*Update in my bottom reply.. Thank you everyone that has been offering advice, I have been writing it all down and talking about it with DH*
I have a question.. but first, a little back ground.
My step-daughter is in the 3rd grade, turning 11 this May. At the beginning of the year, she started to strugle a bit in class, but managed to pull in 2 A's, 2B's, and 2C's, this is down from her high A's from last year. We got the kids into martial arts for an after school activity, and when she saw everyone get rewarded but her, she basicly stopped all trying.
Her teacher called me in for a conferance, so I went. She basicly told me to get my daughter tested for ADD/ADHD or she would go about getting her tested by DCS.. So, we got her tested. Her results came back Inattentive ADD. In other words, if something gets to hard for her, she shuts down. The doctor told us to start up a reward program, give her a visual daily reminder, then at the end of the week, a reward for doing good in school. To set a grade goal and give it levels.
So, with my husband's help, we created a goal chart for her. She was to bring her papers home daily, I average out her daily grade, and put it on the chart. If she got 80% or higher, she got a star. If her weekly grade average was 80% or higher, she would get to go horse back riding..
During my last meeting with her teacher, she stated she would be more than willing to send papers home daily instead of on the Monday of the following week.. so I took her up on the offer.. That week we started to have problems. She would only send one, maybe two papers home. I know they did more then two papers a day! So I sent a note to school, telling her of the reward system and ASKING her to please send home the papers daily.. I heard nothing back and the papers slowly came to a hault on coming home. The day I planed on calling the teacher, the teacher called me, looking for a form I sent to school two weeks prier, but magicly got lost, giving my child a 0 in grade. While on the phone, the teacher asked about if I had recieved the writen review on the testing, which I haven't.. So, since the teacher brought it up, I finished up with again a plee for the papers..
The teacher tells me, on the phone that I should NOT do what the doctor said, I should not reward daily, and instead of horse riding, I should let me daughter instead go ride her bike for an hour if she got good grades. I kinda just said whatever, and asked again for the papers.. She said she would see what she could do, though she saw no reason for me to keep a grade chart when she does daily in class... The next day, my daughter, looking forward to her ridding lesson, and wanting papers home so she could see where she sat, asked her teacher for her papers! Her teacher told her that she doesn't grade the papers daily, and she will get her papers on the following Monday!
Now, with the long (and I am sorry for how long this is) history out of the way, what would you do?
Would you just change the reward to what the teacher said, after all she is a teacher and should know??
Would you continue with the riding lessons, if her papers for the preivous week were good?
Would you go to the principal, knowing that the pricipal always takes the side of the teachers and you will probably get no where very fast with her?
Without the daily reminder of her grades, she has started to slip again, not even trying with her work. For the one week where we got the one to two papers a night, she pushed herself with her work. She brought her math grade up from a 35% to an 80% in that one week.. And she was even asking for help instead of just zoning! Now with no daily reminder, she has started to zone, it has started to take hours to get her homework done again.. I am just at a loss.. Any advice would be very helpful!