My step-daughter is in first grade. Starting in November her teacher mentioned keeping her back in the first grade next year. We thought that was very early to be discussing this, but kept a close watch on things.
Since then she's had huge amounts of homework (first grade and she's doing an hour of homework a night?). I've also spoken with other mothers of children in the class who are not happy with how things are going with this teacher. And then I have found out that this teacher routinely drops students who do not fit into a certain mold, basically letting them slide or sending through the year ignoring them. A new, but very good friend, had to keep her daughter back in second grade because of this teacher letter go on without learning anything and basically ignoring her.
While my step-daughter's mother has no say in the matter, she even agrees that staying back in first grade wouldn't be the best. But the teacher has met with her mother about this blowing off her father, even knowing that he's the soul parent and decision maker - the school has copies of the court papers due to prior issues with her mother. and the teacher called five minutes before our last meeting to cancel, even though she'd been home all day sick from school. We've been in touch with the principal over the teacher working things out with her mother and blowing off her father and he's staying on top of things.
Tomorrow we're (my boyfriend and I) are meeting with her tomorrow about our little one staying back. The problem is that we're searing mad about all this. We want to go in there with an open mind, but we're beyond pissed off. My boyfriend is good about holding his tongue, but I have a habit of speaking my mind when my kids are getting screwed over. They're all getting screwed over one way or another by this school system and this is just the first meeting in a series to get things back in order for our kids.
Any suggestions?
Thanks very much for everyone's time!
i kind of had an issue like this, but not as serious. we had a teacher that would grade my child on something but wouldnt make her do it and correct her on it. after talking to the teacher time after time after time and proving my point to her, what good is a straight A paper if she is missing a step. i finally went to the principle and it stopped. if she keeps trying to push you around go to the principle. the more complaints you put in the closier and closier those teachers get to the chopping block of getting fired. just remember to be sweet to the teacher because those teachers talk and you dont want to get known and the mom that is a total bear. hope i helped some. good luck!!
Take a big deep breath! If you want to be taken seriously, don't go in with your hands up ready to fight! Also, you might want to have the meeting include the principal or school counselor. Being a former teacher -- and on the receiving end of an incompetent teacher (my daughter had one too) -- it is wise to have another person in the meeting to help keep everyone in line, on target, and above board.
I'm a bit confused about her tactics though...holding some back as they aren't at performance level...while sending some through who aren't at performance level...doesn't make sense...I would question the homework and look at its validity. I will say that things have changed since we were in school. My daughter, in theory, could work 1 hour per night between the home work sheets, reading and math facts. I choose to not do all of it every night -- so that is our choice and she is way above performance level so I'm not too concerned about academics. But, you guys will need to evaluate that. I'm assuming you are looking at the work and have an understanding as to if it is appropriate for her?
My best advice:
1. Be calm.
2. Try to get a principal or other 3rd party to be a part of the discussion. That way you can avoid he said/she said stuff.
3. Go in with a prepared list of questions and concerns. Don't think on the fly but be organized -- that will probably blow her away.
4. Discuss YOUR expectations of her. Some teachers tend to get a bit...how do I say this delicately...ARROGANT! Don't let them try to intimidate you with theory and child psychology and tell you all that you need to do -- you also need to communicate your expectations of her -- especially regarding communications. Try to stick to hard facts about academic performance and your expectations of communications -- meaning "why aren't we in the loop?"
5. Don't lose it. She probably isn't worth the energy and you obtaining a bad reputation as a difficult parent.
At the end of it, if you don't get what you need, I would move it on up to the principal. Just know that -- it can come back to haunt you. And sorry all of you teachers out there and school admins., but I know this for sure that students sometimes receive backlash for parents complaints -- I've seen it first hand where I taught.
Good luck. This just isn't easy is it. If everyone would just step up to the plate and be accountable, this would not be a problem.
i would definitely look into what is really going on and have another person available there to be a third wheel....also please dont reject the idea of holding back if that is necessary....now is better then middle school
At the meeting I would focus on what things she needs to improve and work on. There are 5 or 6 months before the beginning of the next school year and I think that surely if all of you work diligently between now and then you should make a lot of progress. Especially if she wants to make major improvements, you guys shouldn't put a time limit on it. We have about an hour of homework a day in kindergarten and first grade.
