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Babysitter issues-with edits-with more edits

Ok dh and I have problems finding people who are willing to watch all our kids. The problem is that we have 5 kids who are 18 months to 9 years old. They are good kids, just people don't think they can handle that many. So we found someone who was willing to watch all five, she gets along great with our kids, we trust her.

I have a Christmas party my best friend asked me to go to with her on Friday, and we were planning on this new babysitter watching the kids for 4 or 5 hours.

We did a practice run, first time she was alone with the kids, last night. We were gone for a hour and a half. We told her no movies when we were gone, so she called us an hour in to ask what movies the kids could watch. I told her no movies, have the boys get in the bath and play in their rooms. The younger kids could color, read books, play board games. My boys are 8 and 9 and every bath night we follow the same routine, they know what to do.

So we get home half an hour later, and all the kids are watching a movie, only one of the boys had taken a bath. The stress of setting things right, as soon as we got home, was not worth going out to eat.

So, do I give her another chance on Friday, or just not go to the party? My best friend will not be upset if I don't go.

And because I guess some people are confused, let me clarify, movies are ok on Fridays, but not on week days. And my boys had to stay up late to get baths done. Books, board games, art supplies are all in easy reach. She let them watch movies because they wanted to. And she only had 4 kids, one was at my moms.

The weather made the choice for me this time, we are expecting a foot of snow Friday night. If my kids watch a movies on a school night, they end up sleeping badly, and the next day they have problems at school, and they did. Just because your kids can handle it, does not mean my kids don't have real problems. On Fridays and weekends, they can sleep in for a couple hours or take a nap after lunch, not something they can do at school. Dh works wendesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights from 7 pm to 2 am. He also works days Monday to Friday (8 to 5). So Monday and tusday nights are the only time we can go on a date. I originally planned on my sons taking showers before school the next day, but when she was having problems with the 4 kids at once, I suggested the boys take baths since they can do that all by them selves, making it so she only had to focus on two right then. There was not fight from my kids about it. One took a bath, and then said he wanted to watch a movie (this is what she said) and so she put on a movie and told the boys they could watch it, because that is what they wanted. She told me, to my face that my oldest son said he wanted to watch a movie and so she put it on. I made dinner, and served it, I was home 20 minuets before bedtime. All she was asked to do was to watch our kids. There was nothing else. If she cant handle that, I don't think I want her to watch my kids when there is more involved.

The baby sitter is 18, we paid her $40 for the hour and a half. I know I will not be going out on Friday, we may or may not have her watch our kids again. I can understand if she didn't want to do baths, and if she had said so when she called, I wouldn't have expected it to be done. She said that it would be no problem. The baths don't really matter that much, since she said she would, I expected them done. My kids did get in trouble for asking, and we did talk to them, and did before we left. Only my 8 and 9 year olds took baths, not the younger ones. Books, games, play dough, art supplies are in easy reach, easy to find. My 18 month old can get to most, my 3 year old can get to everything. I hope I got most of the questions. There has been so many responses I don't think I read them all.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Nov. 30, 2011 at 10:41 AM
Replies (141-150):
by on Dec. 1, 2011 at 6:25 PM
She went outta her way to let them do something you said not to do... Domt have her babysit again
by on Dec. 1, 2011 at 6:27 PM
How old is your youngest? I only ask cause my son who is 4 is also a tyPe 1.

Quoting aarmormommy:

 It depends on how much you REALLY don't want your kids watching movies or taking a bath.  Everything in life is a compromise.  I used to be REALLY uptight about lots of things.  I am still a helicopter mom.  But, my husband is so laid back.  At the end of the day, did we get out and have fun?  Do I have to give my kids a bath later? Yes.  (And my youngest is a type 1 diabetic- so I rarely go anywhere or leave him with ANYONE).  Maybe see if she has a friend who also likes to babysit.  It'll cost more, but at least everything *should* get done and unplug the t.v.  Give the kids a bath BEFORE you leave??  Good Luck!

