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What am I doing wrong as a mom?

Posted by on Nov. 20, 2009 at 4:29 PM
  • 4 Replies

For the past 2 months, my 11 yo been getting in trouble at school.

#The first time, he was with a friend and my son tried to skip a class, he got caught.

#The second time he tried to showed off in front of a girl and defend this girl from a rumor , my son confronted the boy who was spreading the rumor and grabbed this boy by his neck. Went to the Principal's office.

# Today, I asked him how was his day and by the looked at me I knew something was wrong. At music class, a boy was talking non stop to my son and because the boy wouldn't stop talking to him...my son had the brilliant idea to tell him  SHUT THE HELL UP!!. My son again ended up in the Principal's office.

We have been noticing that is a small group, 3-4 boys, trouble makers, and my son has a magnet for them. He loves to hang out with them, even the teacher asked him to stay away, but he still doing it.

I talked to him many times, long conversations, trying to understand what is going on through his head. Nothing.

Today I am so frustrated and UPSET and dissappointed I yell at him, took his PSP, music , cancel a friend who was going to come over Sunday, and ordered him to clean his room and not to speak to me for a while.

I called the school to make an appointment with the Principal Monday morning.

My husband said to me over the phone, to pray, try not to get sick, because I have high blood pressure. But I just can't understand what is going on?

We don't use that kind of language at home, I asked him, where do he get it, he said from TV. My son he tried to excuse himself by saying that this is the first time, but still wrong .

He is changing in front of my eyes, I have no control what he does when he is not here and I feel that my words are going through one ear and coming out the other one.

I stay at home, don't go nowhere, I take them to movies, aquarium, parks, buy this and that. It's not like there is big issues at home.

Why he do this?

He brought his report card, all A's. He is smart. But make BAD decisions. How do I keep him away from this group of friends?

I am out of clue?

If you have kids this age or you went through this I need to hear your experiences, please.

 

by on Nov. 20, 2009 at 4:29 PM
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Replies (1-4):
jj_horn2004
by on Nov. 20, 2009 at 4:45 PM

My son is 10 1/2 and we are going through all of this as well. Unfortunately at this age the saying "boys will be boys" is true. Hes being impulsive it sounds like and maybe he just hasn't learned to control that part of himself yet. Maybe trying to get through to him the "think before you speak". It has NOTHING to do with you or your husband as parents...hes testing the waters at school and finding that the girls like the "bad boys" as they all do at this age! We have threatened a boys home school and it's seemed to work to an extent. He's still doing the impulsive things at school. It is extremely frustrating, and I know how you are feeling. You might also think about having the counselor talk to him and see whats going on!?! But IMO he's just being a boy and could be in the early stages of puberty!

kylesmom
by on Nov. 20, 2009 at 6:19 PM

Unfortunately i do believe it is a phase but he may feel even though the small group is that of bad boys he may fine them helping him out with his self esteem or he may feel like he is one of the gang 

mnwintercritter
by on Nov. 24, 2009 at 4:19 PM

As the other mom's say its a stage. Don't you remember that age, yes it was a while ago, but the bad boys seemed so cool, so BAD!. If they are older and appear to accept your son, that's going to make them seem 'cooler'.  Does your school have any after school activities with motivated kids you can get him involved with, maybe YMCA or boy scouts. Being involved with other boys who are motivated and see those 'bad boys' for the not cool kids that they are so that being part of that group is more , gosh I hate to say this, but more of a stigma then an opportunity for excitement might be the best way to break the hold those kids have for your son.

Roxyfoxy36
by on Nov. 26, 2009 at 8:55 PM

Thanks moms, all you have good wisdom. After having a conversation with the Principal, he suggested the same thing, and extra activity outside of school. He will be able to open his eyes more and make friends outside of school. We are going to stretch a little bit and find something for him at YMCA soon.

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