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Wedding Gift Traditions: When Did They Change?

Posted by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 5:24 PM
  • 10 Replies

One of my friends is getting married this spring and it has been a real eye opener about how much wedding gift traditions have changed.

I remember it going like this:

The Bride and Groom register for wedding gifts and when I say ‘wedding’ gifts – I do mean ‘WEDDING’ gifts.  You brought your one wedding gift to the WEDDING.   The Bride is given a Bridal Shower by her bridesmaids and if you are invited you bring a personal gift for the Bride – ala pretty stuff to wear for her new husband and make their new house a home.

But apparently, these days the Bridal Shower is another opportunity to get an item from your gift registry, at least that’s what appeared on the gift table at my friends shower. I saw traditional Wedding gifts of every kind.

Something about it doesn’t seem right.   If you’re close to the bride you’re looking at buying TWO gifts over a short period of time instead of just one.

What if you want to buy them something big?  Can you go small on one gift knowing that you’re going big on another?

What if you’re financially pinched?  Should you simply decline the invite to the Bridal Shower?

To top things off, there is a Bridesmaids Party yet to come and that is apparently when the Bride is given personal gifts like lingerie…so if you’re close enough to be a bridesmaid you’re looking at yet another gift to buy.

Does anyone else find this increasingly mercenary? And since I am also getting married this summer it makes me wonder if I am being rude by NOT wanting any of these parties. Am I?

I know, I know – weddings are a reason to celebrate – but these days they seem to be a reason to SHOP more than anything else.

by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 5:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
bamababe1975
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 6:14 PM
What? A bridal shower and bridesmaids party?? I've never heard of such a thing!
bellasmom32510
by Bronze Member on Mar. 28, 2011 at 6:17 PM
I think it depends because in my traditional Italian family there are definitely different customs and when I married into a non Italian family in the south it was a big eye opener to see the differences!
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Rychelle
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 6:20 PM

 idk when it changed but for as long as i can remember its been gift from registry at the shower and check at the reception/wedding... normally $200 or more but ive seen alot less given.. my wedding we got checks ranging from $75-$1000. and the bachelorette party we give gifts like lingeries and stuff (but we do this at showers too) and we have a girls night in Atlantic City or NYC or do a Spa day and dancing at night etc.   ive been in 10 weddings as a maid of honor or bridesmaid.. and with gifts and throwing showers and bachelorette parties and the dress etc. its been like $1000+ for each wedding.. its alot!!!

steelcrazy
by Emerald Member on Mar. 28, 2011 at 6:25 PM

 When I got married 16 years ago, I got kitchen/household items at my bridal shower.  I certainly wouldn't want my grandmother or aunts or worse yet aunt-in-law to be buying me lingerie.  For the wedding we got some household gifts and some money.  I also had a small private shower for my closest girl friends and that is where I got the naughty gifts.

mamatina04
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 6:26 PM

I dunno-  here where I am the Bridal Shower gifts were things from the wedding registry, too.  I can't think of anyone who's ever gotten and or wanted a shower where they get things like lingerie.  P.S.  I got married almost ten years ago, and was the last of all my friends, and theirs was the same way too.  You didn't have to get things from the registry, but that's usually where people started since they knew you wanted them.  I've never heard of a Bridesmaids' party, either. 

I suppose since you're getting married soon, you could let it be known to the people throwing the shower of your preferences.  If you want a lingerie thing, tell them, and they'll make sure the word gets out for your shower. 

Good luck

 

 

Rychelle
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 6:29 PM

 really?? its tradition here and has been for a long time that the mother of the bride gets the bride her white wedding night lingerie... mother of the groom normally gets her lingerie too.. and the bridesmaids do too ..

Quoting mamatina04:

I dunno-  here where I am the Bridal Shower gifts were things from the wedding registry, too.  I can't think of anyone who's ever gotten and or wanted a shower where they get things like lingerie.  P.S.  I got married almost ten years ago, and was the last of all my friends, and theirs was the same way too.  You didn't have to get things from the registry, but that's usually where people started since they knew you wanted them.  I've never heard of a Bridesmaids' party, either. 

I suppose since you're getting married soon, you could let it be known to the people throwing the shower of your preferences.  If you want a lingerie thing, tell them, and they'll make sure the word gets out for your shower. 

Good luck

 

 

 

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menmy2lilmen
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 7:24 PM

For all the weddings and showers I have been to we gave both registry items at both the shower and the wedding. 

My sister is getting married in June. She has a huge house that is completely furnished. She has no need for towels, sheets, pots and pans or dishes.She however has registered for all new stuff and told my mom if people are going to buy it then she might as well upgrade. I am some mad about her attitude that I do not want to go.

On the invites for the Wedding they included a note stating that they would not be accepting any gifts at the wedding. They wanted only cash. I though it was all very tacky.

lovinmymason
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 7:28 PM
Wow! I needed your guest list! (He most xash anyone gave us was like 50 bucks!


Quoting Rychelle:

 idk when it changed but for as long as i can remember its been gift from registry at the shower and check at the reception/wedding... normally $200 or more but ive seen alot less given.. my wedding we got checks ranging from $75-$1000. and the bachelorette party we give gifts like lingeries and stuff (but we do this at showers too) and we have a girls night in Atlantic City or NYC or do a Spa day and dancing at night etc.   ive been in 10 weddings as a maid of honor or bridesmaid.. and with gifts and throwing showers and bachelorette parties and the dress etc. its been like $1000+ for each wedding.. its alot!!!


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Rychelle
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 7:30 PM

 LOL i have to say.. after coming on CM and hearing about other wedding stuff from people I think this all could be a regional thing too..

Quoting lovinmymason:

Wow! I needed your guest list! (He most xash anyone gave us was like 50 bucks!


Quoting Rychelle:

 idk when it changed but for as long as i can remember its been gift from registry at the shower and check at the reception/wedding... normally $200 or more but ive seen alot less given.. my wedding we got checks ranging from $75-$1000. and the bachelorette party we give gifts like lingeries and stuff (but we do this at showers too) and we have a girls night in Atlantic City or NYC or do a Spa day and dancing at night etc.   ive been in 10 weddings as a maid of honor or bridesmaid.. and with gifts and throwing showers and bachelorette parties and the dress etc. its been like $1000+ for each wedding.. its alot!!!


 

www.MyVacationCountdown.com Ticker

Mommy4000
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 7:34 PM

Idk, I've always loved any opportunity to shop, so I wouldn't mind buying three gifts, but I would buy personal gifts for the personal parties and a wedding gift for the wedding. Maybe it was the other guests that weren't aware of the proper etiquette and that's why they bought gifts from the registry for the bridal shower. I don't know, but I say do your wedding anyway that makes you happy and don't worry about what is the norm. My wedding was 5 years ago and I didn't have a bridal shower and I didn't register (we had already been living together for 4 years, so I didn't need any of the traditional wedding gifts). My friends and family just gave gifts that they thought were generous and no one worried about what was appropriate.

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