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My daughters first crush.....How do I handle her growing up so fast?

Posted by on May. 12, 2010 at 3:06 PM
  • 11 Replies

My daughter is 8 years old and in the second grade! She has her first crush ever on a little boy named Justin! She is now wanting to wear lip gloss and eye shadow to school! Ive allowed her to wear a little lip gloss but she gets a little upset when i wont let her go ballistic with it! But she is still so young! She wont let me fix her hair unless I curl it! Other than that she does her own thing in the mornings and now she is starting to think she is fat or ugly and is becoming very self conscious! How on earth do I deal with this? She is a beautiful little girl and truly a blessing to me! She helps me with everything but she is growing up way too fast and now im seriously worried about her self esteem! Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by on May. 12, 2010 at 3:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
norma5150
by on May. 12, 2010 at 3:14 PM

It seems like no matter what we do our kids are growing up faster than we did. My daughter is 6 and in 1st grade. She came home telling me that she liked a boy named Jakkob that sits next to her. I told her she's too young to like somebody. Then she comes home saying she can't stop thinking about him, to fix her hair in ponytails with barrettes because he said they looked like butterflies, and that she wanted to marry him! Can you believe that? It's the tv and the movies, I think. Now days everything is about how you look. I just had to tell my daughter that she's beautiful no matter how her hair is fixed and that boyfriends and things like that should wait til she's older..like mommy! I wish! lol

hopeandglory53
by on May. 12, 2010 at 4:39 PM

My 9 year old has had a crush on a boy since she was in Kindergarten (he's 2 years older too). I'm glad this boy will not be in her class this coming year or the next year...but when she gets to the 6th grade...they'll be in class again :( I hope those 2 years apart will break her affliction on this boy.

not-the-momma
by on May. 12, 2010 at 5:21 PM

My SD8 had a crush on a boy when she was 7.  Her older brother came running home to tell us that she liked this boy named Gabe. She got so upset with him for telling us that she punched him.  She talked about him often but never did anything special to 'look pretty' for him.  We figured nothing much would come of it and other than playing with him at school and asking to have him over once (which never worked out) she lost interest in him a few months later.  Now when we ask her if there are any boys in her class that she likes she says 'only this one boy, but we're just friends'. 

Viperkaylin
by on May. 12, 2010 at 5:30 PM

My DD has had two boys that she is planning on marrying..I'm in for a long 12 more years!!

As far as your DD wanting to grow up to fast I am not sure what to tell you. Kids usually don't really listen to their parents when they tell them to not grow up so fast, but maybe just sitting down and talking with her about it might work. My neighbor is going through the same thing with her 9 year old except she isn't into makeup. But she is worried about gaining weight even though she is as thin as a stick! I wish I had more ideas..sorry!!

momto3infl
by Silver Member on May. 12, 2010 at 5:35 PM

 From a young age we tell our kids they are pretty/handsome whatever, if they seemed to like a boy (which my oldest did at 3yrs old and son did at 6yrs old-youngest who is now 6yrs old hasnt) we never made a big deal never told them they were too young or anything like that and they would move on.

rkoloms
by on May. 13, 2010 at 6:57 AM

Unfortunately, most girls are bombarded with what marketing executives define as pretty. We have always emphasized to our daughter that inner beauty is what counts.

 Get your daughter a subscription to New Moon magazine. It is advertising and makeup free, written by and for girls; it is so intelligently written, I enjoy reading it. http://www.newmoon.com/

Robin in Chicago

auroragold
by on May. 13, 2010 at 7:13 AM

 Great suggestion Robin.

We frequently talk about "not judging a book by it's cover" and choosing friends based on their character and not their clothing, size, looks, house, etc.

Do what you can to get her away from the marketing that tells her to wear makeup and be thin. Yes, that means Hannah Montana and  other similar shows.........

ErikaRobin
by on May. 13, 2010 at 8:38 AM

As far as this crush goes...just listen to her.  Validate her feelings. 

There's a lot to be said for validation. 


MrsArellano
by on Sep. 9, 2010 at 12:16 AM

My Daughter strives perfection in my eyes. I see it as pretty unhealthy because I really don't want her to grow up second guessing herself. Don't get me wrong, it makes parenting quite easy, but I worry for her.

