Where should I startI have been in the hospital for 6 weeks.NOONE came up there to see me or her.I had to wash my clothes in the shower.I went 3 days without eating.I couldnt leave the room.I felt so alone.My mother lives in alabama,and i asked her to come and just be a shoulder for me.She couldnt do it.A week after my daughter came home,my little brother called her,and wanted her to come watch him son,while the babys mom went into detox,the next day,she was here and stayed til today.Am I being selfish? Am I being childish,it really hurt me.I am dealing with a heartfelt situation.My 3 year old daughter is going thru hell,and I feel like I am losing my mind.I am Mommy,I am supposed to make it all better.I feel like I am failing somewhere.She is sick,and hurting on a daily bases.has nurses,and Dr's poking on her.And there is nothing I can do to help her in anyway.And I guess what bothers me the most,is she is one for mommy kisses for everything,and no matter what they always seemed to help,until now.My 3 year old angel looks at me with tear filled eyes,and says it still hurts mommy,kiss it again.she looks at me like I didn't do it right. Her tiny little body is rejecting her feeding button,and with out the Dr says she is slowly dying. There has to be something that I can do for her.I can not just let this thing win.She is mine,and I am not done with her.I do not want to give up,but it almost feels like I have no choice. I am sorry for babbling,I am just in pieces. hugs to all of you who take the time to read my story,and please take one minute to say a prayer for her,I cant do this alone.
This last picture is of her button fighting back.cranulation tissue keeps coming from her button site
please make sure to click the link below,my girls on the news.
http://www.nbc33tv.com/news/easter-bunny-visits-olol
I am back again,I guess feeling sorry for myself once again... I am a 33 year old single mother of 3 great kids. All my life I have felt like a black sheep.Before I was a year old,my mother gave me to the state of Louisiana.I had a set of foster parents,that made me sleep in a playpen for hours each day,and was very mean to me.They were in their late 60's.Why they would let me live with older people(who knows).They decided to move out of state,and because i was state property,they couldn't take me. so here we go I jumped from home to home,no one would keep me longer than a month or 2,because my mother wouldn't let the adopt me.I had 2 younger brothers,that stayed with her(I never understood).I have never knew my dad,I was told his name,but come to find out,she doesn't really know(that's a big void to me)she says how can you miss something you never knew,I can not explain that,but I do.I somehow ended up with my mothers mom(my grandmother) eventually she gave me back to my mom when I was like 11.I was punished from school because she didn't want me having friends,I never got to have a phone call,never went anywhere with friends. I ended up quitting school,because she wouldn't let me go and my grades showed it.When I was 13,she decided I could have a party,but she was inviting my friends,and i was to like it.Half way thru it,she got mad at me,slapped me in my face,and sent me to my room for the rest of the night,and she enjoyed my party,with my friends. at the age of 15,i ran away from home,to be later returned,made it all that worse.By 17,i moved out to live with a boyfriend and his family,he cheated on me,hit me,ect. guess I rathered that than with me mom. to make a long story short.I had my children,and still she shows a big favor difference between my kids,and my brothers children.Why after all these years of being done so wrong do I hunger for her to love me,I have do everything I know to do. My brothers have been in so much trouble with the law(drugs,DUI's,robbery,credit card fraud,ect) and she says I am a bad mother,I am not worth anything,calls me a fat ass. I know I am stupid right.I just feel like i am all alone,my kids have no one,my oldest sons dad has nothing to do with him,no dad,no grandparents. my 2 younger ones,their dad has bad problems,and was very abusive,has nothing to do with either of them,but told me he wished Jacy would have been miscarried.wants her gone.. Will he get his wish? again,no dad,no grandparents. and my mom wants nothing to do with them either. Oh my what have I brought my kids into. Will they feel no one loves them? I mean really,Its a great sadness to hear my 10 year old son say,Mommy why does Nana ,love them more,she never calls us or anything. I am braking her friends.. My daughter is so sick,and here I am wondering why things cant be different for me,that's lousy.. please pray for my peace,and strength,and my daughters health. I really love you guys. Thanks
P.S,
I feel real stupid doing this,but I was told to give it a try.I am a single mother,and We are having a rough time.With my daughters illness,I am unable to hold a job.My daughter is connected to an IV poll,with her feeding pump 22 hours a day.She has lost 78% of leg muscle strength from being in the hospital,and not being able to move around.The Dr. wants her to have an Infinity pump( its a backpack pump,to get her more active),which is like $400 more than what Medicaid wants to pay.(I am trying to work on that)My kids are in desperate need of clothes(I am willing to pay something for them).I know as a mother,that you tend to get things that you dont want,need,or can use,and they sit around.I have been giving things away that my kids have outgrown,because I need so much room for medical equipt. Please dont think bad of me.Just thought I'd see.If anyone had anything they are willing to sell,please let me know,and maybe we can work something out.
Landon 10 yr old son size8 pants/ 8/10 shirts
Laramie 5 yr old son 4/5 pants 4/5 or 6 shirts
Joycelyn 3 yr old babygirl 12 months to 2T
again Thank you for looking at my profile,and please,I am not a begger,please dont think bad of me...
melissia
AVON
- precious_moment
on May. 13, 2009 at 1:47 AM