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My 7 year old has a horrible temper problem its gotten out of control what do i do?

Posted by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 11:08 PM
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My name is Amber Lynn Wink i live about an hour north of Jacksonville Florida I have a wonderful husband names Keith, we have been married for 8 years. We get along great we almost never fight and are very much in love. My husband and I have to wonderful kids Rayven who is 7 and Brittany who is 8. Rayven my youngest has had a bad temper that has just about gotten out of control. In the evening when its bed time, getting her to go to her room is almost impossible, my husband has to fight her physically to get her to listen he whoops her on the ass with a belt and send her to her room crying, she gets in her room and kicks the door with her feet so hard she almost popped it off the hinges. There are now 2 holes on her bedroom wall and a door that wont shut unless you fight that too. Every morning I wake her up to the same thing, she wakes up and says NO! cries when she cant find her shoes, stomps around the house trowing things off the counter, hates to brush her teeth and her hair. I have had numerus complaints about her in school and in daycare. Multiple times she has falling a sleep in class. I just don't no what do to with her, would medication help or is medication a bit much. She has everything a little girl could want, my husband and I own  4 horses one for each of us, that is not enough for rayven she does not take care of them when i ask but wants to go riding everyday without the responsibilities afterwords. What do i have to do to settle her down the idle treats just don't work on her anymore, lately i feel like I'm over my head.

 

Please i need any king of advise possible.

Thank you

Amber lynn Wink

by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 11:08 PM
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Replies (1-2):
Tita01
by New Member on Dec. 17, 2008 at 9:03 PM

Hi Amber, my name is Terry and I live in Connecticut.  Have you tried taking things away that she loves as punishment?  I don't think spanking her is the answer or it would have worked.  You have to try to find something that would be effective and follow through with it.  I know it's hard.  I have a seven year old daughter that has become very whiny and worries all the time that I won't be there.  She said she had a dream that I died.  I don't know what to do.  This is driving me crazy.

drigbet
by Member on Dec. 18, 2008 at 2:11 PM

First schedule a doctor appointment to discuss the problem and make sure there is not something physical that needs addressed - it could be something that ends up needing medication or you could be surprised to find something as simple as a food allergy causing the reaction.  I know it sounds insane but I have a friend whos son was allergic to peanuts.  They fed him pbj sandwiches everyday and a short time later it was like the devil had taken him over.

As far as what you can do at home, have you sat her down and talked to her?  Asked her why she acts this way?  A lot of the times kids act out simply because they dont understand how they feel or how else to react to something that is stressing them.  She is fighting you about going to bed, maybe she is having nightmares or the childhood fear of monsters under the bed have taken hold.  If she is not sleeping right, that is possibly what is affecting her the rest of the day.

Sit down with your husband and your daughter and see if you can get her to discuss what is making her act out like she is.  Dont react to her, dont start punishing her, just talk.  When it is done, or she can no longer be reasoned with stop.  Then you and your husband discuss what you found out.  At that point then figure out between the two of you a new way to handle her temper tantrums.  She is calling out for your attention for some reason.  Spanking is not going to fix the problem.  As far as bed time maybe you can agree that 30 mins before bed you tell her it is time for bed and that there will be no fighting.  (If she is having nightmare or monster problems maybe you can start a new ritual of clearing her room of this problem.  Give her a small spray bottle filled with water and a little scented oil and tell her it is magic monster spray.  Have her spray all the areas in her room that she is affraid a monster will be and the spray will stop them from being able to enter.  This will give HER control over the fear.)  Discuss what the punishment will be if she fights going to bed - no tv the next day, no horse back riding for the day, etc.  Go over all the other problems and figure out how to handle them.  Since it has been such a problem you also need to set rewards for good behavior - include both daughters on this since the already good one deserves rewarded too - extra bedtime story, 30 mins (or whatever possible) one on one parent time to do whatever the child wants like play a game, etc.  Then sit back down with your daughter and tell her the new rules.  Tell her what the punishment will be if she does not follow the rules and what rewards will be when she learns to follow the rules.

That first night at bed dont make it a power struggle.  Let her make her own choice.  If she will not peacefully go to bed, then just remind her of what her punishment will be and what reward she is losing.  Then if she still does not go to bed just go to bed and let her up.  You will do what you always do lock the doors, make sure everything is off, and go to bed.  Honestly, what is the worse that will happen?  She will turn the tv back on, fall to sleep in the livingroom at some point, and be tired the next day.  She is already having problems staying awake so you are not going to add to that problem.  The next day stand your ground and follow through with the punishment for her and reward for your other daughter that went to bed.  The next night follow the same routine.  You may have to make some small adjustments as you go - such as if the punishment is no tv then you may have to unplug the family tv so she cant watch it after you go to bed and the rest of the family may have to go without also, unless you have tv in your bedrooms and then only watch it there.

Simply there is most likely 1 of 3 things happening - she has a medical problem that needs addressed that can only be done by doctor - she is having fears of some sort - or she is just pushing her boundaries to declare her own control.  You just have to slow down and figure out which it is.

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