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My daughter is upset over "Mean Girls" won't talk. Advice?

Posted by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 5:15 PM
  • 7 Replies

My daughter is in her room quietly playing her DS and "insisting" she is alright.  My mother's intuition and sharp eye picked something up at her after school art class today.

I was right.  There is a girl (with big sister) that she is trying to make friends with in that art class.  My dd said, "can you talk to her mom about a playdate?"  I approached the mother last week (with warmth and friendliness)  and got a cold, rude  "uppity" response.  I believe it is these 2 girls in her class that have hurt her.    It hurts to see the painful look on her face and I want to comfort her.

Suggestions? Experience? Strength? Hope?

by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 5:15 PM
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by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 5:20 PM

 that is so sad that parents can be so cold.  All I can say is give her a hug and tell her you love her.  That is what I do with my DD.  I also reminder her people that act hateful will one day have to answer for their actions, so remain true to who you are and do not give so muh controi that your feelings get hurt.

by Kandice on Apr. 1, 2010 at 11:42 PM

 Maybe a mommy and me day out will help get her to open up to you more. And just explain to her that there are plenty of other girls she can have playdates with that are nicer. Good luck!

by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 11:47 PM

 I agree with the previous posts. Also, I wouldn't push the issue too much. Just reassure her that you love her & when she is ready to talk you will be there to listen. Then do something fun with her. Thats usually how I get my kids to open up. Good luck mommy!

by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 11:49 PM

That is tough. Just let her know that you are there to listen when she is ready to talk about it. I think thats all you can realy do.........

by on Apr. 2, 2010 at 12:06 AM

When she comes around and lets you know that something did happen, I'd say to let her know the entire story with the mother. Tell her you tried talking to their mom and got a less than desireable response and that bad apples come from bad trees -- but not to worry the two girls are missing out on a great opportunity of having a great friend like your daughter.

I'd also explain that some people just don't click and that's definitely not her fault. Life is like that. But that doesn't mean every person she comes across won't click -- good friends take time and are well worth that time.

The other posts have great suggestions/ideas too. Good luck and hang in there. :)

by on Apr. 2, 2010 at 7:08 AM

 I have to say that based on your post - I don't see how the two girls are "mean girls" or that their mom is either. 

Maybe the mom's response wasn't what you wanted but maybe she was having a crappy day. It happens to all of us - we snap or are less polite than we would be normally.    Heck, maybe she has some issues with her spouse at home and playdates aren't allowed.  You just never know....Did she say NO or just beat around the bush?  I'd try to approach again and see what happens before I wrote her off.

As for the girls - why do you think that they said something to your DD?  Just your gut or any clues - beside DD being quiet? 

 I just can't  jump on the bandwagon and call them "mean girls" or hateful or anything else without having more facts. 

Now if they DID do or say something negative to your DD there's a way to deal with it.

If they didn't, maybe they just don't think they have as much in common with DD as she does. Maybe they don't want to be friends. Is that really an issue?  I mean DD isn't friends with EVERYONE in the class right (for playdates)?   Some kids click together and others don't.

Sounds like a nice long family weekend (this weekend?) might be a good time to try and figure out what's going on so you can help DD with some solutions.

Come back and let us know what you learn!  And hug that DD for all of us. No matter WHAT the issue - she needs a hug!

by Barbara on Apr. 2, 2010 at 11:55 AM

We all experience that, not just with girls either.

My son one day was hurt because he felt a kid in his class didn't like him.  So I asked him, "Well, do you like everyone?"  His answer was no.  So I gently explained that based on that reasoning, you cannot expect everyone to like you.  Instead of worrying about the kids that don't like you or you don't get along with, you should focus your efforts on the kids you do like and that you both enjoy spending time around eachother.  My son says that discussion really helped him a lot.  I think a lot of times we want everybody to like us, but looking at things in the boarder view, that's just impossible.

I also agree with PP that the situation could possibly be interpreted wrong because you never know what the other people are dealing with right now too.

Hopefully your daughter will cheer up soon.  It's so painful to see them down and upset :(

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