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Dec. 1, 2011 at 6:27 PM
1 mom liked this

I have 6 children and I know how much work they were at those ages. A babysitter is not as familiar with your children like you are. Kids can get hurt and I can appreciate how a babysitter would rather have them all together so he/she can keep an eye on the kids. IMHO, if you are going out, shouldn't the most important thing be the safety and happiness of your children?  A movie while parents are out is not unreasonable, happy kids are better behaved and less likely to get into trouble. ALSO, if you are lucky enough to get a sitter willing to watch 5 young kids, she is a sitter, not there to bathe kids.  I would never allow my dd to sit for anyone who required this while babysitting. For the record, I did not allow my kids to watch a lot of TV or movies but if we had a sitter, I was so happy to get one willing to accept the responsibility of 6 kids ages 7 and under, that I did not mind at all if they had a movie.

by on Dec. 1, 2011 at 6:28 PM

I think the babysitter may need her hearing checked.  She was told twice for crying out loud!  

I too don't allow movies or TV during the week because of many of the same reasons you don't allow them.  We rely too heavily on screen time as a babysitter in our society.  It's great that you encourage board games, art and other activities that help develop critical thinking and creativity.  I do this the 8 and 9 years should have some sort of consequence though, they know the routine and while I'm sure they are good kids even good kids have taken advantage of a situation where a new adult was at the helm.

I would have a frank conversation with the babysitter about the last experience and what you didn't appreciate about it.  Let her know you'd like to give it another try and then lay down the rules again.  If doesn't work out this next time, at least you know you exhausted the possibilites.

by on Dec. 1, 2011 at 6:28 PM
1 mom liked this
If you expect someone to be able to watch your 5 children, then you need to be ok with what may be the best way for this babysitter to handle all of them. This is your sacrifice, not the babysitters. You are lucky to find one who is good with the kids. If your kids cannot handle movies on a school night, then maybe you need to miss your party. This is the choice you have made having so many children! Sorry to sound so harsh, but sometimes blunt words are what people need to hear.
by on Dec. 1, 2011 at 6:30 PM

I wouldn't let her. Sorry. You told her no movies. Twice. WHo is paying her - you or your kids? She just doesn't sound trust worthy to me.

by on Dec. 1, 2011 at 6:31 PM

that is not fine. children should brush their teeth after dinner and how would they eat dinner if they filled up on snacks before?

Quoting CuteandCurvy:

I think a baby sitter letting little things slide, like not brushing teeth, or no snacks before dinner, ect are totally fine,It's not like she it there all the time, so really these little "slides" aren't going to hurt the kids. Also even 4 kids is a lot to deal with and she may have used the movie as a way to keep her sanity. I used to work at a daycare, and I will openly admit, that there were days where, the kids were all crazy, and none of them wanted to nap, so thats when I'd pull out a movie, it was to keep me sane,lol. And yes there were days as well where we spent the day outside (except lunch and nap time) I was always very open with the parents and since it wasn't an every day thing none of them really cared..

by on Dec. 1, 2011 at 6:31 PM
being a mom of 4 I kinda had a similar incident happen with the babysitter to my kids this last time. I states when bedtime was and how to put my youngest (26 months) to bed and then how the others just lay down. It was a school night. I ended up having to come home early to put my kids to bed as they weren't listening or following the nighly routine, and they are 6,8, and 10. So I scolded my children for knowing better, but this was after the babysitter left. I haven't need her again yet, but if I do, I will call her and I will be sure to talk to her and make sure she is clear on the instructions. So I think it is just whether you think you can make her undertand that there has to be some sort of order when there is 5 kids and if she does not feel she can keep the order to some extent then she can back out. I don't understand if she was only there for an hour and a half, how she needed a movie to begin with. Mine usually end the night with a movie, but for and hour and a half she might as well have started baths almost immediately and then colored and stuff and the time woudl have been over.
by on Dec. 1, 2011 at 6:32 PM
I can't even get my mother and my MIL to obey my wishes about bedtime etc. when they're babysitting. Wether they're at my house or theirs. Good luck getting a stranger to. Esp when your kids are probably testing her out and giving her a hard time b/c she's new or b/c they've never had a sitter before.
by on Dec. 1, 2011 at 6:34 PM

exactly. a babysitter is there to watch the kids the way she is told. a mom should not have to compromise her parenting ways and brush all rules aside bc a babysitter is going to watch her children. if she wants them taken care of a certain way it should be done that way. just bc the kids are being babysat doesn't mean they get a free pass to do what they want.

Quoting Lorelai_Nicole:

Ugh. I love how so many people are fixated on baths and movies. What I got from the post is that the baby-sitter deliberately went against the parents' wishes. The point is not whether or not it's reasonable to say 'no' to a movie. The point is, can the baby-sitter be trusted? The OP told her, not once but TWICE, that they could NOT watch a movie. I would be pretty upset if my baby-sitter went against me like that.

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