I have a problem with a teenage daughter

[lszpak]

I have never been on a forum before, but I need advice!! I have 2 beautiful teenage daughters, but one of them has awful body odor. This is something that I have sat them both down and spoke to them about. For some reason, nothing I have said is working. I have bought her deodorant, her own soap, and anything else I can think about. For whatever reason, she chooses not to keep herself clean. I have never experienced this! I have tried to tell her that she doesn't want other kids to make fun of her, so she needs to keep herself clean. This hasn't worked. I have been as polite as possible so I don't hurt her feelings, I just don't know what to do. I buy her under clothes at least 3 times a month. Not just a pair, but at least a weeks worth. My Mom says I just need to get in the bath with her and wash her like she was a child. I just think that would make her feel worse than she might already. If anyone has any advice or tips, anything at this point will be great!! Thanks in advance :)

[HWSmom1013]

In a matter of fact way, tell her that before she leaves the house in the morning for school, there will be a body odor check.  No way getting out of it.  I know of a 4th grade teacher who announces to her students on the first day of school, "everyone is to wear deoderant every day.  I don't want my classroom smelling like an onion hoagie!"  Done.

good luck

[lszpak]

Thanks, I will try that :)

[nicole342]

It sounds as if she's depressed, how's her school life.  I would get in the bath with her if I had to.  If's your responsibility for now to make sure that she takes care of herself. 

[tmhmom]

Some draconian punishment is required. If she persists in this behavior, you need to find a punishment that she HATES.

Not physical. Take away something that matters to her. And keep doing it until she figures it out. This often requires some experimentation, to figure out what works. Once you have it, you may still need to shift it a bit.

One suggestion: if school is close enough to bike/walk to, tell her that if she smells bad, she will not get in your car/on the bus.

Or tell her that until she smells better, she will not eat with the family or participate in family activities. That may mean some housecleaning in her room--NO TV or computer to keep her occupied without you.

If you lose this battle, you will have a lot more danger in store for you in the future, as she starts doing more and more away from home. Establish control NOW.

The Mother

http://www.mothershandbook.net

[EvansMom618]

Quoting nicole342:

It sounds as if she's depressed, how's her school life.  I would get in the bath with her if I had to.  If's your responsibility for now to make sure that she takes care of herself. 

I could not agree more.  It sounds like there is something else going on.  I would try setting aside some time to spend with her one-on-one and try to get to the root of it.  There has to be a reason why she is not wanting to take pride in her appearance.

[e.v._Mom-2-B]

 honestly, as a teen myself...
it sounds like your daughter might be going through some phase. There's no EASY way of saying "you smell bad" your going to have to be blunt about it, to make her realize whats going on...
if she is depressed, try to see what's going on in school. if its being bullied, it might be b/cuz of her body odor [ I should know... teens don't care, they'll say it point blank]
Another thing you can do is go to a doctor about it, it might be something more than her not trying. My little sister has it too, no matter how much perfume or deoderant she puts on, by the end of the day, she has to take a shower. The doctors gave her a type of deoderant that actually helped her w/ it, so it might be something else other than her not wanting to put it on. Maybe she has & it still doesn't work, so she finds it useless & stops all together.....

[seales1010]

I really feel for you, and I agree that it sounds like she may be depressed. Maybe something bad is going on at school so she feels like there is no reason to bother? But that possibility aside, if it were my daughter, I would simply choose her favorite things and withhold them. No tv, no phone time, no whatever it is, until she has bathed. Bathing can be one of her household responsibilities. And to make sure she is doing it properly, you can join her in the bathroom. And if she doesn't like it just tell her that as soon as she can prove that she can bathe herself properly, you won't go in with her anymore. Good luck and I am certain she'll grow out of it!!

Sarah