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my heart hurts

Posted by on Oct. 30, 2007 at 1:10 AM
  • 20 Replies
i have a dd in third grade. she is a beautiful, fun, smart, active redhead. lately, this boy in class has been talking about how ugly redheads are. today in p.e. he whispered something to another boy, and the boy pushed my dd down. she seems fine, just a little scrape. i asked her if she wanted me to call the school, and she said she would handle her own battles. its just that, she is so little and i am afraid she is going to get hurt real bad. should i tell her to kick him where it hurts, next time, or go to the school? i am so confused. my heart hurts, please help! 

another question, do you guys ever worry about how your child will fit in? i think i am worrying too much.
by on Oct. 30, 2007 at 1:10 AM
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by on Oct. 30, 2007 at 1:30 AM

I am so sorry for you and I understand what you're going through.  My daughter was having similar issues the last couple of years...
I always advise my kids to NEVER hit first... if someone hits them they need to ask a teacher (adult figure) for help.. if they do not receive help from the adults and they continue to be hit then they need to hit back.  I think they should learn to stick up for themselves... solve problems without violence when possible but don't let anyone take advantage either.
Hang in there....

Love and Brightness, Te'resa

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by on Oct. 30, 2007 at 1:47 AM
Hey There,

I can understand that it hurts your heart.But it's a good thing that your daughter is being a trooper about it.I think that if she says she can handle it just let her.I have a eight year old son who lets others bully him around,and he doesn't do a thing about it.I'm having trouble trying to get him to stick up for himslef.But if you feel more comfortable calling the school and letting them be aware of what's going on with your daughter and this little boy then give the school a call,that is if your daughter doesn't mind.I think that unless your daughter comes home hurt really badly I say just let her handle it.And good luck I don't think that you should worry to much.
by on Oct. 30, 2007 at 2:01 AM
You know what i would do if i was you??  If you can, visit her at lunch and volunteer as much as possible.  Let that boy know you are watching him.  Keep him in line.  I don't think the teachers are going to make sure no one is hurt, if your daughter doesn't cause a problem she will be ignored.  My friends little boy (kindergarten) has huge blue eyes.  Well there was one little "brat" that kept picking on him, he got the other kids to tease him by "bugging" their eyes out at him.  She went to visit her son for lunch one day and caught the "brat" flashing her son the "bugged out" eyes.  She looked at him real "mean" and put him on the spot asking him what he was doing, then proceeded to tell him how mean it is to pick on others.  Just put him in his place in a stern adult manner.  The "brat" doesn't pick on him anymore.
by Member on Oct. 30, 2007 at 10:13 AM
Redheads are some of the most beautiful people in the world! They are just jealous, or afraid because she is different.

If she'd like, enroll her in a self defense class. Teach her a mean right hook and tell her to use it. I know schools don't like any violence, even if you're defending yourself, but tough noogies for them. Our children need to know they can stand up for themselves, emotionally AND physically.

Good luck.

by on Oct. 30, 2007 at 10:35 AM
I am so sorry!  Just makes you want to go kick his little butt, doesn't it?  Your daughter is being brave, but it could be because she knows it could get worse if her mom comes to school.  I would discretely call the guidance counselor at the school, make them aware, and just to try and keep an eye out.  Call them regularly to check in about the situation.  This way, you aren't at the school, but you can keep a check on things.  Make sure to ask your daughter about it daily, but don't drill her. That could cause her to withdraw and not tell you anything about it.  Good luck, it will get better.  Definately be proactive about it though, before giving the little punk a chance to hurt her. 

                               Ashley Leonard



by on Oct. 30, 2007 at 11:06 AM
by on Oct. 30, 2007 at 1:51 PM
thank you so much for your GREAT advice. it means the world to me!!!
by on Oct. 30, 2007 at 2:02 PM
Awwww!! Poor thing.. big hugs to her!!! I am a redhead and went through the same exact thing when I was little. I was called ketchup head, carrot top and worse.  I used to beg my mom to dye my hair blonde like she did.  Tell her that she will LOVE her red hair when she is older. :D

I would call or write a note to her teacher.  If it continues, I would go above her or like another mom suggested volunteer or go into the classroom for a fieldtrip/party. etc.

Kids are always going to find something to bully another kid about.. 2 weeks ago someone made fun of my sons long eyelashes and called him a afterno response from him raising is hand to tell the teacher...he turned around and said "YOU"RE AN ASS!" Guess who got in trouble. My husband thought that was great! ( Such a help!) But I had to remind my son that while I was proud of him for sticking up for himself.. he should of chose a better word.  The kid doesnt tease him any more though! lol

Good luck.. Kids can be so mean.
by on Oct. 31, 2007 at 10:56 AM
I would talk to the teacher about the boys and see if the teacher can help out...or call the boys' parents.  I had the same problem with my daughter only it was another girl bullying her around and ended up cutting her with scissors.  It was awful.  I called the parent, the teacher and the principal on that one. 
And I do worry about my daughters fitting in.  I try and help them learn good behavior so they make friends and just give advice when I can.  You're not alone in worrying. 
by on Nov. 1, 2007 at 9:00 AM
I'm a redhead so I know about being picked on in school. Fortunately redheads are alot more accepted nowadays then when I was in school. Your daughter says she will hadle her own battles, good for her! It's nice to see kids sticking up for themselves.  We have always taught our kids to walk away and ignore first. If that doesn't work, as long as they are not the first to touch (hit, kick, push, etc.) first they won't be in trouble with us. However, if she continues to defend herself and it doesn't stop then it's time to step in and talk to her teacher and/or principal and possibly the other kids parents. As parents we want to protect our children always but we're not always going to be there to. You say she's tiny but's not how big you are, it's how you use what you got. I'm sure she's tougher than you think. Good luck.
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