She tries so hard to be honest with me --as in, unless questioned, she won't tell me. But with boys, she tells me everything about boys and it's because I made sure of it. I didn't tell her "you're too young to like anyone" because in my opinion, that makes her feel she shouldn't have told you in the first place. Instead, I give her my playful answers with one or in combination of the following: "ewww!" "Is he cute?" "What makes you like him?" and I try to keep this conversation as light as possible because once she sees the reaction she didn't want to get, she's going to shut down on you. She's going to backlash and keep the truth to herself. I would then prod her a little with a few "so, did you two hold hands yet?" "did you eat lunch with him?" and such.

Last year as a 1st grader, she told me that her crush then and her didn't hold hands because she felt she was too young --as I have told her since Kindergarten that some boys don't wash their hands after using the restroom and such and that little boys just didn't know the rules of the bathroom! (I know this isn't true all the time)-- and that they made promises to hold hands when they were teenagers. :) That answer just made my heart smile..

Getting back to subject:

I'm a touch as a nail Mom and at times will talk to her straightforward. She knows I'm honest with her and when I try to convince her, I get into "a**hole" mode (my husband describes it that way) and get a little mean. When she asked me once, "Mommy? Am I beautiful?" my response was, "If you weren't so beautiful, do you think I'd love you? I don't like ugly, remember?" --this is highly untrue, but instead of showering her with "Oh dear you're gorgeous!! beautiful!! STUNNING!" without an actual reasoning, I don't think she would have believed me. Of course she cried a little and said "But Mommy! I'm your Daughter! You'er supposed to love me even if I was ugly!" (see how she really believes me and instead of arguing with a 'no I'm not' she confronts my parenting skills?). I'd laugh and joke with her.. to make her happy again. :D

I REALLY don't know where I'm going with this, but all in all, keep boy conversations light. Have her believe that it's okay to run to you with boy problems and about her feeling beautiful, don't just support it, make her believe it in whatever ways possible..

P.S., about the Hannah Montana thing, I diverted her attention to something I preferred and gave her my straight opinion that I didn't like Hannah Montana because of [insert your negative inputs here]. I would prefer someone I preferred (not perfect but will do) such as Alex from Wizards of Waverly Place.

IloveBilly
by on Sep. 9, 2010 at 9:38 AM

Thanks I really enjoyed your answer and it makes a lot of sense!

Quoting MrsArellano:

My Daughter strives perfection in my eyes. I see it as pretty unhealthy because I really don't want her to grow up second guessing herself. Don't get me wrong, it makes parenting quite easy, but I worry for her.

She tries so hard to be honest with me --as in, unless questioned, she won't tell me. But with boys, she tells me everything about boys and it's because I made sure of it. I didn't tell her "you're too young to like anyone" because in my opinion, that makes her feel she shouldn't have told you in the first place. Instead, I give her my playful answers with one or in combination of the following: "ewww!" "Is he cute?" "What makes you like him?" and I try to keep this conversation as light as possible because once she sees the reaction she didn't want to get, she's going to shut down on you. She's going to backlash and keep the truth to herself. I would then prod her a little with a few "so, did you two hold hands yet?" "did you eat lunch with him?" and such.

Last year as a 1st grader, she told me that her crush then and her didn't hold hands because she felt she was too young --as I have told her since Kindergarten that some boys don't wash their hands after using the restroom and such and that little boys just didn't know the rules of the bathroom! (I know this isn't true all the time)-- and that they made promises to hold hands when they were teenagers. :) That answer just made my heart smile..

Getting back to subject:

I'm a touch as a nail Mom and at times will talk to her straightforward. She knows I'm honest with her and when I try to convince her, I get into "a**hole" mode (my husband describes it that way) and get a little mean. When she asked me once, "Mommy? Am I beautiful?" my response was, "If you weren't so beautiful, do you think I'd love you? I don't like ugly, remember?" --this is highly untrue, but instead of showering her with "Oh dear you're gorgeous!! beautiful!! STUNNING!" without an actual reasoning, I don't think she would have believed me. Of course she cried a little and said "But Mommy! I'm your Daughter! You'er supposed to love me even if I was ugly!" (see how she really believes me and instead of arguing with a 'no I'm not' she confronts my parenting skills?). I'd laugh and joke with her.. to make her happy again. :D

I REALLY don't know where I'm going with this, but all in all, keep boy conversations light. Have her believe that it's okay to run to you with boy problems and about her feeling beautiful, don't just support it, make her believe it in whatever ways possible..

P.S., about the Hannah Montana thing, I diverted her attention to something I preferred and gave her my straight opinion that I didn't like Hannah Montana because of [insert your negative inputs here]. I would prefer someone I preferred (not perfect but will do) such as Alex from Wizards of Waverly Place.


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