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Cousin Trouble

Posted by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 2:50 PM
Max
  • 4 Replies

 Any tips on dealing with extended family?

We just had a really tense visit with DH's sister and her family. One of the big issues was cousins not always getting along.

Nate is almost 4 and his big cousin is almost 9. Nate worships his big cousin and follows him around begging for attention. At first Drew loved the attention, but after a while Nate was clearly driving him nuts. I tried my best to keep Nate away from him and reprimanded him when he wouldn't leave his big cousin alone.

But Drew also got pretty rough with Nate. Nate would run up and hug him and he would just push him off. He told him to get out of his face a couple of times and just wasn't very nice. I know he was acting like a typical kid, but what made it difficult was that his parents never said a word to him about his behavior. I feel like as the older child, he should have been expected to play nice or at least nicely tell Nate he didn't want to play.

I punished my child for invading my space and tried on my end to be fair and see that both boys were acting out. My in-laws seemed to see that Nate was bothering their child, but not that their child was in the wrong too.

How do you handle this stuff without starting WW3?

by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 2:50 PM
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Replies (1-4):
tristansgirl
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 2:54 PM

You just keep doing what you are doing. My son is 9 and our youngest cousin is 4 So about the same as you. My son LOVES Little kids and some times I have to tell him not to bug Cam because Cam wants some alone time but most of the time Cam wants to play because he knows Jyden will let him do what ever he wants to him and not say a word lol

Talk to your Inlaws about it and let them know if Drew doesn't want Nate to play he needs to ask nicely. Good luck

maxswolfsuit
by Max on Jul. 8, 2011 at 2:58 PM

 

Quoting tristansgirl:

You just keep doing what you are doing. My son is 9 and our youngest cousin is 4 So about the same as you. My son LOVES Little kids and some times I have to tell him not to bug Cam because Cam wants some alone time but most of the time Cam wants to play because he knows Jyden will let him do what ever he wants to him and not say a word lol

Talk to your Inlaws about it and let them know if Drew doesn't want Nate to play he needs to ask nicely. Good luck

 Thanks! I figured this must be a pretty common problem. I remember having similar issues with my cousins growing up.

steelcrazy
by Emerald Member on Jul. 8, 2011 at 3:16 PM

 It is very common.  I know that relationships with ILs can be tricky, but maybe sit down with your older nephew and explain to him that Nate really likes him, but is much smaller than him, so if he doesn't want to play with Nate or be bothered by Nate he needs to nicely tell Nate that he doesn't want to play right now.  When you see him being rough with Nate, just politely remind him to be easy with Nate since he is so small.  Also praise the both of them when they are playing nicely together.

I deal with this scenario frequently when I have my sister's kids.  Our 7 year olds run off to play together and then her 4 year old expects my 10 year old to play with him.  I have to constantly remind both of them of the rules and what is expected of them.

maxswolfsuit
by Max on Jul. 8, 2011 at 3:34 PM

 It's tricky for me because I work with kids so I'm used to reprimanding and setting boundaries. But I don't want to step on any one's toes by laying down rules when the parents are right there. KWIM?

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