Can ya help me with this?
A little back story; We can't get reduced/free lunches because we make too much money...but we cannot afford to buy the lunches/breakfasts so we send sack lunch and she eats breakfast at home.
In the past she has snuck into the breakfast line and we would get notes and she would lie about eating there. She would get in trouble for the lieing...
In the mornings she has plenty of time to ask for seconds.
Well it hadn't happend in quite a while.
Last week I got called out of my classroom by her school because she had racked up 6.00 in the hole from eating breakfast and getting milks at lunch...I was confused because we never got a note.
Then lunch lady also complained that Akasha gave her a big attitude about the money saying she already paid it!
So I call hubby tell him and we decide to wait till we get home to talk to her about this.
We ask her and she lies! Well when she lies she gets grounded so we tell her that we received a phone call and she still denied it! So she was sent to time out and when I went to talk to her I asked where the notes were and she decides to tell me she waited in the classroom until everyone was gone and threw them away!!!
So she is grounded for a week...this happened 2 Fridays ago? Well come to find out she racked up more debt in lunch money...and has thrown the note away! Just this past Friday...
I'm at a loss as to what to do. She doesn't know that I know about the recent debt as I just found out myself...
****Update****
She came home and I asked her if she had eaten at school and instead of telling a lie she told me the TRUTH!!!! I'm super excited about the truth telling! But then her story got shaky as to where she put the note...and I thought to myself "Baby steps...baby steps"
Dh and I sat down last night and talked about punishment and whatnot and we decided she will be paying the lunch fee out of her money along with a couple extra household chores.
First I would make sure the school knows that she is not allowed to charge lunch at all. I would bet that not a lot of her friends bring lunch and she doesn't want to be different. How old is she and what grade is she in? ANother thing might be that if she is buying lunch she can sit with her friends who might also be buying lunch. I know for my daughter, she doesn't sit by her friends if she brings her lunch because she has to go in and sit down right away.
Quoting stuckinamess:
First I would make sure the school knows that she is not allowed to charge lunch at all. I would bet that not a lot of her friends bring lunch and she doesn't want to be different. How old is she and what grade is she in? ANother thing might be that if she is buying lunch she can sit with her friends who might also be buying lunch. I know for my daughter, she doesn't sit by her friends if she brings her lunch because she has to go in and sit down right away.
I haven't thought about asking them not to let her charge.
She turned 7 in February/1st Grade.
I used to work at her school this year and there are many kiddos that take sack lunches because of allergies, they are vegitarians, and things like that.
It's the same at our school if you have a sack you sit down right away.
Off the cuff, I've got this: She's not really learning not to lie, she's learning not to get caught. It's tricky, this balance.
Trying a new approach might help.
Plan to do something with her at the end of the week if she consistently does what she knows is expected of her (bringing notes home for example).
If she fails, oops. Bummer. Well, maybe next time. Start the "week" again the next day.
About the breakfast thing? I'd make her earn that money. She basically "stole" breakfast from the school and she can either work it off at school (ooh, wouldn't that be an awesome consequence for dine and dash?!) or she can work it off at home. Working it off at home will be harder (you'll make sure of it) but less embarrassing.
I think those consequences fit the crime.
Quoting ErikaRobin:
Off the cuff, I've got this: She's not really learning not to lie, she's learning not to get caught. It's tricky, this balance.
Trying a new approach might help.
Plan to do something with her at the end of the week if she consistently does what she knows is expected of her (bringing notes home for example).
If she fails, oops. Bummer. Well, maybe next time. Start the "week" again the next day.
About the breakfast thing? I'd make her earn that money. She basically "stole" breakfast from the school and she can either work it off at school (ooh, wouldn't that be an awesome consequence for dine and dash?!) or she can work it off at home. Working it off at home will be harder (you'll make sure of it) but less embarrassing.
I think those consequences fit the crime.
We have a dollar system in play money for her and she gets "paid" every day for her chores.
Hmmm...she is learning not to get caught and it's driving me crazy!! lol
I'll have to keep these things in mind...DH gets off in 45 minutes we'll have a pow wow! lol
Erika has some good advice there. I have found that point out or rewarding the behavior you want goes much farther than punishing the bad behavior.
You could set up a reward like Erika said, and then have her teacher email you every time there is a note that you are supposed to be getting, that way you know when she doesn't bring them home as soon as it happens.
At our school, they will let a child only charge upto a few dollars in lunches before they cut them off. They refuse to turn an account off for fear that a child would forget their lunch one day and they don't want a kid to starve. (Not my words theirs, and my kids have never forgotten their lunch, but have charged it a few times too)
BTW Erika my hubby loved the whole work it off at school thing...
Quoting Xantho:BTW Erika my hubby loved the whole work it off at school thing...
lol, Thanks! I don't know where that came from, but I love it too! *pats self on the back*
Good self...me. :)
I would tell the school NOT to allow her to go thru the food line...sounds to me it's partly the school's fault for giving her the food to begin with....we used to give our kids PB & J sandwiches when they forgot their lunch/lunch money.....perhaps get some breakfast bars....hand one to her on the way out the door when she doesn't get 2nds.....I think with her being in 1st grade the whole cafeteria thing is a novelty....I'm sure it will pass....LOL
I would make her pay you back via her allowance...I sure hope she isn't learning to lie and not get caught....have you really sat down to talk with her...not discipline her but TALK WITH HER TO FIND OUT maybe WHY she is doing this...perhaps there's a cute boy she wants to hang out with....you never know.....maybe she wants to fit in...maybe her friends are on reduced/free lunches and she just wants to fit in.....keep us posted & good luck!
Don't be surprised if they wouldn't do it.....I know it's a great idea but it's a matter of LIABILITY ISSUES & CONCERNS
Quoting ErikaRobin:
Quoting Xantho:BTW Erika my hubby loved the whole work it off at school thing...
lol, Thanks! I don't know where that came from, but I love it too! *pats self on the back*
Good self...me. :)
Quoting Carey2006:
I would tell the school NOT to allow her to go thru the food line...sounds to me it's partly the school's fault for giving her the food to begin with....we used to give our kids PB & J sandwiches when they forgot their lunch/lunch money.....perhaps get some breakfast bars....hand one to her on the way out the door when she doesn't get 2nds.....I think with her being in 1st grade the whole cafeteria thing is a novelty....I'm sure it will pass....LOL
I would make her pay you back via her allowance...I sure hope she isn't learning to lie and not get caught....have you really sat down to talk with her...not discipline her but TALK WITH HER TO FIND OUT maybe WHY she is doing this...perhaps there's a cute boy she wants to hang out with....you never know.....maybe she wants to fit in...maybe her friends are on reduced/free lunches and she just wants to fit in.....keep us posted & good luck!
Yes we do sit down and talk with her...we try very hard to teach and use open communication. When asked why she does something all we get is either "Because I wanted to" , "So and so told me to do it" , "Because I felt like it" , or "No reason"
There are a lot of things going on in this little girls life that I just rather not plaster all over the internet for people to judge and both DH and I take into effect that it probably has something to do with the other contributing factors.
Sister's kids' parties and events....too much...need advice
- Xantho
on Mar. 20, 2010 at 10:11 PM