that she is

And that the love she has is his

She tries so hard to make him proud

But all the times he's put her down

And the fact that he was never around

Has torn them so far apart

ANd left her with a broken heart

She tries so hard to make him proud

But he's never around to see

[qwietpleez]

Heartbreaking . . . well written though :o) 

I think your work would translate a bit better for your readers if it you only capitalized the lines that would naturally begin a sentence, I've never been a fan of caps on each line in poetry. It's a smoother read without them . . . 

One more suggestion ~ Sometimes even one extra syllable in a line can through of the rhythm of your words. Often just condensing a little bit can make a difference.

But all the times he's put her down

And the fact that he was never around

 

But all the times he's put her down

and all the times he wasn't around

 

 

[BonitaM]

Thank you for the great advice.  It does sound much better the way you put it.  I'll try to remember about the caps....although I do have to admit I find it visually more appealing with the caps on each line.