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disciplining kids re: issues at school

Posted by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 9:01 AM
  • 9 Replies

My SD is 10.  The past few years we have had issues with her getting into trouble at school because she talks during class.  She will be given a warning  (or the whole class could be given a warning) and if she does it again she gets silent lunch.  She hasn't had a whole lot of consequences at home (at her mother's house or here) when sh gets silent lunch except a talking to or if she gets more than one silent lunch in a week.  At this point she has been warned HUNDREDS of times by DH and I about this issue and she is getting old enough and we are getting to a point where we feel something else has to be done at home punishment wise because she doesn't seem to be learning her lesson, so I was curious if anyone had ideas for appropriate punishments, what do you do.

Also, she got into trouble at school on Friday because the teacher was reading something to the class that SD thought was uninteresting so she picked up a Harry Potter book that was on her desk for free reading (she has read this book twice alread) and began to read that instead of paying attention to the teacher because apparently the lesson wasn't worth her time (she ended up with silent lunch at school).  SD DID get punished by DH for this but I was curious to know what other's punishments would have been

by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 9:01 AM
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hepmommy
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 9:14 AM

You could start with taking away privileges at home.  If there's something she enjoys, then limit or cut off the time with that activity/object. 

our3
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 9:14 AM

Depending on what DD gets in trouble for depends on the punishement. My DD is a talker as well and gets bored easily when the teacher tries to read or talk the kids thru an assingment. IF DD has had multiple warnings and I find out about it, then she is grounded for a week. No tv, no going outside, ect. I dont play games when it comes to disrepect and talking or doing other things while the teacher is teaching is disrepect.

Ezranight
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 9:15 AM

 My DS was like this in pre-k.  He's in 1st this year. 

I made it a point to talk to the teacher.  In pre-k, she would send home a note at the end of the day.  In Kindergarten, the teacher would e-mail me at the end of the day, so that I knew of any issues BEFORE DS got home.

1st grade, it's only been a week, but no issues yet.

Last year (kinder), if I got an e-mail, DS would first, have to explain to me what happened.  If he told the truth, the punishment was no video games for the day (which is his favorite thing)...

If he DIDN'T tell the truth, it would be no video games OR tv, OR playing outside for the day...

We also made him write an apology to the teacher.  He told us what he wanted to say, we wrote it, and he copied it.  He HAD to give it to the teacher then next day, or he would be in trouble even more.

This worked wonders...the teacher hung it up on the board in the room, so he could see it daily, and remind himself NOT to do that stuff...

But, DS knows that I will NOT tolerate bad behavior at school.  Period.  I know it happens, but it should not happen daily, or even weekly.  Once in a while, I can understand...but all the time?  No.

If he wants to cat badly when he gets home, fine.  but NOWHERE ELSE.  He understands this...

bellasmom32510
by Bronze Member on Aug. 31, 2010 at 9:22 AM

At this point SD has more than one teacher so it would be a little more complicated to email teachers but I will keep that in mind if the behavior continues.  I also really like the idea of the letter to the teacher!  I wish we had thought of that! 

AuntieV
by Bronze Member on Aug. 31, 2010 at 9:56 AM

This child is not a baby just starting out in school. She is old enough to know that what she did is wrong. It is time to step up on  the punishment/consequences. I am a firm believer in progressive consequences and would sit her down and tell her that from now on the rules are changing. For each time she has a silent lunch at school this year she will have an additional consequence added to the previous consequence or time doubled if the consequence involves a period of time.

Example: First silent lunch =  writing "  I will not disrespect (insert teacher's name) when s/he is reading to the class or giving instructions"  100 times.

Second silent lunch =  writing the above 200 times plus writing (insert appropriate wording) 100 times

Third silent lunch doubles the number of times for both above and adds 2 additional writing assignments.

 


It does not take too long for them to get the idea that you are not going to put up with the behavior and make them think before they act. By choosing the words carefully for the writing assignment you can also reinforce/supplement what they are learning in school or struggling with. IE using some of thier spelling words for the week.

riotgrrl
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 10:04 AM

I agree that when the school's consequences are not working, it's time to follow up with additional consequences at home.

We use sentences for when we have to repeat ourselves, too. We tell the kid in question that since they obviously need the repetition since we've had to tell them more than once, they can write out sentences as a reminder of the behavior they need to improve. I would assign a certain number of sentences for the first time she gets silent lunch in a week, if she gets it more than once in the same week, grounded and double the sentences.

Another thing that we do that sometimes helps as well as or instead of the sentences is have them write an essay about what they did wrong and some better options of what they could have done differently.

eilenej1
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 10:24 AM

My 4th grader almost never has a problem, but my 1st grader does.  For him, we allow choice of electronic entertainment if he gets a stamp on his calendar in his home folder.  If he does not get a stamp and does not get a disciplinary report, then he can have limited electronics - not his favorites.  If he gets a disciplinary report, he only gets his toys and has to maintain a positive attitude or will get a timeout.

faeflyta
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 10:28 AM

I make my kids pull weeds weather permitting.  They hate that.  I think the sentence writing is also a great idea.  Find something that your SD hates doing and follow through with it.  Hopefully she'll change.

bellasmom32510
by Bronze Member on Aug. 31, 2010 at 10:46 AM

Thanks ladies!  We tried writing the sentences for another issue last year.  She wouldn't follow directions on her homework so if she didn't follow the directions she would have to write the directions out 5 times each.  She got really annoyed with this quickly but the end of the school year came and so I don't know how well it worked, we will have to see.  I like the suggestions though!

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