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motivation?

Posted by on May. 24, 2010 at 8:10 AM
  • 10 Replies

i don't know what to do about my dd??she is so unmotivated...we went to her soccer game Saturday and she didn't even move on the field.. she was always being pulled out and onto the bench.the thing is i find   this on every thing she does,her school work her friends...i love her very much but i just want to know how i can get her more motivated..

by on May. 24, 2010 at 8:10 AM
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Replies (1-10):
sunnyflower417
by on May. 24, 2010 at 8:15 AM
my son is the same. except when it comes to racing.
cleo1977
by on May. 24, 2010 at 8:29 AM

OP___she doesnt seem to really have any interests...

Barabell
by Barbara on May. 24, 2010 at 10:52 AM

Hmm, this is hard for me to answer because I have a kid that's the exact opposite.  Sometimes over motivated and expects too much of himself.

The only thing I can think of offhand is to talk to your daughter and ask her why she doesn't try harder and inquire if there is anything that she is more interested in.  Also explain to her that her actions now can affect her adult life.  Let her know that if there is anything she is interested in you will support her.

M4LG5
by on May. 24, 2010 at 12:01 PM

I would start with an open day (on a weekend) or an afternoon where she gets to schedule what is going to happen....but with limitiations (i.e. no video games, tV, etc).  Its entirely up to her what she wants to do.  Maybe you'll get a glimpse of what she likes.

cleo1977
by on May. 24, 2010 at 2:10 PM

op--- its so hard... she does karate, swimming tennis,soccer... i mean we have tried it all. oh i cant forget cheerleading..... its not that she doesnt like them its more the fact that she does them hmm half ass. or not as good as she could???which makes me wonder why...or is this just her.....i felt so bad she loves cheerleading but she is the only one that cant do a cart wheel... my oldest was cheer capt in high school so i got her to help... nothing.. i know this sounds harsh but really i think im maybe not pushing enough????

Barabell
by Barbara on May. 24, 2010 at 3:17 PM


Quoting cleo1977:

op--- its so hard... she does karate, swimming tennis,soccer... i mean we have tried it all. oh i cant forget cheerleading..... its not that she doesnt like them its more the fact that she does them hmm half ass. or not as good as she could???which makes me wonder why...or is this just her.....i felt so bad she loves cheerleading but she is the only one that cant do a cart wheel... my oldest was cheer capt in high school so i got her to help... nothing.. i know this sounds harsh but really i think im maybe not pushing enough????

There is a fine line between not pushing enough and pushing too much.  If you feel like you're not pushing enough, that could be the case.  But then if you start to push now, you should start out small so you don't turn her off from the activity.  Some kids don't respond well to being pushed.  I know that I didn't as a child, and so I wasn't an easy child for my parents to motivate.

I'll be honest and say that my DH and I do push our son in the activities that he's committed to, and we'll try to outline the amount of commitment it requires for him to do a certain activity before we sign him up.  We'll let him know that if he doesn't try his hardest (especially in team activities because an effort is required by each and every player) that he is wasting his time and our time.  There have been times where he's signed up for an activity and didn't care for it, and so he was not signed up again.  That's normal.  But we definitely make it clear that before we spend our money and time on an activity that he needs to give it his all. 

All of that gets back to my previous post about needing to talk to your daughter.  Before you sign her up for another activity, let her know what you expect from her out of it.  Let her know that if she doesn't show enough interest in it that you will not continue to waste time and money on an activity that she isn't going to commit to by trying her best.

With that being said, when activities come up I do not push my son into things that he displays no interest in.  He's 10, and he's old enough now to know if he has the slightest interest in an event.  If he's not interested, I'll drop it.


cleo1977
by on May. 24, 2010 at 5:59 PM

op---thanks barabell.....my oldest who is now 31   gasp.... i could push and she was an over acheiver anyway....my middle who is 25 was the anti......alittle gothic alternitive.....didnt do the black thing but you get it..... she is now a great hair dresser.... but this one os a little harder..

LilGina
by on May. 24, 2010 at 6:08 PM

My son is the same way so i will be reading responses

rkoloms
by on May. 25, 2010 at 5:34 AM

Often, I think that our children guide us in how they need to be parented.

Ask you daughter why she doesn't want to help her team; why she doesn't want to do well in school; etc. I suspect that her answers will be enlightening.

Robin in Chicago

Stefono
by on May. 25, 2010 at 8:07 AM

 Whats in her diet? that can be a big one.do you give her a daily vitamin? Does she sleep well?Does she keep a journal? It might be good for her to write out her feelings.Ask her what SHE would like to do.Maybe she would like to do some things she isn't?I would talk to her to, see if there's anything holding her back.'~HUGS~&~LUCK

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