I don't really understand the specifics of the divorce/custody issues (so totally feel free to ignore), but it might be good to have all of you together at the meetings. It might show that ALL of you are on the same page and committed to making a real effort toward her improving.
Another thing to consider....maybe she is different in class than at home. My son is completely different in class than at home. Maybe you should watch her in class part of a day; she could be struggling or having issues you haven't seen before. One of the main reasons I volunteer in my son's class is so I can how he learns and interacts with classmates.
Good luck getting everything ironed out.
I would stay calm. Ask the teacher for specifics and then insist that your step daughter be tested. Write a letter to the prinicpal stating you want an educational evaluation be done for your daughter. It takes a long time to get these through so hopefully you'll have it before summer. If you don't like the results or testing process demand an independent evaluation be done.
The main thing parents often forget is that they don't have to do what the teacher thinks is best. Get her evaluated if you disagree with the suggestion to hold her back.
At this meeting, ask questions about how your little one is behind. Ask for examples, if she isn't writing up to par ask to see papers she has done and examples of work from other students to compare it with. Don't take everything she says as the end all be all, although in most cases the teacher will be right. Tell her about how you child does her homework, where she has problems and what seems to go smoothly. Maybe your child is having trouble in school because of an outside issue, something that isn't happening at home, it could be another child who says mean things, or she just might not like school, that could cause her not to do her work at school the way she does things at home.
Try not to think of the teacher as your opponent, chances are she's really on your side and wants only the best for your child, but be prepared to stand your ground if you think she's wrong. It's a good idea to have others there for the meeting as well, ask about special education teachers or another first grade teacher or the school counselor, someone who can look at both sides and who actually knows something about children and how they learn. Listen to what they say, it is better and easier on your daughter to be held back now than it would be later. If she isn't up to grade level she needs help, get it for her now so she won't suffer later.
Read this one again. Chock full of good ideas, it is!
Quoting AislinnAsparas:Take a big deep breath! If you want to be taken seriously, don't go in with your hands up ready to fight! Also, you might want to have the meeting include the principal or school counselor. Being a former teacher -- and on the receiving end of an incompetent teacher (my daughter had one too) -- it is wise to have another person in the meeting to help keep everyone in line, on target, and above board.
I'm a bit confused about her tactics though...holding some back as they aren't at performance level...while sending some through who aren't at performance level...doesn't make sense...I would question the homework and look at its validity. I will say that things have changed since we were in school. My daughter, in theory, could work 1 hour per night between the home work sheets, reading and math facts. I choose to not do all of it every night -- so that is our choice and she is way above performance level so I'm not too concerned about academics. But, you guys will need to evaluate that. I'm assuming you are looking at the work and have an understanding as to if it is appropriate for her?
My best advice:
1. Be calm.
2. Try to get a principal or other 3rd party to be a part of the discussion. That way you can avoid he said/she said stuff.
3. Go in with a prepared list of questions and concerns. Don't think on the fly but be organized -- that will probably blow her away.
4. Discuss YOUR expectations of her. Some teachers tend to get a bit...how do I say this delicately...ARROGANT! Don't let them try to intimidate you with theory and child psychology and tell you all that you need to do -- you also need to communicate your expectations of her -- especially regarding communications. Try to stick to hard facts about academic performance and your expectations of communications -- meaning "why aren't we in the loop?"
5. Don't lose it. She probably isn't worth the energy and you obtaining a bad reputation as a difficult parent.
At the end of it, if you don't get what you need, I would move it on up to the principal. Just know that -- it can come back to haunt you. And sorry all of you teachers out there and school admins., but I know this for sure that students sometimes receive backlash for parents complaints -- I've seen it first hand where I taught.
Good luck. This just isn't easy is it. If everyone would just step up to the plate and be accountable, this would not be a problem.
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I need advice, please,not bashing.
- silvermander
on Mar. 18, 2010 at 6:34 PM