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Retaining my 1st grader

Posted by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 3:12 PM
  • 18 Replies

My 6 year old daughter is in the first grade, she has had serious confidence issues with reading and her writing. She's very eager to learn but so worried about doing things right. I spoke with her teacher yesterday, and she thinks it would be best to retain her, given the fact that she does not believe that my daughter will be able to do much improvement between now and the end of 4th quarter.

I am concerned that if I agree to hold her back then she could be more disappointed and embarrassed as she would then be in the same grade as her younger brother, plus all of her friends will get to move on.

*What advice do you have or what would any of you ladies do?

by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 3:12 PM
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Replies (1-10):
auroragold
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 3:48 PM

 This thread had some EXCELLENT stories and advice regarding having a child repeat a grade.  Maybe something will help you

http://www.cafemom.com/group/41/forums/read/10708766/Should_I_have_my_son_repeat_2nd_grade

ErikaRobin
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 4:15 PM

I hope you find an answer.  :)

Barabell
by Barbara on Apr. 1, 2010 at 5:53 PM


Quoting auroragold:

 This thread had some EXCELLENT stories and advice regarding having a child repeat a grade.  Maybe something will help you

http://www.cafemom.com/group/41/forums/read/10708766/Should_I_have_my_son_repeat_2nd_grade

That is an excellent thread.

Barabell
by Barbara on Apr. 1, 2010 at 5:55 PM

I think it's definitely a hard decision to make.  I've heard a lot of stories where they kept their child behind and it increased their confidence in the long run because their child was doing so much better the next year.  Yet, you have the added complication of her being in the same grade then as her younger brother. 

How much is she struggling?  Have you been told where she'll need to be next year, and will you have time to work on that over the summer?  Another question consideration is if her school district offers summer school.  My son's school has used that to prepare kids for the next year that are struggling.


rkoloms
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 6:12 PM

Have you been working with her at home? I would ask the school for guidance, and work with her between now and when school starts in the fall.

Robin in Chicago

Bieg9093
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 9:41 PM

"Yet, you have the added complication of her being in the same grade then as her younger brother. "

That's a big kicker, isn't it?  As a teacher, I can tell you that if she and brother are in the same grade but have different birthdays, they're going to need to explain that constantly.  Not just to other kids, but well-meaning (but tactless) parents and substitute teachers will expect a better answer than "none of your business."

The only reason I can imagine going through with this recommendation is if she would benefit from retention across the board.  How is her math?  Are her relationships with her peers age-appropriate?  How is her general maturity?  If the only area of concern is reading & writing then that's the problem to be solved.  Has she been seen by a reading specialist?  Perhaps you could request an evaluation through the CPE to determine if there is a disability of some sort that requires attention. 

I think there's a few more choices out there than the teacher may have presented (which may not be her fault---she may not be allowed to make recommendations that cost the district too much money.)  You may have some homework to do to find the right solution so you can advocate for your child.  Much Much luck!

kmrtigger
by Kandice on Apr. 1, 2010 at 9:54 PM

 

Quoting Bieg9093:

"Yet, you have the added complication of her being in the same grade then as her younger brother. "

That's a big kicker, isn't it?  As a teacher, I can tell you that if she and brother are in the same grade but have different birthdays, they're going to need to explain that constantly.  Not just to other kids, but well-meaning (but tactless) parents and substitute teachers will expect a better answer than "none of your business."

The only reason I can imagine going through with this recommendation is if she would benefit from retention across the board.  How is her math?  Are her relationships with her peers age-appropriate?  How is her general maturity?  If the only area of concern is reading & writing then that's the problem to be solved.  Has she been seen by a reading specialist?  Perhaps you could request an evaluation through the CPE to determine if there is a disability of some sort that requires attention. 

I think there's a few more choices out there than the teacher may have presented (which may not be her fault---she may not be allowed to make recommendations that cost the district too much money.)  You may have some homework to do to find the right solution so you can advocate for your child.  Much Much luck!

 

This mom gave some wonderful advice and a lot to think and research about BERFORE you make your decision. Good luck!

KMK_Mama
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 10:30 PM

I had to retain my daughter this year and now her and her sister are in the same grade. It hasn't been a problem...yet. I was even contemplating holding back my younger one this next year to avoid them being in the same grade but she is doing so well....I can't hold her back and "punish" her for doing well. It is what it is I guess. I have struggled a lot with it though.

CrazedMomof2
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 10:33 PM

That has got to be a hard decision to make. My neice was held back in 2nd grade and while she was sad her friends moved on it really didnt have much of an impact on her. Of course, all kids are different.

dawncs
by Member on Apr. 2, 2010 at 4:45 AM

Have you tried to request an evaluation from the school in writing for a learning disability? They have made it easier to get one. She could be having some fine motor skills problems, too. There is help for her out there.

Dawn
Author and freelance writer
http://www.toyboxunlimited.com/

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